I just got bad feedback - help me feel better?

[sadannie]

Not an AIBU but posting for traffic (sorry) - also NC.

I moved into a consulting job in September. The company is very tough with its hiring and mainly hires privately educated Oxbridge grads. I am a pupil premium BAME, one of the only women in the department, but qualified in the profession at another huge firm. I was brought in as experienced hire.

The field is entirely different to what I'm used to, however they know this as they specifically hire from my firm in my department for our different skills. I went through a rigorous process to get the job and I really enjoy it. Although, I often feel like an intruder and have very little confidence in my ability.

I worked on a project which was thoroughly challenging but we got it done well. I just had my feedback session and he said how I'm excellent in many ways but then commented on my improvements. The thing I need to improve is the knowledge gap between the two jobs... the same as every other experienced hire. However, he is taking the feedback form very literally where others wouldn't and is going to give me a rating that sounds fair but will stop me getting promoted (you get promoted every year and it's a shock if you don't, usually the person will leave) - he has said he doesn't want it to stop me getting promoted and will add a comment to say it shouldn't. I've argued that it would make more sense to give me the rating that ensures I do still get promoted but to put a comment that says I have XYZ to work on. He won't do that.

I'm very upset. I have excellent feedback in other projects but it doesn't really matter when considering this... I have GAD and OCD and will obsess over this and it is a further blow to my already dwindling confidence.

Does any one have any advice?

I think people need to remember that the op is not screaming discrimination, what she’s saying is the performance rating is accurate, but because of the seniority of the person who did the appraisal, he interprets it differently to others, and as such he’s ranked her at effectively “not meeting expectations” when the more junior person who would normally have done it would not have and would have said she was meeting expectations.

However he’s also stated he will comment that it should not prevent her progression to the next level, which she obviously thinks there is a high chance it might.

I get the op keeps talking about her ethnicity gender and schooling but she is also saying she’s only mentioning it because she feels she doesn’t fit in. She has stopped short of saying she’s being discriminated against, although the implication is clear.

OP, I have experience of sexism (not of discrimination based on race/ethnicity) though exactly the same type of mechanism- promotion all looks fair and above board, criteria published but then they are generously applied to white males and very stringently applied to females. I applied for promotion and was denied on a technicality which everyone agreed was ridiculous, whilst male colleagues of mine strolled through without the basic criteria that HR was adamant we had to have. We now keep a spreadsheet of whether people meet the criteria to use to back female colleagues that are 'legitimately' denied promotion. It's all about no leeway being given, being harsher on some groups than others, but then giving Jonty, the white guy you go for a drink with, the benefit of the doubt- because he's 'one of us'. I wouldn't have believed it as I was brought up to believe in equality for women and it's a very subtle system that is hard to challenge. I know it exists though, we have documentary evidence of unequally applied criteria and colleagues who have challenged HR, and so now they have started applying the criteria more stringently to everyone.

There is lots of evidence that in academia, to get hired, BAME academics and/or females, need more papers in higher rated journals to get the same position. Women are more likely to be rated lower for lecturing ability even when the course is delivered online and not face-to-face and all they know is the lecturer's name (male or female). This is NOT in our heads!

As to what I did, when denied promotion when my colleague who did not meet the criteria strolled through, I sucked it up and worked twice as hard and met the criteria next time, because I don't want these ignoramuses to deny my career, or to deny me my salary increases. I am now promoted, but the experienced of hitting your head on that glass ceiling isn't very nice at all. It's very subtle and when it all hinges on downgrading your abilities, it's very easy to believe it is really you and not them. Keep calm, talk to your mentor and ask how many other people in the group of 115 have received the same grade. Look especially at the ratings of the women, are they disproportionately 'fair'? Ask what you can do to absolutely secure this next time around and don't let this stop you having the career and life you deserve.

I was hired by a company like the OPs and my team's role was to review every single one of their promotion and hiring decisions in one particular dept and challenge where appropriate.

