Friend choosing same baby name less than a year later

[OohAHzeah]

I know she didn't look at my dd and decide to copy us exactly. When I announced dd name she said congrats and that she had always loved it herself. I didnt think much more and then she became pregnant.

Her baby is due soon and in the same school year as mine. She just announced today she will probably use dd name (!!) She didn't even make a joke like "hope that's not too weird!" She just stated it like fact and said she quite liked it.

Dd name is quite unusual btw. It's not typical Evie/Evelyn.

I get she may have loved this name secretly just as I did, but to really use it when I just have? If we had no friends in common it might be nice, but we have so many friends in common. Our whole school group and some uni too. Just made me feel a bit rubbish. Dh thinks I'm being silly, but he's not that close to her. I just feel like she's taking away the 'special-ness' of her name. Either that or she thinks we won't see much of each other. I love this name so much but if she'd used it first, I wouldn't have out or respect! But then is that just me being the fool?

I know I cant do anything about it.

But it's a bit weird?

YABU: Totally normal to have same name as friend if you liked it

YANBU: It's a bit weird to purposely use the same one

Same class. Two little Wilhelminas or whatever. It's known that their mums are friends. Kids are going to pick on the younger one for being a copycat or some such.

This is literally never going to happen.

First, kids don't know or care whose mums are friends with who.
Second, they don't spend all their time working out who is older or younger.
Third, they don't think about the time before they were born and which mother chose which name first.
Fourth, sharing a name is a really, really normal thing and no one ever gets teased for it. No one thinks that a child with the same name is copying another one.

This is absolutely bonkers imaginary nonsense.

YABU. Nobody owns a name. It’s not a big deal. Your daughter is more than her name.

@Extraordinarymagic - childish? The OP has stated that it's an unusual name & I find it odd that a friend would use it especially so soon afterwards. I don't think that makes me 'childish' - strange choice of word. I think you'll find I'm not alone.

@MinnieJackson

There were two girls with the same name in our friendship group. Say the name was 'Alice'. Alice and I walked into the pub one night to meet our friends and walked into the conversation at the complete wrong moment as a guy was asking 'do you mean thin Alice or fat Alice' It was awful!

But that's cos he's a dick. He could have used anything to differentiate. Or she might have said not Jenny, Alice and he still might have asked "is she the fat one"

@luckylavender but WHY is it odd? What is odd about two people liking the same name and naming their child that name. There’s nothing odd about it. Unless you think that when one person calls their child a name their friend isn’t allowed to or shouldn’t use that name as one person called their child it ‘first’ -which in my opinion is childish.

@StCharlotte

Mumsnet the year I was born:

AIBU to be pissed off that my seven best friends have also called their DD's Sandra?

Ha ha and me!

This is the downside of everyone trying to choose unusual names (why?)

For those concerned about sole ownership of a name, can i suggest you call dc 'evie™️ or evie®️' that should stop anyone copying.

My name is one of the really common 80s names - there were always multiple people at school, uni, work with the same name. It has never bothered me. Your child won’t care so I think you need to get over it.

On a funny note, this sort of happened to my younger brother.

My dad named him something ridiculously unique, like I’m sure it’s made up, never met another, everyone asks me to repeat it several times once said..

Six months after he was born an extremely famous musician named there child the same name, my dad was - still is livid.

My brother always gets ‘oh like so and so’s kid’, looks like my dad copied, terribly embarrassing!

@Extraordinarymagic - it's a question of etiquette really. Unless it's a family name.

@Rainbowbagel

On a funny note, this sort of happened to my younger brother.

My dad named him something ridiculously unique, like I’m sure it’s made up, never met another, everyone asks me to repeat it several times once said..

Six months after he was born an extremely famous musician named there child the same name, my dad was - still is livid.

My brother always gets ‘oh like so and so’s kid’, looks like my dad copied, terribly embarrassing!

Is you brother called Moon Unit?

