Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 10:00

@blissfulllife

That's nothing OP. My sis in law called her child the shortened version of my child's name even though it's what we call our child!!!

Made herself look a right tit really x

She really didn't...
YouDirtyMare · 02/07/2020 10:00

You expect her to choose another name? Are you serious? She is not copying you. She is having the name she likes just like you did

starrynight87 · 02/07/2020 10:04

I wouldn't like it at all.

Really wish we knew the name though!

Mittens030869 · 02/07/2020 10:08

I don't see a problem with this either. DD2 (8) has a very popular name, and there are always other girls who are called that. It doesn't present a problem; it just means that when accepting party invitations I have to include her initial so that it's clear who I'm accepting the invitation for.

But then, I suppose I'm less invested because I didn't choose my DDs' names, as they're adopted.

blissfulllife · 02/07/2020 10:13

@Thisismytimetoshine yes!!! Think Ashley/ash or Robert/rob

Complete tit!

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/07/2020 10:16

@BonnyWeeOne

Same class. Two little Wilhelminas or whatever. It's known that their mums are friends. Kids are going to pick on the younger one for being a copycat or some such. It's not quite the same as having two Emily's/Katie's/Hannah's or toms/George/Jakes is it? Kids can be shits. They pick on the different kids, no matter what you do.
Load of rubbish!

My sister and her childhood best friend were born within a month of each other. Known each other since birth. Both called the same name and not once did anyone make fun of them or bully the younger one for being a copycat. They were both in the same classes right up through to secondary school.

Cadent · 02/07/2020 10:16

@blissfulllife I think Thisismytime is saying your SIL didn’t make a tit of herself...

Maybe she always liked that name? You don’t own a name.

ImAncient · 02/07/2020 10:18

@blissfulllife

That's nothing OP. My sis in law called her child the shortened version of my child's name even though it's what we call our child!!!

Made herself look a right tit really x

It’s not your SIL who is the tit.
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 02/07/2020 10:19

@MinnieJackson

There were two girls with the same name in our friendship group. Say the name was 'Alice'. Alice and I walked into the pub one night to meet our friends and walked into the conversation at the complete wrong moment as a guy was asking 'do you mean thin Alice or fat Alice' It was awful!
That’s because he was a dick!

I had two friends in my social group called the same thing. We called them by their first name and last initial because we’re not dicks.

IndieRo · 02/07/2020 10:19

That would piss me of. I would never chose the same name as a close friend... Weird.

Thisismytimetoshine · 02/07/2020 10:22

[quote blissfulllife]@Thisismytimetoshine yes!!! Think Ashley/ash or Robert/rob

Complete tit! [/quote]
I wasn't agreeing with you Confused. You really are quite hard of understanding.

sleepwhenidie · 02/07/2020 10:25

A story for you OP...when we chose DD's name we knew of no other people/children in RL with it. Maybe 1 or 2 characters/famous people that you could name, currently or in the past. It didn't appear in the list of 100 most popular girls names. This wasn't the basis on which we chose it, we just liked it. When DD went to nursery, there were 2 other little girls with the same name there! I like to maintain that those parents heard me in the park and copied (I joke, but they were a bit younger than DD Smile), but the truth is there is some weird kind of osmosis with names and unless you really go left field, there are going to be other children with the same one. Nursery was extreme but throughout school there has usually been one other girl of same name as DD (12). It doesn't matter. Let it go.

Osirus · 02/07/2020 10:25

It’s fine - two good friends of mine have daughters with the same name as my child. No one thinks it weird at all.

Bebbanburger · 02/07/2020 10:26

I didn't use the name we wanted for our son because our friends' son had the name. I regret it. It's a lovely name and a family name. He would have suited it more than he does his own name. In hindsight I don't think it would have been an issue at all. So YABU. It's about them not you.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 02/07/2020 10:27

I do think it's possible that when you told her your baby's name, it reminded her that this name was nice and that she'd always liked it. If you hadn't used it, she might not have remembered it, so you did kind of give her the idea. And I can see why that's galling. Especially because it's an unusual name and partly chosen for that reason. I think she's a bit 'off' selecting it. But you can't deny people the right to use what they love for their DC and you might not know her forever but the name will be her child's always. So I can see why she did it

Straycatstrut · 02/07/2020 10:35

It's not her fault you got pregnant first and were able to use it first. If she loves this name, why should she settle for her second choice... and always end up wishing she could've used her first?

I had a boys name in mind since I was a kid. I just loved it. Me and my friend both got pregnant around the same time - found out said friend was using that name too and was due before me. I loved that she loved the same name!

My two share their name with hundreds of other boys. Doesn't stop them both being totally (and I mean totally) unique in their individual ways.

Unless you have made up the name and copyrighted it, YABU.

blissfulllife · 02/07/2020 10:38

@Cadent @Thisismytimetoshine

Oh sorry lol tired eyes after night shift.

Everyone always very shocked at her choice of name to be honest. I've never addressed it as I agree i don't own the name etc but the confused looks we get at family gatherings like weddings. I've just chosen to use my child's full name when they are around to avoid confusion. Just felt it was a bit inconsiderate and weird tbh x

Bibidy · 02/07/2020 10:45

I can see why you feel a bit pissed off, I would too.

BUT realistically she may have always been planning to use the name and just can't find any others she likes as much. I imagine she has probably tried given that you (a close friend) have already used the name, but maybe she honestly just has her heart set on it.

As others have said, she probably felt the same upset when you used the name in the first place so it's just an awkward situation.

Mrsmchammer · 02/07/2020 10:52

Have you the same surname? Otherwise, who cares? My brother and I would have used the same boys first name probably but with different pet names, and my married name obviously gives a different surname. I lost my baby, he had a girl so in the end it didn't matter.
I don't personally see an issue.
She clearly loved the name.

luckylavender · 02/07/2020 10:57

OP - I'm with you. It's odd.

Dozer · 02/07/2020 11:05

YABU, people move around so the chances of the DC being in the same circles for years on end are low, and DC in the same parents’ social circles/class having the same name happens loads anyway.

Extraordinarymagic · 02/07/2020 11:22

@luckylavender why exactly is it odd? Two people randomly love the same name. Both call their children that name. Or are you so Childish as to believe who got their ‘first’ owns the name?

Extraordinarymagic · 02/07/2020 11:23

@blissfulllife gosh yes it must be so confusing to people. Two children in different families - one called Ashley ... one called Ash. brain explodes

bridgetreilly · 02/07/2020 11:25

"Copying" is bad when you're doing homework or sitting an exam.

In normal life, it's a ridiculous thing to assume or care about.

Cadent · 02/07/2020 11:26

No worries @blissfulllife you were very gracious in your response!