In one year we doubled the number of women promoted and increased BAME representation in senior mgt by 6% just by questioning decisions - you've written the exact same feedback for person y and person z but only recommended person y (who happens to be a white man) for promotion, can you explain that?

You've declined hiring this woman and said there was a language barrier in your feedback. I called her and her English is flawless, can you explain? He admitted he found her name hard to pronounce which he thought might be off putting to clients.

Anyway. I left after 18 months because it was too depressing. We started getting push back from other depts and they cut my budget. But once you've seen people behave like this you can't unsee it.

I'm not suggesting the OP accuse anyone of racism but I AM saying that these decisions rarely stand up under proper scrutiny.

OP,

Your frustration and disappointment is palpable.

I cannot imagine how hard you have worked to achieve what you have.

This thread is very cold comfort and wilfully obtuse at times.

@Waffles80
Exactly.

I have no advice for you, but I believe too that he most likely knows EXACTLY what he is doing, and the positive remarks are simply covering his arse.

Constructive dismissal came to my mind too.

I hope your session goes well with your coach.

I agree that some posters do seem to be being wilfully obtuse. OP says that her feedback is fair, but she also says that colleagues with the same feedback (about gaps) would get a mark that qualified them for promotion but she got a lower mark. It's right at least to question whether the fact that she doesn't fit the company's usual hiring profile might have played a part in that. Let's hope her coach can advise on what to do next.

The promotions are standard until the top level, so every year someone moves up. For example the manager is at the top and 30, he isn't a partner though. To be a partner is the difficult and consuming part that takes the time.

The scales are similar to trainee 1, trainee 2, trainee 3, trainee 4, senior trainee 1 and so on...

@vodsfordinner that's the point - the part I have the experience in I was rated excellent, the part I don't have the experience in which is normal he gave me a number grade which doesn't correlate.

I haven't been clear. His comments were fair and accurate - they would be for ANY experienced hire. His number grading isn't accurate.

RNBrie we need a full review of hiring and promotion decisions for the same reason in our institution.

There absolutely has been discrimination, but it is very hidden, and if you challenge it, you are seen as at fault or just not good enough. Objectively, though, we have measures of performance that can be used to ensure fairness, so people need to be called to account and the application of those objective measures scrutinized,

It's so subtle, and so easy to turn on yourself and blame yourself for not being good enough and start to believe it, especially if your face didn't quite fit in the first place. Now I am alert to it though, and now the institution knows that they are being watched, they are suddenly promoting lots of women whereas in the past, they would have been 'yes, she's great, but not quite good enough'. Grrrrrr.

And that is exactly why companies like this maintain the status quo @RNBrie. Because they'll tell themselves, it's because the black man simply wasn't up to the job or the woman didn't have the commitment but really it's just promoting and giving opportunities to men who look like you.

I work in a team which is very female dominated but the men have built much stronger relationships with senior people across the business. You know why? Because they go out drinking together. They bond over beer and football and don't invite women. I'm sure it's not malicious but it has an impact.

Everyone's CVs are available on the shared drive - this is necessary for our business as CVS are attached at the end of all project proposals. So yes, I know where people went.

@waffles80 PERFECT YES! Thank you

@RNBrie

Can you ask him what the formal process is for challenging a rating you don't believe to be fair?

I'd phrase it something along the lines of - I respect that you need to stand by the rating you've determined for me, however I'd like to know what the process is if I disagree with how the criteria have been applied to me? Is there a contact in HR I can reach out to? I don't want to make life difficult for either of us, but this rating seems to really impact my future with the company so it's really important to me that I fully understand the ramifications.

My experience is that conversations like this usually result in a renegotiation... generally managers don't want the scrutiny of HR in such matters.

This is good advice. You may piss your manager off but, if you are going to leave anyway (if not promoted), you have nothing to lose.

@ComeBackIntoTheGardenMaud

I agree that some posters do seem to be being wilfully obtuse. OP says that her feedback is fair, but she also says that colleagues with the same feedback (about gaps) would get a mark that qualified them for promotion but she got a lower mark. It's right at least to question whether the fact that she doesn't fit the company's usual hiring profile might have played a part in that. Let's hope her coach can advise on what to do next.

