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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

416 replies

OohAHzeah · 01/07/2020 21:38

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

OP posts:
Delbelleber · 01/07/2020 22:35

I have an unusual name and as a child I would have been delighted to find someone with the same name as me. I was always sick of repeating my name to people who had never heard of it before!

Peasbewithyou · 01/07/2020 22:35

I think it’s a bit odd that she didn’t say anything to you!

It’s not quite the same but when I was 39 weeks pregnant a friend had her son and announced he would be called the same name I had picked out for my baby! So I texted her and said congrats and warned her that I would (all being well) be making a very similar announcement - and reassured her that the name had been a favourite for a long time. Of course she was fine and now it’s cute that they are the same name.

You don’t have dibs on a name but if you are close then I would expect her to have told you that she was going to use it and explain why (it could be she has always loved it or it has a family connection or whatever).

thewisp · 01/07/2020 22:36

If it's the name she's always loved, I think it's ok to use it too. Sorry.

Certainly doesn't make her a cow, how bizarre.

withgraceinmyheart · 01/07/2020 22:38

Yabu,

I would be upset too! I'd be gutted if any of my close friends used one of my kids names. I think it feels like exactly what other posters have said, that they don't expect you to still be friends in 5 years so what does it matter. It implies you aren't that close.

Of course you don't own a name, but it's still a weird thing to do. Yes it's super annoying when someone close to you picks a name first, but there are plenty of names out there to choose from!

Leflic · 01/07/2020 22:38

Obviously no one owns the name. I don’t see how that makes it less annoying if you pick the name because it’s uncommon and someone else in your social circle uses it. Especially if they don’t see why that could be annoying.
I would be telling the friend how rubbish Bluebell was at sleeping, her terrible reflux and explosive nappies. Do a Darren Brown on her so she associates the name with “ difficult”!

cakeandchampagne · 01/07/2020 22:41

Nobody owns a name.
(And if you’re thinking that way, I wonder who you “stole” it from.)

Gogogadgetarms · 01/07/2020 22:42

I wouldn’t do this myself. I have a close friend who used a really similar name to my DD and her name is unusual. It still annoys me. I know it’s not rationale but it does. I can’t help it.
At least your friend gave you a heads up. Mine just announced it. Someone in my friendship group asked me afterwards if she had mentioned it to me first so I wasn’t the only one who found it wierd.

Saoirse7 · 01/07/2020 22:44

I have this from the other side. We have had a name picked for over 10 years, it is a variation of a family name. Not that common but not at all unusual. A friend used it a couple of years ago - they weren't aware we liked it.

When (if) the time comes we will be using the name. I don't care what they think to be perfectly honest. In my opinion, it is very unlikely anyone 'steals' a name, they probably (like us) had it picked before you announced it and are giving you a heads up ad they know it's the same. I get that you feel the 'specialness' of it has been taken away. However, that's exactly how I felt when our name planned name was used.

No one owns a name, nor should they think they have ownership of it just because their child happened to be born first.

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 01/07/2020 22:45

I think YANBU. I know that people say that imitation is a type of flattery however I would find it odd.
However you need to decide how yoh handle it. I am guessing the friendship is important to you and so you will have to take the view of those on here who think it's not a problem. Your daughter is previous for who SHE is and you will bring her up to have great qualities including being resistant and strong and kind.
Choose which battles you want to fight. This one is probably not one of them.

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 01/07/2020 22:46

*precious

LouiseTrees · 01/07/2020 22:46

@ShebaShimmyShake

I can see why you'd be miffed but if she loved the name too, I can't see any reason why she shouldn't also be able to use it. Are the girls likely to be in close contact their whole lives?

Some people have their hearts set on a name and just love it. You can't say they shouldn't use it because you conceived first.

This. She may have been struggling to conceive and so annoyed that you stole her name by conceiving first.
ViciousJackdaw · 01/07/2020 22:49

For crying out loud, how the hell can it be special and youneek? If you had the name in mind then you must have heard it somewhere - meaning there is at least one other person with this name and more realistically, thousands. Is your DD not special enough anyway, regardless of what her name is?

thriftyhen · 01/07/2020 22:49

It wouldn't bother me if it were a friend choosing the same name. I wouldn't want to have the same name if it were within the same family, ie the children were cousins, unless the children had diminutives of the same name, IYSWIM!

KnobblyWand · 01/07/2020 22:49

A friend of mine did this, pretty unusual name. We aren't super close, she didn't tell me and I only found out once her baby was born.

It's fine. Nobody owns a name. I told her she had good taste, and said congrats.

The only time it's a problem is when they're in the same room and one of us calls their name and they both turn around Grin

hulahooper2 · 01/07/2020 22:50

I don’t see any problem with , my daughter has a girls name she loves picked out , hoping she will have a girl one day , if any of her friends use it before her do you really think sibu to still use it?

LellyMcKelly · 01/07/2020 22:51

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, unless I’d made the name up and it was a mix of mine and my husband’s name, like Stevemary. Then I’d think it was a bit odd.

LellyMcKelly · 01/07/2020 22:52

Actually, now I thing about it, Stevemary is an epic name.

bridgetreilly · 01/07/2020 22:52

Get over yourself. It's not your name. She told you she liked it. She's perfectly entitled to use it and she doesn't owe you any apology or explanation. And neither child will ever care.

iano · 01/07/2020 22:54

This wouldn't bother me in the slightest. In fact a friend had a little boy with the same name as DS1 10 months after I gave birth. I was pleased she liked the name.
I think your DH has a point.

namechangetheworld · 01/07/2020 22:55

YABU. I have a cousin with the same name, and there were three of us with the same name in our form at Secondary school. It hasn't affected my life one iota.

Toothsil · 01/07/2020 22:55

She shouldn't have to give up the name she's always liked just because you got there first. I don't see why it's always such a big deal, nobody owns a name.

MrsP2015 · 01/07/2020 22:57

I'd be pissed off.

Toothsil · 01/07/2020 22:57

@LellyMcKelly exactly what I was thinking. I knew a girl called Laurieanne - her parents were Larry and Anne - and I was just thinking if it was something like that, then yes, I'd be pissed off. But not a run of the mill name.

Oliversmumsarmy · 01/07/2020 22:59

What happens if you get your dd to school or nursery and find someone else’s child has the same name?

BonnyWeeOne · 01/07/2020 23:00

I can't believe the amount of people saying you're being unreasonable! Yeah, in day to day life you'll always meet someone with the same name as you - no biggie.
But not your best friends children. That were born within a year of you. That's weird. Almost clingy weird! Especially as it's clearly not another Emily or Olivia or some other top 100 name. That's shitty.

Op, I don't think I'd feel the same way about your friend from here on in. It's all just a bit weird and unnecessary.

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