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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Rainbowbagel · 02/07/2020 00:34

*unique

Cramitmaam · 02/07/2020 00:36

I can understand you feeling irritated by this, but I would keep that to yourself. You don't own a name. If I really liked a name I wouldn't not use it just because I happened to know someone else who had. Life is too short for that.

strugglingwithdeciding · 02/07/2020 00:39

As others would say no one owns a name and it may of been one she had always liked
Anyway you have it first so likely people will think shes copied you or you have great choice in names
I wouldnt let it worry you

MsEllany · 02/07/2020 00:41

I never understand these threads. Why does it matter if a child in another family has the same name as yours? Can’t you take it as a compliment?

SD1978 · 02/07/2020 00:44

How often do you see them? Will the kids be in the same school, or just same school year? She had said at the time it was a name she also liked. If you are not seeing each other on a daily basis I don't see the issue

aNiceBigCupOfFuCoffee · 02/07/2020 00:46

It's not important in the grand scheme of things but had to admit I did breathe a sigh of relief when my DH's best friend's baby was born and they hadn't used the name we'd picked out for our baby due 3 months later (we chose the name a long time before her conception though, it has meaning to us as a couple). We do basically live next to each other though and they will end up in the same school and probably the same class due to the size of said school. Even though we loved the name and I can't imagine her being called anything else now, if they'd have used it we would have found something else as we wouldn't have wanted to look like we copied them - and because they are going to grow up basically as cousins, we didn't particularly want the confusion. I guess I'd say its not unreasonable to be bothered by it a little but its not something I would lose sleep over! Flowers

SkiingIsHeaven · 02/07/2020 00:59

Take it as a compliment. You obviously have good taste in names.

MindyStClaire · 02/07/2020 04:53

I think it depends on both the name and how close you are. I have a few very close friends whose children's names I would never use, same as I would never use names of nieces and nephews. This: If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. makes it sound like you're part of a big circle of friends. When you get to the stage of big groups having babies you simply can't rule out every name because it leaves you with next to nothing. Especially since it's likely you'll have similar taste in names as lots of your friends.

groovergirl · 02/07/2020 05:37

Take it as a compliment. You obviously have good taste in names.

This. No one owns a name. Look back in history, when lots of girls were named Mary, Anne and Elizabeth. In my age group it's Catherine, Michelle, Emma and Amanda. They're all distinct people with lovely names.

Just roll with it; no one will mix up your girls.

midnightstar66 · 02/07/2020 06:58

My mums best friend called her dd the same name as me 2 years after. My mum was honoured that she likes her choice enough to use it herself and as I got older I loved having a friend named after me and she loved having an older namesake buddy, even more so when she came to my school for a short time. My only real reservation is that it's a really shit name that 2 of us have now been saddled with 😆. I really don't understand the possessiveness over names at all.

Flittingabout · 02/07/2020 07:02

Morning OP.

I think if it was a best friend from childhood I would be upset because they would have known since we dreamily talked about it over the years. Anyone else or newer to my life it wouldn't bother me, especially because friends come and go in a lifetime and not all are close or lasting....imagine not doing something important to you for the sake of pleasing someone you're not even friends with a couple of years later.

Wecandothis99 · 02/07/2020 07:04

If it's after I wouldn't care a bit because your child is the trend setter in the group. If they knew your name and did it before (like were pregnant when you told them what you wanted or something) then I would be pissed

Wecandothis99 · 02/07/2020 07:05

Also I've had my girls name for so long as it's in the family so if a good friend used it in the interim then I probably still would because I've wanted it since I was a little girl as a relative I really loved was named this. So could it be in the family?

Shosha1 · 02/07/2020 07:06

60 odd years ago, my parents decided to call my brother X, at the time they were living in a different country to my maternal Uncle and his wife. Both due babies around the same time. Obviously no idea what each were having, and no mention of names.
Both boys were born on the same day. Both called the same first and middle name, different surnames.
It was never a problem.
One was known as Maggie's X, the other as William's X, within the family.

ClaryFray · 02/07/2020 07:13

Yabu.

You. Don't. Own. A. Name.

Get a grip

FreshHorizons · 02/07/2020 07:13

I can’t see the problem. It is a shame that she is expected to give up her choice just because you had a baby first. They are unlikely to be spending a lifetime together so it will seem a bit odd in 40 yrs time if your friend’s daughter says ‘ I would have been called x but my mother’s friend of the time had used it!

FreshHorizons · 02/07/2020 07:14

It always makes me laugh when someone thinks they have chosen an uncommon name and then they get another in the same class at school! That happens a lot.

Etinox · 02/07/2020 07:19

@midnightstar66

My mums best friend called her dd the same name as me 2 years after. My mum was honoured that she likes her choice enough to use it herself and as I got older I loved having a friend named after me and she loved having an older namesake buddy, even more so when she came to my school for a short time. My only real reservation is that it's a really shit name that 2 of us have now been saddled with 😆. I really don't understand the possessiveness over names at all.
Grin
FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 02/07/2020 07:22

Simon gives me the willies 😖 I think the actor is a bit of a plonker irl and 'fame' has gone to his head.

PurBal · 02/07/2020 07:23

YABU. It's a name. Your daughter doesn't own it. But I do empathise and understand why it's emotive for you.

Sooobooored · 02/07/2020 07:25

Even though you think it’s unusual, it might be the latest up and coming name. I remember the first friends using Oliver and Amelia. Within a year or two they were everywhere and are still popular 15 years on.

crossstitchingnana · 02/07/2020 07:30

I think it is off behaviour to name a child the same as a friend's. I wouldn't do it, even if I had wanted the name forever(my dd1 was named after my favourite tv show from when I was little.) But. We can't control what others do. We can say how we feel about it, then it's their decision. I know people who have fallen out over this very issue.

HalloBrian · 02/07/2020 07:30

Since childhood, I always wanted to have a daughter called Elsa because of the lioness in Born Free. And I wanted her middle name to be Anna after my friend who sadly passed away.

Then bloody Frozen came out and ruined that name combination completely. Had to choose a different first name. It was fine.

crossstitchingnana · 02/07/2020 07:33

I chose Amelia as I thought it was an unusual, "older" name as was fashionable at the time. Two weeks later, at a baby group there were another three there. That was 18 years ago, just before it took off as a name. Tbh I was gutted at the time and her older sister has a much less common name. Always felt a little off about it.

ittakes2 · 02/07/2020 07:34

With all due respect you can not tell the future. Her child is going do carry that name for the rest of her life - but you have no idea how long this woman is going to stay in your friendship group with you. I personally would find it odd if she is close friends with you - but maybe she didn’t want to look back and say I really loved the name X but settled for my 2nd best choice because I didn’t want to offend a friend at the time.

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