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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 02/07/2020 08:28

Nan Bread My best friend at School and I both had the same name!We were known as the 2 "Janes" .Never thought about it really .I can however see why OP might be surprised DF is using it .We never told anyone our choice of names for DS ,and just said we hadnt decided or mention a few we werent keen on.

Bluntness100 · 02/07/2020 08:35

I think if the friend had posted,,

I’ve always loved x name, and intended to call my baby it if I had a girl. My friend however had her daughter first, and used the name, am I now not allowed to use it.

Then peoooe would be saying use the name you wish.

TheoneandObi · 02/07/2020 08:37

Well I probably wouldn't have done what your friend did. But I don't think I'd get upset about it. If your DDS end up friends they'll find the whole thing quite cute
This is pretty small stuff to stress about!

FinallyRelief · 02/07/2020 08:46

My old school friend did this then went no contact with me! Bizarre!

DontStandSoClose · 02/07/2020 08:53

I’d name my child whatever I liked, you are a friend not her sister, you could quite easily drift/move away in a few years and it won’t make any difference. I’d only avoid using the same name if it was a close relative to be honest. She may well have already had the name in mind and you just beat her to it. I had a name in mind for a daughter when I was around 21 (elderly relative’s name) I had my first child at 32 and I did name her that (my husband liked it too luckily!). My sister did actually like the name too but I did beat her to it.

Once your child starts nursery/school there is always a chance no matter how unique you think your baby’s name is that there will be another child with the same name, what will you do then?

Nottherealslimshady · 02/07/2020 08:55

Theres a name I've loved for years, unusual, theres no one that could stop me using that name for my child, if someone else named their child that I would say, congratulations, I love that name, its definitely what I'll be choosing for my future child too. Honestly she might have felt awkward at the time but you dont get to dibs a name.

StopTheWorldImGettingOffNow · 02/07/2020 09:01

YABU. Completely unreasonable!

On the other side of the coin, our in-laws managed to get pregnant and have their baby first and used the name we had always said we wanted to use. When we finally had our DS I didn't feel I could use it for a blood relative, so first cousins would have had the same name, and we thought that was unfair on the grandparents. It was a name DH and I had agreed on years earlier and it was hard to deal with that.

If it had been a friend there's no chance in hell I wouldn't have used it!

LegitSnack · 02/07/2020 09:02

I'd had my "boy name" picked out for years. Thomas.

Then, one of my husbands friends called their son Tom. My husband insisted we use a different name as the friend will say we copied.

We called our son Samuel instead, which I love but it's not the name I wanted.

He doesn't even see the friend anymore!

My point is, just because you used the name first it doesn't mean she hadn't had her heart set on it for years. I wish I'd stuck to my guns, so good for her!

Musicaltheatremum · 02/07/2020 09:04

My daughter was one of 4 children in her senior school with the same name. They had to devise a way of telling them apart by abbreviations. (This name has multiple spellings and shortened forms)
Another friend of mine married a woman if the same name. So cards say to X and X
There were 2 X s and 2 A' s in my baby group. (Six of us we knew each other before the births)
Relax...it's a first world problem

MinnieJackson · 02/07/2020 09:08

There were two girls with the same name in our friendship group. Say the name was 'Alice'. Alice and I walked into the pub one night to meet our friends and walked into the conversation at the complete wrong moment as a guy was asking 'do you mean thin Alice or fat Alice' It was awful!

Wtfdidwedo · 02/07/2020 09:09

A work colleague has a new baby; last year he told me his wife had always had her heart set on the name I called my child and specifically asked me if it was weird. I told him I didn't think it was weird in the slightest, especially given I only see him outside work two or three times a year, and only see his wife on very few family work occasions. When the birth was announced quite a few other colleagues messaged me to ask if I'd given him "permission", it was all a bit odd!

I agree with a PP too, lots of children get excited about sharing a name.

riversandhills · 02/07/2020 09:11

School classes very commonly have multiples of the same name - I have three girls with the same name in a class of 19! It's not an issue for classmates, teachers, friends...

You can't call dibs on a name - but you can decide if it's worth losing your friend over.

malificent7 · 02/07/2020 09:12

It would annoy me but not much you can do! Like someone said...no imagination.

