Page 4 | Husband won’t lend daughter uni money

meme70 · 2020-07-02T19:01:39+00:00

My Daughter is due to start uni she heard from the accomadation today and they want a Guarantor or she has to pay £6000 upfront which she didn’t see this before she applied - So my husband has a decent amount of money and I have a little his daughter lives with us and I have brought all her clothes and needs for 6 years and I do everything for her she had to come live with us and I have had a lot stress with her mum and Social services but I’ve always stood by my husband and her and I do all the washing cooking cleaning gardening diy pay all the bills we pay 1/2 each although he earns lots more than me. My daughter would pay back the loan with her student maintence loan but he won’t help at all. So now I’m wrestling with I’m hurt yo well it’s his money etc Id do anything for my children he just doensy so much for his own Daughter so I suppose why would he do anything for mine. I’m wondering if we are too different to have a lover Marriage we have had - then it is his money so I wonder is my heart ruling my head ?

Lockheart · 02/07/2020 20:57

Your daughter needs to discuss this with her university. They should be able to help her find more affordable accommodation, and possibly help with grants.

Babyroobs · 02/07/2020 20:58

Are you sure this is correct ? My DS was in halls for his first year and we didn't have to have a guarantor for 6k ??

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:58

@BlessYourCottonSocks

He has £190k in cash???

You do seem determined to shoot advice down. Stay with him then.

No I didn’t say £190,000 cash Don’t comment if you feel the need to be a nasty troll

OP posts:

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:59

@AIMD

So he’s just generally sit at caring for anyone else then op. In all honesty it doesn’t seem like you have anything to loose by divorcing him. You get nothing from him now anyway.

I do agree with a previous post that suggested giving him and invoice for the care/clothes etc you have provided for his daughter.

He is aware of what I did and spent he doesn’t care

OP posts:

FlameFartingDragon · 02/07/2020 20:59

Honestly, I have never heard of someone being asked to pay 6000 pounds rent up front - how will it be held? In a Deposit Scheme? This sounds well dodgy.

Universities are usually willing to act as guarantors - she should talk to the University Accomodation or Housing Team.

Your partner sounds like a selfish twat.

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:59

@Babyroobs

Are you sure this is correct ? My DS was in halls for his first year and we didn't have to have a guarantor for 6k ??

Yes ween the email offering what the uni halls accm with these clauses

OP posts:

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:00

@FlameFartingDragon

Honestly, I have never heard of someone being asked to pay 6000 pounds rent up front - how will it be held? In a Deposit Scheme? This sounds well dodgy.

Universities are usually willing to act as guarantors - she should talk to the University Accomodation or Housing Team.

Your partner sounds like a selfish twat.

We were shocked too

Yes he is a greedy man

OP posts:

chaoticisatroll55 · 02/07/2020 21:01

It's a fairly standard thing when your children move into student rental properties that parents have to be guarantors. Perhaps he should have done his homework sooner and read up on what was required. It's a bit shit letting her get that far then pulling the plug! He's an idiot.

MiniMum97 · 02/07/2020 21:02

He sounds horrible. And you are married why do you have his money and your money anyway. Especially if you are at home looking after his child. That doesn't seem right at all.

My DH is not my son's dad but treats him as if he was and he can't do enough to help him. He would actually give him way more help than I think is ok in fact, I have to reign him in! I think my son needs to stand on his own two feet to an extent.

Of course he should loan the money or sign as guarantor. My DH was guarantor for my son's accommodation. We bought him equipment for uni, helped him out with money each month and for some extras/bailing out when he came unstuck.

Awful that he won't even consider a loan ffs. What is his reasoning? I don't understand it what does he expect her to do or does he just not care.

Can you leave him? Would you leave him? Then half of "his money" would be yours. Sounds mercenary but he sounds like an arse who is potentially financially abusive.

BlessYourCottonSocks · 02/07/2020 21:04

A nasty troll? Don't be ridiculous. You're in AIBU so I advise you to grow up a bit. Honestly, everything people have suggested to you has been ignored or discounted! I'm not sure what you want except to complain. Yes YABU.

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:04

@chaoticisatroll55

It's a fairly standard thing when your children move into student rental properties that parents have to be guarantors. Perhaps he should have done his homework sooner and read up on what was required. It's a bit shit letting her get that far then pulling the plug! He's an idiot.

He doesn’t take any interest in my daughters or even his own

OP posts:

Harpischord · 02/07/2020 21:05

He is a nasty person.

