Children camping alone in garden - AIBU

[UserA]

A close friend has asked if my dc, aged 10, 12 & 13 would like to camp in her garden (socially distanced of course!) with her dc, both aged 11 - but alone, with the parents sleeping in the house. Apparently her dc have done it a few times over lockdown. I was fairly surprised and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with mine sleeping outside alone. We both have fairly large gardens which aren’t particularly enclosed, as in not backing onto other houses as such. Recently there have been some sexual assaults/flashing episodes in the area, which makes me even more uneasy.. dc obviously annoyed that I haven’t agreed! So, AIBU - would you agree to them camping out alone?

The youngest I would allow this is probably a very sensible 13/14 and I’m quite laid back .

Well yes but one of the reasons that they are rare is that people are a bit more aware and not take silly risks.

No not without adults supervising, you really wouldn't want to be that awful case when something goes wrong. Scouts and brownies have leaders and we take it in turns going round doing checks.

My DC (10 and 7) have camped out in our garden quite a lot but never without either DP or I out with them. I’d be worried about leaving the back door unlocked overnight as we’ve been burgled before, and equally worried about them getting scared.

Everyone has to make their own judgement based on their own particular set of circumstances though.

That Sophie Hughes story is absolutely terrifying. That poor girl and family.

As much as my head would say it was safe as there were five of them, I don’t think I could sleep if mine was out side camping and would need to take it in turns to ensure an adult was watching through the night.

As soon as I read your OP I thought of the Sophie Hook case. That story will always haunt me. Absolutely heartbreaking. No, I wouldn't be happy with my child camping in a back garden.

I think at that age and with such a big group of them, in an enclosed garden it wouldn't be a big deal.

If they were maybe 8 or 10 and there were only two of them, it would be a definite no.

Yes my ds11 has camped in our garden with a friend, it's only small (and secure). First time I slept on the sofa (open plan to kitchen and French doors out to garden, 2nd time I slept in his bedroom with window open overlooking the garden. They had access to the house. The Sophie Hook murder is the only one of this nature I'm aware of and happened 25 years ago. Caroline hogg was murdered near me when I was around the same age, doesn't stop me letting ds go out on his bike, you just can't live like that because of the extremely rare cases like those above. Obviously your call and depends on your dc I suppose. We regularly camp so ds is used to it.

Well yes but one of the reasons that they are rare is that people are a bit more aware and not take silly risks

Or maybe people do it and nothing happens because it's very rare.

Child murder is extremely rare. Most children are abused and murdered by their parents (usually their Dad) or by someone they know.

It's a depressing world where children (in this case almost teenagers) are stopped from having fun by over cautious parents.

Sophie Hook, goggle - Howard Hughes was the man who killed her.

Dd camped in the garden in a big tent with four friends recently, for her tenth birthday. I didn’t know about the tragic story mentioned above.

This is a difficult one. As there has been a flasher in the local area I would decline this invitation. If there’s someone about you wouldn’t want to give them an opportunity to go further.

Generally though at about 12/13 years old I would let them Camp in a garden. I assume by that age they’re doing things like walking to/from school and going off to local park alone. I don’t see camping in the garden as any more dangerous than those things. Though it would depend on the local area, individual children’s maturity etc.

I’m less sure about the 10 year old as it feels marginally to young for me. Having said that how hard would it be for a parent to monitor from the house during the evening and camp with them when they go to bed?!

The Murder of Sophie Hook was awful. Only recently heard of it but it chills me to the bone. Unfortunately those people can be anywhere and children have been abducted on their way to school, on way home from friends etc. I guess there is a need to balance the risk with the likelihood of it happening.

I had never heard of the Sophie Hook case, I was too young I guess. Dear God, that is absolutely horrific, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what I've just read.

To answer the OPs question, no absolutely not. Too young.

I remember doing a similar thing when I was 16 in a friends garden, mixed group but friends so no one was trying to fuck. But 11 is still a child. Sleepover indoors, fine, but not in the garden without an adult there.

Actually -choma it was far far more common during the 79s, 80s and 90s then today. I’m not saying that child abuse and murder doesn’t happen - it does - but the sort of stranger abductions and murders were once not common but certainly one or two a year. Now i think the last one I can think of was April jones, in, 2012.

I wouldn’t think twice about it. They’ll have lovely memories. And if something. And if something goes wrong why can go back inside

My two have camped out in the garden by themselves over lockdown (8 and 10). We lock the garden gate and push the wheely bins up against it. The tent is right next to the ground floor spare room window and I sleep with the window open. Nothing is 100% safe but it's as safe as I can make it and it feels like an adventure to them. They need some freedom and to feel independent.

@Noconceptofnormal

I had never heard of the Sophie Hook case, I was too young I guess. Dear God, that is absolutely horrific, I don't think I'll ever be able to forget what I've just read.

To answer the OPs question, no absolutely not. Too young.

I remember doing a similar thing when I was 16 in a friends garden, mixed group but friends so no one was trying to fuck. But 11 is still a child. Sleepover indoors, fine, but not in the garden without an adult there.

I only learned of sophie a few days ago too. Been a ruck in my head since and had a lot of tears but it. Poor girl having that awful ending to her life....made me feel so angry...

I wouldnt generally let one horror story put you off.

But I do think age 10 in a non enclosed garden with a flasher / rapist in the area is something I wouldn't be comfortable with either

I'm positively negligent then as my kids aged between 5 and 9 have camped in the garden several times without an adult....

You’re not negligent, you don’t think there is a risk.

The problem is and I’m saying this gently and kindly, no parent does until it happens to them.

Absolutely not.

Five is very young to be sleeping outside on their own. A nine year old is not old enough to act as guardian or be responsible
.

I don't think I would allow this...I do think I'm a bit more conservative about this sort of thing though and personally have nothing but horrible memories of most sleepovers I went to as a child, so I think my opinion is a bit coloured by that.

8 and 10 and every weekend since lockdown unless it's been too wet. One of their fondest memories of this time!