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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Mushypeasandchipstogo · 01/07/2020 23:01

YABU as others have already stated you don’t own a name!

buckeejit · 01/07/2020 23:03

Yabu. Just because you git pg first doesn't mean she shouldn't use the name she wants

bridgetreilly · 01/07/2020 23:03

The specialness of your child is your child, not her name.

THIS.

NameChange84 · 01/07/2020 23:04

Some people fall in love with a name years in advance and just know it’s what they will call their own child one day. It’s not really fair that, just because of the way fate works out, they should miss out on the name they set their heart on just because they didn’t get pregnant first. She shouldn’t need to apologise or act awkwardly either. She owes you nothing. No one owns a name. She loves it...don’t harbour animosity towards a friend because you both fell in love with the same name.

GreenTulips · 01/07/2020 23:08

No one wants their child known as OPs Isabell or Janes Isabel or redhead Isabel

It takes away the uniqueness of the child whatever their name common or not.

NotPayingAttention · 01/07/2020 23:08

I think its weird, yeah. Depending on how unusual a name it is as well, and how close friends you are. I'd be uncomfortable. It defo goes against some unnamed social rule, doesn't it? Not a lot you can do, other than say something at the time she told you, or at least I think I'd have given her a strong side-eye!
Had a not massively close friend ask my permission to use our child's name when she was already about 5, I was flattered, but somehow slightly weirded out. I've really no right but there you have it!

BonnyWeeOne · 01/07/2020 23:08

At least you got there first! In your mutual circle everyone is going to think it's a bit off and she'll come off the worst. She's also kind of tarred her own DD with it - two kids with unusual names in the same class. Known to each other. The younger is going to come off worse.

Twillow · 01/07/2020 23:09

You don't own the name.
You don't know how long she loved the name for, before you had your daughter.
Theyre not in the same year group.
It's fine.
Don't fall out over it.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/07/2020 23:09

I think Yanbu a litle bit.

Told childhood friend we liked a name, she told me I couldn't use it because she'd ways wanted it. Was a bit peeved but didn't say much to her but it did def out me off the name. She's now expecting a baby and that name will be it's middle name so i could have used it, but I wouldn't have wanted us to have kids with the same name

Thisismytimetoshine · 01/07/2020 23:09

She's also kind of tarred her own DD with it - two kids with unusual names in the same class. Known to each other. The younger is going to come off worse.
What in earth does this mean?!

ErickBroch · 01/07/2020 23:10

Sounds like you chose a name she had always loved - not that you would have known that. But she shouldn't have to not name her baby that because you 'got there first' - if my friend group had 2 kids with the same name I can confirm I 100% would not give a shit

SleepingStandingUp · 01/07/2020 23:11

@BonnyWeeOne

At least you got there first! In your mutual circle everyone is going to think it's a bit off and she'll come off the worst. She's also kind of tarred her own DD with it - two kids with unusual names in the same class. Known to each other. The younger is going to come off worse.
Eh?
Thisismytimetoshine · 01/07/2020 23:12

@SleepingStandingUp

I think Yanbu a litle bit.

Told childhood friend we liked a name, she told me I couldn't use it because she'd ways wanted it. Was a bit peeved but didn't say much to her but it did def out me off the name. She's now expecting a baby and that name will be it's middle name so i could have used it, but I wouldn't have wanted us to have kids with the same name

So you didn't use it, and then... she didn't either. Bit silly to give it the headspace you did, then.
netstaller · 01/07/2020 23:14

YABU - You don't own the name, you simply had the baby first. She has as much right as you to call the baby whatever she likes.

DamnYankee · 01/07/2020 23:14

I understand your annoyance.
But use the name. A friend of mine gave birth two months before me and named her DD "my" name (granted, we did not discuss it), so I didn't use it for mine - for the reasons you stated.
They moved away when the girls were six months old.
I still kick myself from time to time. DD has a lovely name, but sometimes I regret not using "my" name.

TheVanguardSix · 01/07/2020 23:16

Yeah, it's weird. YANBU

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 01/07/2020 23:17

"No one wants their child known as OPs Isabell or Janes Isabel or redhead Isabel

It takes away the uniqueness of the child whatever their name common or not."

That's just nonsense. There were 6 Toms in DDs primary class. Each an individual. No child is diminished by sharing a name. This is the kind of shite only very PFB parents give a moment's thought to. Nearly everyone will meet or work or study with someone who has the same name.

Poetryinaction · 01/07/2020 23:17

I love it when other people use my baby names. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

BonnyWeeOne · 01/07/2020 23:18

Same class. Two little Wilhelminas or whatever. It's known that their mums are friends. Kids are going to pick on the younger one for being a copycat or some such. It's not quite the same as having two Emily's/Katie's/Hannah's or toms/George/Jakes is it? Kids can be shits. They pick on the different kids, no matter what you do.

breakfastclubb · 01/07/2020 23:19

YABU. When she said she had always loved it, that was surely a hint she wanted to use it.

Suzie6789 · 01/07/2020 23:20

I completely get that ‘no one owns a name etc etc,’, but it doesn’t sit right with me, and it’s a bit weird, there’s thousands of names to chose from.

Ishihtzuknot · 01/07/2020 23:23

She might have loved this name for years and didn’t want to sour the friendship by mentioning it when you had your child. This happened to me. My best friend asked me names I’d plan to use so she wouldn’t use them, but she decided to use the name that had a lot of sentimental meaning to me and she knew I would use it. I’m still resentful now. I would still use the name despite said friend having a son with the name as it’ll be my baby. It’s ok to be upset by it but it’s better to just let it go and not make a big deal out of it, everyone will know you used the name first anyway.

Splattherat · 01/07/2020 23:23

I have gone for Yabu but you are both being unreasonable. No one has Exclusive rights on a name get over yourself.

Similarly if you are so close I can’t understand why she hasn’t mentioned it to you knowing how precious you are etc.

It would be hilarious if another child or even better two unbeknown to either of you also had the same christian name as your DD.

Names usually go through phases when my younger sister was born my mum said if its a girl I could pick the name. I was only 8 and I picked a name I liked the sound of goodness knows where I got it from (probably tv) as we didn’t know any other people in RL with that christian name but when she went to secondary she had a biggish group of friends and four of them had the same christian name as her.

Thisismytimetoshine · 01/07/2020 23:24

@BonnyWeeOne

Same class. Two little Wilhelminas or whatever. It's known that their mums are friends. Kids are going to pick on the younger one for being a copycat or some such. It's not quite the same as having two Emily's/Katie's/Hannah's or toms/George/Jakes is it? Kids can be shits. They pick on the different kids, no matter what you do.
This is complete nonsense. Even if they end up in the same class, which is hardly a given.
3cats · 01/07/2020 23:27

A mum I know well had a baby boy and when I asked her the name, she had called him the same name as my son. I just smiled and said great name and that was it. She moved away about a year after anyway. Loads of kids have the same name at school, even close friends. It really doesn't matter and sometimes it makes the kids feel bonded together.

Plus, there is nothing you can do about it, so you may as well just get over it. 🤷‍♀️

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