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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Cherrytea · 02/07/2020 07:37

I love how parents get really protective over name. Then when my little one meets anyone with the same name gets really excited they have the same name.

Levrierssontmeilleurs · 02/07/2020 07:39

Maybe she had always wanted to use the name and was pissed off you’d used it first ? YABU

birdwatching · 02/07/2020 07:43

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I know several Evies. It is not unusual at all.

I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name.

there is no more 'special-ness' in that name than any other name.

You are completely overreacting!

And how often do you see each other? Even if kids are in the same school, they won't be on the same class or year.

I think you are completely overreacting. In a few years you will think back and just cringe!

Tink2007 · 02/07/2020 07:45

YABU.

When DD1 was born her name was relatively uncommon. A woman who was a customer at the shop I used to work in saw me with her a couple of months after she was born and asked her name. I told her and she loved it. She saw me a few months later, pregnant with a girl and asked if she could use the name. Was bemused for say the least. I took it as a compliment.

Second DD’s name is pretty common. Usually in the top 20.

I’m currently expecting our DD3 and had my heart set on a name. A friend of mine gave birth to her daughter prematurely and without her knowing the name we had chosen she named her DD it. Will I be changing ours? Nope. Friend doesn’t get the right to refuse me use of a name I love and had chosen but not announced.

How can you dictate what your friend will call her child? Especially when she told you at the time she had always liked that name?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 02/07/2020 07:46

It's a name, you have no claim over it. It used to be really common for people to name children after people they loved, or family members. You will just have to get over it.

zhivagodr · 02/07/2020 07:46

Some people really need to read the op thread properly Hmm the name is NOT Evie!

OP- I’d be absolutely pissed at this too.

Yesmate · 02/07/2020 07:47

Weird

eggofmantumbi · 02/07/2020 07:47

I have my heart set on a particular name for a boy. I definitely would still use it if someone else used it first!

ElinoristhenewEnid · 02/07/2020 07:47

When did unique names become a thing? Definitely not when I had my children!

I had a son called A and my friend had a daughter B. I subsequently had a daughter and called her B and my friend had a son and called him A. Neither of us batted an eyelid over it. Another friend subsequently called her son A as well!

My dd was also called same name as my cousin's dd but worked out as I had only seen cousin's dd 6 times in 17 years it would not be a problem. In past 30 years seen her only twice more! No problem!

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 02/07/2020 07:48

She probably had that name picked for a girl long before you decided to use it. Maybe she's pissed off at you.

ImAncient · 02/07/2020 07:48

Try being Greek & having the same names as a zillion cousins as we name after the grandparents. My dcs share names with their cousins as me & dh do with ours (& our siblings obviously!) it’s no biggie. Or as has happened your sibling & your dc end up with the same names due to in laws names.

Dh & I couldn’t wait to name our dog as that’s the only time we’ve been able to choose a name.

Also I was very relieved that my in laws had nice names!!

So a friend having the same name - nah wouldn’t bother me.

LuckyC27 · 02/07/2020 07:50

My OH have had a girls name picked for years all our family etc know we love the name and recently one of his best friends partners is pregnant with a little girl and has also picked that name. Obviously his friend wouldn't know we also have that name picked out as i don't think men discuss future baby names like women do! If we do have a little girl I will still call her by that name, with so many people in friendship groups having babies at similar times its inevitable that some will end up with similar/same names.

Pelleas · 02/07/2020 07:51

Unless you invent a unique name, there are always going to be other people around who have the same name as your child.

HelloDulling · 02/07/2020 07:51

Where did you get the name from? I suspect your inspiration isn’t as original as you think.

princesspeppax · 02/07/2020 07:52

YANBU, my friend has also named her DD same as mine. Also an unusual name Sad

GreenTulips · 02/07/2020 07:55

birdwatching

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn

Did you actually read that before you posted? .

eaglejulesk · 02/07/2020 07:56

Oh get over yourself OP - it's a name! What does it matter.

CeibaTree · 02/07/2020 08:00

When I was growing up there were multiple Toms, Bens, Sarahs, etc in the same class. And it was a fairly small town so a lot of the parents would have been friends pre-children. So I guess it wasn't such a big deal back then to name your children the same as your friend's. I wouldn't worry about it too much OP - I get that you are feeling a bit miffed about it, but it doesn't really impact you or your daughter's day to day life in a negative way does it? And I assume that as you are friends with the other mother, you must have lots in common and similar tastes, so it's not actually that weird that you like the same name..

eausolovely · 02/07/2020 08:00

I don't see the issue, my other half is called Matthew and he has 5 other friends from school all called Matthew from the same year group and village.

He is actually the only one who goes by his name as they all have nicknames for each other anyway. At school I had two very close friends called Beth. Little Beth ended up being the short one and the other one just got Beth.

It happens all the time, kids can be friends if they have the same name so it shouldn't cause her any issues at school and I wouldn't let it come between you she must have really loved it to pick it and she shouldn't have to give it up if she loves it that much.

billy1966 · 02/07/2020 08:01

OP,
I can understand your disappointment as it has happened to a couple of friends and while they didn't fall out it certainly pissed them off.

This child won't be in your daughter's class?
This is the most important bit I think.

Because in one of my daughter's classes there was a glut of Sophie/Ava/Emily/ type names and the confusion it often caused!

The girls all had the first letter of their surname attached to their name which has stuck.

My daughter told me the girls hated it and she would have hated it too.

If their are two names in a class it often becomes Big Mary and Small Mary!

Definitely to be a avoided where possible.

I chose a generic name for one of my son's and it annoyed him in secondary. He became known by his second name as a result. 🤷‍♀️

Scarby9 · 02/07/2020 08:02

From the ages of 4-12, I lived next door to my absolute, 100% best friend at the time. We LOVED that we had the same name and were known as 'the Scarbys'.
At Secondary school, in my yeargroup of 60, there were 6 of us all with the same name. All became known (and still known among that group almost 50 years later) by nicknames, not our given name.
Now, for several years, no baby has been called my name I this country. I am the Auntie Ethel of my generation.
But none of that has ever bothered me. It is MY name and I don't mind in the least if anyone else is called it or not.

divafever99 · 02/07/2020 08:04

We have 2 children in our extended family with the same name. Don't really see what the issue is.

GinDrinker00 · 02/07/2020 08:11

It’s not that much of an unusual name.

Allthebestusernameshavegone · 02/07/2020 08:19

We used the same name as friends when we had our son.
Their little boy is about 2 years older than ours and when she was pregnant, we were talking about names and she mentioned the name he was likely to be called. We laughed and said that was the only name my husband and I could agree on if we were ever to have a boy.

Anyway, 2 years on we got pregnant. I wanted a nice welsh name for our boy but DH didn’t like any. We couldn’t agree on any. So we spoke to our friends and asked how they would feel. They were fine and remembered back to the conversation we had. We did change the spelling slightly so it’s the same name with a Welsh spelling.
They live about an hour from us so we don’t see them often but it’s never caused any issues.

Somersetlady · 02/07/2020 08:26

So just because you were lucky enough to get pregnant first she should give up on the name she (may have) always wanted to name a daughter???

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