Very few MNetters seem to work in jobs like the OP's. From their comments on HR threads, I suspect most work in the public sector and have no real understanding of highly commercial environments. I say that as someone who has worked in both public and the private sector: the two are worlds apart in workforce/talent management.

I'd seriously doubt the ability of an ex free school meals pupil to find working at say McKinsey bearable. Boils down to the old 'airport test' thing, what could OP possibly have in common with 99% of consultants?

The BAME angle is larely irrelevant. Someone like Rishi Sunal ['BAME' but when it boils down to it from near enough the UK's most prosperous sub-community {background Indian via S/E Africa} and an alumnus of a £40k a year boarding school] would fit in perfectly well. 'White trash' from a Grimsby council estate, rather less so.

The specifics of the promotion issue are one for internal support networks rather than mumsnet.

Whilst I haven’t worked in consulting, I know where the OP is coming from. It’s incredibly hard to come back at some of these large multinationals from anything other than an impeccable performance record - i was threatened with a “did not meet expectations” number for something that was out of my control. Even though I didn’t get it, I elected to leave the company as it would have taken min 5 years plus to get past that.

I suspect, though, that he’s totally aware of the ramifications of what he has done. Most senior managers are.

This sounds really tough and I think it should be discussed further within your department. Do you know if there are calibration meetings? We cannot assign a rating to an individual in our team without getting the agreement of the rest of the management group. Can you also ask how you could have met the required standard within the timescale? How did you differ from your peers? In addition to you providing evidence for your rating they should have evidence as to why you scored lower.

As an update: my coach is discussing with the manager first and then is going to discuss with me.
I think that the decision will be made before there is a discussion with me which sucks but I will have to accept it.

I will let you know!

Totally agree with poster above, the fact that you’ve chosen to post this on a public forum says a lot about your professionalism. I would ask for it to be taken down it’s very identifying.

Op I completely understand your concerns with what’s happening. You obviously feel like your face doesn’t fit and you’re effectively being managed out. I really hope the result of the meeting between your coach and the senior professional is positive for you.

The fact that the OP has chosen to discuss this on a forum shows she's fairly isolated at work, and doesn't have the option of informally sorting this out with the partners down the pub or at golf on the weekend. I agree however, that it could be identifying, and if I were you, OP, I would have it taken down immediately.

@Ihatemyseleffordoingthis

Fucking hell that's terrible. Is this not a form of constructive dismissal?

Who died and made him the decision-maker on your career?

Please get legal advice.

OP whatever you do, do not take this advice. He is decision maker, errr because he is her boss. Someone who cannot decipher this should not give advice. What exactly did your boss say you should have done differently? This detail is key.

Good luck sadannie

MrsNoah - I'm sure it's true that relatively few MNers work in that kind of environment (I don't either) but I know from long experience and observation in my own industry that subtle and not so subtle things can go on, that put non-traditional hires at a disadvantage. That's why I think the advice of the coach is vital here.

It may or may not be the case that MNers on employment threads work in the public sector, but many of those doling out employment "advice" clearly have no knowledge of employment law. But that's another issue (not on this thread so much).

@sadannie
I get exactly what you are saying. The appraisal is true but it isn't consistent with the way they are done. I think the appraiser may be out of touch and the best course of action is to speak to your coach. It sounds like a very specific culture that is hard for outsider to understand the impact of the rating decision but everyone there does.
For those saying the fact the OP is a BAMe woman Who was pupil premium at school is irrelevant I completely disagree. Surely we are all thinking at the moment about privilege and it's implications. She describes herself as a straight A student yet didn't go to oxford or Cambridge. You can bet if she had the same marks and was privately educated at Eton she would have applied to Oxbridge. She doesn't fit the profile of the firm and the old school tie network still exists. It may be unconscious but it seems she is being held to a higher standard than her colleagues