Guarantor insurance is available instead but it's not cheap.
We looked into it when my son needed one for his uni.

9caratyellowgold · 02/07/2020 21:05

Yes he's a arsehole OP but you seem determined to remain his victim, putting your DDs future in jeopardy in the process. If you're not willing to consider walking away, and getting what you're entitled to through divorce, what advice can anyone give you?

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:05

@BlessYourCottonSocks

A nasty troll? Don't be ridiculous. You're in AIBU so I advise you to grow up a bit. Honestly, everything people have suggested to you has been ignored or discounted! I'm not sure what you want except to complain. Yes YABU.

Please go away

OP posts:

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:06

@9caratyellowgold

Yes he's a arsehole OP but you seem determined to remain his victim, putting your DDs future in jeopardy in the process. If you're not willing to consider walking away, and getting what you're entitled to through divorce, what advice can anyone give you?

A victim this is why I lmao at some people in here Bye

OP posts:

skeemee · 02/07/2020 21:08

Phone uni student advice service tomorrow. I’m sure they will be able to help/advise.

If you know your DH has £190k in the bank that he will hide, I suggest you take a copy of his bank statement (or whatever) that you have seen with this figure on it. You never know when you might need proof of this.

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:09

@MiniMum97

He sounds horrible. And you are married why do you have his money and your money anyway. Especially if you are at home looking after his child. That doesn't seem right at all.

My DH is not my son's dad but treats him as if he was and he can't do enough to help him. He would actually give him way more help than I think is ok in fact, I have to reign him in! I think my son needs to stand on his own two feet to an extent.

Of course he should loan the money or sign as guarantor. My DH was guarantor for my son's accommodation. We bought him equipment for uni, helped him out with money each month and for some extras/bailing out when he came unstuck.

Awful that he won't even consider a loan ffs. What is his reasoning? I don't understand it what does he expect her to do or does he just not care.

Can you leave him? Would you leave him? Then half of "his money" would be yours. Sounds mercenary but he sounds like an arse who is potentially financially abusive.

Thankyou for a normal well educated reply and not calling me names like the above

I have my savings in land we purchased to build a house so financially I’m stuck

I’m now considering my options
Don’t lie people on here being nasty calling me names they don’t know all the story so wish they didn’t judge

OP posts:

laurenlodge · 02/07/2020 21:10

Sorry, but along with others I'm confused. What is the £6000 for and what is the £250 for?

Is she in university provided halls, private halls (eg Unite) or a private house? If it's university provided halls there is no way they're asking for £6k up front - you must have misunderstood.

skeemee · 02/07/2020 21:13

Also, student finance had a section for the student to complete if they don’t have parental support, for instance if the relationship has broken down. Would this not apply to your DD?

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:13

@laurenlodge

Sorry, but along with others I'm confused. What is the £6000 for and what is the £250 for?

Is she in university provided halls, private halls (eg Unite) or a private house? If it's university provided halls there is no way they're asking for £6k up front - you must have misunderstood.

They are ibe sen the email

£250 deposit

Then a guarantor if you have y one they want a years rent upfront

Maybe as cornavirus ?

OP posts:

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:13

@skeemee

Also, student finance had a section for the student to complete if they don’t have parental support, for instance if the relationship has broken down. Would this not apply to your DD?

No as she lives at home that’s classed as parental support

OP posts:

Sickoffamilydrama · 02/07/2020 21:14

You need proof of the money he has op find some way even if it's a sneaky picture of the balance. Courts now come down hard on people who hide assets.

burnoutbabe · 02/07/2020 21:14

I too am confused, paying £6,000 upfront is very very unusual.

At worse it would be a terms rent, once the student loan comes in.

Being a guarantor wouldn't mean paying money up front? Just a risk you may have to I'd daughter doesn't pay.

Original poster

meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:16

@Sickoffamilydrama

You need proof of the money he has op find some way even if it's a sneaky picture of the balance. Courts now come down hard on people who hide assets.

Tbh I really can’t dave a nasty money battle he can but the land share off me we do own inlaid all My savings for

OP posts:

skeemee · 02/07/2020 21:16

@laurenlodge

Sorry, but along with others I'm confused. What is the £6000 for and what is the £250 for?

Is she in university provided halls, private halls (eg Unite) or a private house? If it's university provided halls there is no way they're asking for £6k up front - you must have misunderstood.

I agree^

Is Unite the only provider, or does the Uni have their own halls? Sometimes unis take private halls over if they are oversubscribed, but on much lower rents and T&Cs