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Original poster

Husband won’t lend daughter uni money

149 replies

meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:01

My Daughter is due to start uni she heard from the accomadation today and they want a Guarantor or she has to pay £6000 upfront which she didn’t see this before she applied -
So my husband has a decent amount of money and I have a little his daughter lives with us and I have brought all her clothes and needs for 6 years and I do everything for her she had to come live with us and I have had a lot stress with her mum and Social services but I’ve always stood by my husband and her and I do all the washing cooking cleaning gardening diy pay all the bills we pay 1/2 each although he earns lots more than me.
My daughter would pay back the loan with her student maintence loan but he won’t help at all.
So now I’m wrestling with I’m hurt yo well it’s his money etc

Id do anything for my children he just doensy so much for his own Daughter so I suppose why would he do anything for mine.
I’m wondering if we are too different to have a lover Marriage we have had - then it is his money so I wonder is my heart ruling my head ?

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 02/07/2020 20:03

Is her own dad about?

WineAndHobnobs · 02/07/2020 20:05

That is terrible! Is there any way you could get a loan to help? I couldn't be with a man like that, tbh.

Sheenais · 02/07/2020 20:06

Why don’t you sign as her guarantor instead of paying upfront? How will she pay him back out of her loan? Won’t she need that to live on?

lunar1 · 02/07/2020 20:06

That's awful, and I don't think this is something could forgive. Especially as her financial assistance will have taken his income into consideration as you live together.

Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:06

@TitianaTitsling

Is her own dad about?
He’s an alcoholic he’s got nothing he’s never supported her or paid child support sadly
OP posts:
nokidshere · 02/07/2020 20:06

Is it in halls? We had to pay a deposit of £300 for one of mine but not the other. No guarantor needed for either and no rent upfront. They took it termly from the maintenance loan.

If it's a private landlord ignore me.

Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:07

@WineAndHobnobs

That is terrible! Is there any way you could get a loan to help? I couldn't be with a man like that, tbh.
I work part time I couldn’t eh ya. £6000 loan I would in a heartbeat
OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:08

@Sheenais

Why don’t you sign as her guarantor instead of paying upfront? How will she pay him back out of her loan? Won’t she need that to live on?
Student maintence is paying for your accomadation I don’t work enough hours to qualify nor I would
OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:09

@nokidshere

Is it in halls? We had to pay a deposit of £300 for one of mine but not the other. No guarantor needed for either and no rent upfront. They took it termly from the maintenance loan.

If it's a private landlord ignore me.

Year one in the uni accomadation in Portsmouth she had the email today £250 deposit and the rest I saw it in the email
OP posts:
StudyBuddy · 02/07/2020 20:09

If she's your daughter but you're not her mum or her dad and your husband isn't her dad then who are you and how is she your daughter?
Why can't you just be a guarantor instead of paying the £6000?

Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:10

@lunar1

That's awful, and I don't think this is something could forgive. Especially as her financial assistance will have taken his income into consideration as you live together.
I can barely talk to him. I have clothed him and his child for years I do everything for them both and he would 100% get the money back I don’t feel too great atm feel hurt
OP posts:
fuzzymoon · 02/07/2020 20:10

That's really sad.
We had to be guarantor for each years accommodation and had to pay a deposit.
I think he is being really mean and not treating your D as an equal like he expects you to treat his D.
There would be strong words said about this. Its not just the money it's what it says about his care towards your D

Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:12

@StudyBuddy

If she's your daughter but you're not her mum or her dad and your husband isn't her dad then who are you and how is she your daughter? Why can't you just be a guarantor instead of paying the £6000?
Eh ?

She any daughter
My husbands step Daughter

I am not in full time employment I’m self employed due to health reasons

OP posts:
DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 02/07/2020 20:12

Can he not be her garuntor?

This seems a bit ridiculous, is she staying in halls? 6K is masses for student accommodation, I cant believe they are asking this upfront from a student. Many students wont have a garuntor or 6k

Your DH sounds like a total shit tbh

Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:13

@fuzzymoon

That's really sad. We had to be guarantor for each years accommodation and had to pay a deposit. I think he is being really mean and not treating your D as an equal like he expects you to treat his D. There would be strong words said about this. Its not just the money it's what it says about his care towards your D
Yes Thankyou - you have nailed it It’s not the money it’s the way I’ve looked after his child and she was just 6 when we meet and 14 soon and I do all her care and she’s rude to me

I don’t ask him for anything and this has made me think about our future ....

I hate asking anyone for anything

OP posts:
jgjgjgjgjg · 02/07/2020 20:14

Why can't your husband sign as guarantor? There's no reason for anyone to be shelling out £6000 as presumably you are confident that your daughter won't default?

It does sound odd though, are you quite sure you've got it right? There are many families where neither parent would be eligible to sign as a guarantor and finding £6000 would be utterly out of the question. Could she approach the Student Union for advice?

ECBC · 02/07/2020 20:14

That’s ridiculous. Can you sign on as her guarantor if you’re self-employed?

Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:15

@DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon

Can he not be her garuntor?

This seems a bit ridiculous, is she staying in halls? 6K is masses for student accommodation, I cant believe they are asking this upfront from a student. Many students wont have a garuntor or 6k

Your DH sounds like a total shit tbh

He won’t do anything to help I expired to him he said if that’s sh!t and then he said oh and walked off Now he simply doesn’t want to knwk tells me she can travel each day That would mean a ferry which is always cancelled as weather and the cost inaffordable

Yes we think it’s bad uni students have all got a way to find this have they

OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:16

@ECBC

That’s ridiculous. Can you sign on as her guarantor if you’re self-employed?
No my income is too erratic
OP posts:
AIMD · 02/07/2020 20:16

In your position I would feel angry too. If he can easily afford it and you have lived as a family (albeit it 2 families blended) it’s surprising he is refusing to help.

Have you been clear with him about your feeling about the matter? Have you told him what you have said here about feeling let down and sad that you have done a lot for him and your step-daughter and now he’s not helping you.

LIZS · 02/07/2020 20:16

Is it private halls? Most uni owned halls only require payment after arrival when the maintenance loan has arrived. Assume she has submitted SF application, was his income included? Could she ask the uni or SU for a short term help?

Hoppinggreen · 02/07/2020 20:16

So she isn’t his daughter? How long has he been in her life?
It would be nice if he did lend it to her but he’s under no obligation to unfortunately

BeardyButton · 02/07/2020 20:17

God. Im so sorry to hear this. Tbh... This would be ltb for me. I had a step dad (and a shit dad). Step dad would have given me his last farthing. I loved him so much (he died about 5yrs ago). My dh has a step dad. He used to time his showers so he would use too much electricity.
I know first hand how important the stepdad role is. I couldnt get over this.

LochJessMonster · 02/07/2020 20:17

Being a guarantor for someone is actually a huge ask. If she defaults on the payments (and you have no way of knowing the future) he could end up with a huge bailiff bill.

Unfortunately relationship between parents/children do sour and to risk £6000??

I wouldn’t do it. There are other options.

lyralalala · 02/07/2020 20:17

Your husband sounds hideous. He earns much more, has a daughter who lives with you, but you split everything equally?

You do all of the care for his daughter, but he won't give yours a temporary loan?

That's not a partnership