Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won’t lend daughter uni money

149 replies

meme70 · 02/07/2020 20:01

My Daughter is due to start uni she heard from the accomadation today and they want a Guarantor or she has to pay £6000 upfront which she didn’t see this before she applied -
So my husband has a decent amount of money and I have a little his daughter lives with us and I have brought all her clothes and needs for 6 years and I do everything for her she had to come live with us and I have had a lot stress with her mum and Social services but I’ve always stood by my husband and her and I do all the washing cooking cleaning gardening diy pay all the bills we pay 1/2 each although he earns lots more than me.
My daughter would pay back the loan with her student maintence loan but he won’t help at all.
So now I’m wrestling with I’m hurt yo well it’s his money etc

Id do anything for my children he just doensy so much for his own Daughter so I suppose why would he do anything for mine.
I’m wondering if we are too different to have a lover Marriage we have had - then it is his money so I wonder is my heart ruling my head ?

OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:16

@burnoutbabe

I too am confused, paying £6,000 upfront is very very unusual.

At worse it would be a terms rent, once the student loan comes in.

Being a guarantor wouldn't mean paying money up front? Just a risk you may have to I'd daughter doesn't pay.

If you don’t have a guarantor you have to pay a years rent upfront I read it. It’s a legit email with accomadation offer she had a week to agree
OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:17

@meme70
Uni halls £160 Pe rent x 38 weeks

OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 21:18

[quote meme70]@meme70
Uni halls £160 Pe rent x 38 weeks[/quote]
PW

OP posts:
MushyPeasAreTheDevilsFood · 02/07/2020 21:19

Speak to a solicitor. Employ a forensic accountant.

Lockheart · 02/07/2020 21:19

Get your daughter to call the university and ask them to help find some accommodation that doesn't require a year's rent up front.

SummerDayWinterEvenings · 02/07/2020 21:21

@lyralalala

He has £190,000 in the bank I’m sore £6000 isn’t going to hurt to lend

It'll hurt him splitting that when you divorce him

That's exactly what I'd be doing.

I'd get all the paperwork and divorce him and give her some money. F**K that. That's financial abuse.
ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 02/07/2020 21:27

I'm another that's confused. University halls for first year is usually only a deposit of a few hundred when you accept the offer, and then you have options of paying the lot up front or instalments, either monthly or termly when the maintenance loan has been paid.
In subsequent years to rent privately there is a month's rent deposit and a guarantor is needed.

Flyingagainstreason · 02/07/2020 21:28

Just see a solicitor
It’s really simple. Advise of the online betting accounts
Advise of the cash
Advise of any bank accounts
Take any paperwork you can find.
Screenshots of everything possible.

Then get serious legal advice.

He clearly doesn’t give a shit about you or your family.

Candyfloss99 · 02/07/2020 21:28

Why on earth have you been paying for all his child's expenses when you have no money and he has £190,000? I can't comprehend how anyone could think this is reasonable behaviour.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 21:34

Just sign as the bloody guarantor, fgs Confused. It's quite normal for this to be a requirement.

nokidshere · 02/07/2020 21:44

Just sign as the bloody guarantor, fgs .
Not everyone is eligible, there are quite strict criteria

It's quite normal for this to be a requirement.
No it really isn't in halls in the first year. More likely in subsequent years bit the first.

Your daughter needs to speak to uni, they will have other options available to her. But I also think you have misunderstood.

PlanDeRaccordement · 02/07/2020 21:45

I also am confused.
Why can’t you be guarantor? Your income being erratic or part time shouldn’t matter. You just have to have a large enough income to cover 6k per annum. Especially since you know your DDs loan will cover it so you will have no risk

I’d just sign in your shoes and press on.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 21:49

If op is a home owner I'm sure she'll qualify, and maybe her daughter didn't get a place in halls, and has to rent privately?

Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 22:09

@Thisismytimetoshine

Just sign as the bloody guarantor, fgs Confused. It's quite normal for this to be a requirement.
Well as I explained I can’t as I don’t work full time im self employed hence not that simple
OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 22:11

@PlanDeRaccordement

I also am confused. Why can’t you be guarantor? Your income being erratic or part time shouldn’t matter. You just have to have a large enough income to cover 6k per annum. Especially since you know your DDs loan will cover it so you will have no risk

I’d just sign in your shoes and press on.

I don’t earn enough to be one I have explained this in here
OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 22:11

@Thisismytimetoshine

If op is a home owner I'm sure she'll qualify, and maybe her daughter didn't get a place in halls, and has to rent privately?
No I rent a private rented house
OP posts:
Original poster
meme70 · 02/07/2020 22:14

@nokidshere

Just sign as the bloody guarantor, fgs . Not everyone is eligible, there are quite strict criteria

It's quite normal for this to be a requirement.
No it really isn't in halls in the first year. More likely in subsequent years bit the first.

Your daughter needs to speak to uni, they will have other options available to her. But I also think you have misunderstood.

I havent misunderstood

The email offered her a uni halls accomadation she has to have a guarantor that’s earning a full time wage I don’t
If you don’t you ha e to lay a years rent up front

There’s nothing to misunderstand

OP posts:
Igotthemheavyboobs · 02/07/2020 22:14

Honestly your 'd' h sounds like a total cunt. I would be walking away from that relationship, money or not. He is financially abusive and will never change.

nokidshere · 02/07/2020 22:17

The email offered her a uni halls accomadation she has to have a guarantor that’s earning a full time wage I don’t If you don’t you ha e to lay a years rent up front

Then you need to speak to uni. They will sort it out. There are a great many students who also don't have guarantor or 6k. Your daughter certainly won't be the only person.

RedDiamond · 02/07/2020 22:25

Ask someone else to be Guarantor. My Uncle was for my DD as I was not working. As long as someone can be credit referenced, it does not matter who the Guarantor is.

And then I would LTB.

nokidshere · 02/07/2020 22:26

Also, most unis are in a right mess this year through lack of funds, no international students, refunds for last terms rents, and all the covid safe stuff they are doing for September. They really need students as so many are defering. This should be favourable for them to give help if it's needed.

Boohoohoohooho · 02/07/2020 22:27

Get your daughter to call the Uni and to call Unite. They might be able to sort something out. Maybe she could pay half the year instead of the whole year. Your daughter won’t be the only student in this situation.
Would it help if she switched to cheaper accommodation? There is Unite accommodation in Portsmouth for £100 a week. That’s a big difference.
If you daughter works over the summer she would be able to save quite a bit before she starts.

backseatcookers · 02/07/2020 22:29

Just see a solicitor
It’s really simple. Advise of the online betting accounts

Advise of the cash
Advise of any bank accounts
Take any paperwork you can find.
Then get serious legal advice.

He clearly doesn’t give a shit about you or your family.

This.

I understand you say you think he'll hide stuff but what's the alternative to getting legal advice and pursuing a divorce?

Spending the rest of your life with a man you know is a selfish, nasty person?!

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 02/07/2020 22:30

Speak to your daughters Uni welfare fund !

This is exactly why 'household income' is a really SHIT way to do this...

We had the same. My daughter has her degrees but only because I chucked him out !!

notapizzaeater · 02/07/2020 22:40

Why are you still with him? He does nothing for you, and is showing his true colours.

Swipe left for the next trending thread