@luckylavender so you believe that if a person loves a name and has chosen it for their child along with their partner that if someone they know has a child first then ‘etiquette’ says they must give up on their favourite chosen name? Oh but if it’s a family name they can what? Go prostrate themselves in front of their friends and say oh I’m so sorry I know I’m not ‘allowed’ to use my favourite name as you used it ‘first’ but it’s a family name so I really want to use my favourite name..

I’ve never heard such rubbish.

Ridiculous. I will be calling my baby what my DH and I want to, could care less what my friends children are called if I’m honest. Seeing as I will be with my own child every day.

But the fact that the vast majority of posters are telling the OP YABU must surely tell you that there's no actual 'etiquette' involved, it's just that some people have a bee in the bonnet about this.

Sorry op but it’s tough shit I’m afraid!

Also ‘unusual’ names are becoming more common these days, names such as Clementine, Ophelia etc are on the rise.

I’m afraid you’ll just have to suck it up.

My nan’s brother called his daughter the same name as my auntie

@Extraordinarymagic - yes that is my opinion & what I have experienced with family friends & colleagues & there is no need for you to be so rude.

When I was in my last year at school there were 5 of us with the same name out of a class of 18 girls. As one of those girls it really didn't bother me.

Obviously it was very popular around the time I was born.

use my baby names. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

Unless you made it up, it isn’t your baby name. They probably aren’t imitating you.

Hmm yes we had a friend who called her DD the same name as ours. I was a bit precious about it at the time and thought it was mad - we are part of the same extended group of friends as well and the two distinctive names really stand out. However each to their own (I was less sanguine about it at the time!). I later found out from the mum that actually she did use ‘our’ name - she loved it so much and couldn’t think of anything she liked more. My now teenage DD likes the fact there is a younger version of ‘her name’ going through the series of infant/junior/secondary schools- they are the only two.

My parents’ friend’s daughter, younger than me by 2-3 years, has the same name as me. I was called Big L, she was little L. My sister was named after a family friend. She was called Little (Name). Only when the other person was around. I don’t see the problem.

Actually, in a lot of cultures, it's actually expected that names pass from one generation to the next. It's what happens in Eastern Europe; my F was Czech and that's what happened in his family. And in Ireland, they don't seem to have much problem differentiating between all the girls named Mary, do they?

I'm well aware I don't own the name. All I was saying is that I found it a bit odd. For those who think they need to shout at me are you genuinely telling me you wouldn't raise an eyebrow?

A group of 5 very close knit friends who have known each other for 15 years. We regularly message and zoom and meet up throughout the year (pre Corona times). We are all starting to have kids. I had no idea she liked this name, so for those who didnt properly read my post, in no way did I 'steal it from her.'

No I don't intend to lose a friendship over it, which is why I did a mini mumsnet rant. I except we will continue meeting up for many more years. I just found it odd how our two dd might have the exact same name (and it's quite short so no easy different nicknames). I love the name to death and I would've been gutted if she'd had a baby first and chosen it, but I know if that had been the case I awould've chosen my second or third best name instead. Maybe I'm a bit put out because I know I would've done that. For example I quite like my other friend's DS name but I even said to my husband how I would never choose that if we'd had a boy as that was her DS name! And that's a way more common name.

But apparently I'm really unreasonable?

I had a colleague and friend who named her baby Isabel long ago, before it was a popular name. Several years later, still before the name was popular, I wanted to call my dd Isabella. I just couldn't do it, though it is dd's middle name. But I deeply regret not making it her first name, even now when it is so popular. I don't know what my friend would have thought, but if it had bothered her (vanishingly unlikely, I realise that now) I would still have used the name if I had my time again.

I'm afraid I voted yabu. The name does not belong to you. She has as much right as anyone to use whatever name you used, whether because you used it, or despite you using it.

Well, you posted asking if you were being unreasonable so you needed to be prepared for the possibility of people saying yes. You may have given up your beloved name in this situation but you wouldn't have been obliged to; you can't really berate her for making a different choice to you, especially since you don't actually know what you would have done since you weren't in her situation.

You need to let it go. Nobody else will think anything of it.