Extraordinarymagic · 02/07/2020 09:18

It’s your own insecurity that makes you feel your daughter name is less special here. It’s quite clear your friend had already picked this name for her child and it obviously meant a lot to her and her DH to do so. She even told you this when you called your daughter that name.

We are struggling to conceive. On our honeymoon in front of a fire pit on a beach in Malaysia after a very special day we sat down and talked about what we hoped for from our marriage and we picked our baby names and in particular the girls name is very important to us. It’s a nod to both our fathers which is nice in a girls name and especially as my husbands father is no longer with us. it’s a nod to me and to my grandmother whom I’m very close to. My friend just called her daughter the same name however I don’t see that as having anything to do with our decision which reflects our own family and life. People need to realise it’s not all about them when someone gives a child the same name. You say she gave her daughter your daughters name. I say she gave her daughter the name she had picked for her.

Extraordinarymagic · 02/07/2020 09:20

@malificent7 why on earth would it indicate no imagination? It’s pretty clear when she told the op she loved and wanted to use that name that she had already picked it. Very childish to assume ‘copying’

Notonthestairs · 02/07/2020 09:21

"People need to realise it’s not all about them when someone gives a child the same name. You say she gave her daughter your daughters name. I say she gave her daughter the name she had picked for her."

^^ this sums it up beautifully.

Malbecblooms · 02/07/2020 09:24

We were the very last of our friends to have children die to infertility. In the meantime our name choices had gone to our friends children. Just because they could conceive quicker than us doesn't mean we don't get to name our children the names we love.

Fwiw, they are not unusual per se but not frequently used either. Quite middle class names so they stand out a bit, not in the top 50 names so it stands out a bit more that the children share names.

ladymary86 · 02/07/2020 09:35

I suppose I can see why you would be a bit disappointed but ultimately you do have to focus on the fact that the name changes nothing about your child - that is NOT what makes them special.
Also, your friend has said she will "probably" use it and "quite likes it" - I suspect this will come to nothing and she'll choose a different name. Not that I think she should tbh.
When I was pregnant with DC2 I really wanted to use a girls name I had loved since childhood. My husband (at the time) cousin used a variation of the name I loved a couple of years before and I still wanted to use it as we only saw them at Christmas/special occasions etc. He put his foot down and took the name off the table and we had a boy anyway (and now we are divorced). But I was pissed off.
Why should your friend not get to use an name that she likes? How would you feel if you had to name your child your second choice name? No one should have to do that. If she does use the same name and you value your friendship, you just need to accept it. Is it worth falling out over?

sst1234 · 02/07/2020 09:38

Do you own the rights to the name?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 02/07/2020 09:43

Depends really-how unique is this name? Any tell without knowing what the name is really.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 09:44

@Wtfdidwedo

A work colleague has a new baby; last year he told me his wife had always had her heart set on the name I called my child and specifically asked me if it was weird. I told him I didn't think it was weird in the slightest, especially given I only see him outside work two or three times a year, and only see his wife on very few family work occasions. When the birth was announced quite a few other colleagues messaged me to ask if I'd given him "permission", it was all a bit odd!

I agree with a PP too, lots of children get excited about sharing a name.

That's extremely odd. Permission Confused
ladybirdsarelovely33 · 02/07/2020 09:48

What are your thoughts now OP?

blissfulllife · 02/07/2020 09:54

That's nothing OP. My sis in law called her child the shortened version of my child's name even though it's what we call our child!!!

Made herself look a right tit really x

Extraordinarymagic · 02/07/2020 09:54

@blissfulllife why exactly did she make herself look a right tit?

Iwalkinmyclothing · 02/07/2020 09:57

My eldest son has the same name as a good friend's eldest son. My son is older and when my friend gave birth and dared to give her son a beautiful name that she and his father loved and which went well with their surname, I was incensed and demanded she apologise and grovel to me, because didn't she realise that I now owned my son's name and that anyone connected to me who wished to use it could not do so without seeking permission?

Only, I didn't, I said, "excellent choice, he's gorgeous", because I am not a complete tit.

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