I just got bad feedback - help me feel better?

[sadannie]

Not an AIBU but posting for traffic (sorry) - also NC.

I moved into a consulting job in September. The company is very tough with its hiring and mainly hires privately educated Oxbridge grads. I am a pupil premium BAME, one of the only women in the department, but qualified in the profession at another huge firm. I was brought in as experienced hire.

The field is entirely different to what I'm used to, however they know this as they specifically hire from my firm in my department for our different skills. I went through a rigorous process to get the job and I really enjoy it. Although, I often feel like an intruder and have very little confidence in my ability.

I worked on a project which was thoroughly challenging but we got it done well. I just had my feedback session and he said how I'm excellent in many ways but then commented on my improvements. The thing I need to improve is the knowledge gap between the two jobs... the same as every other experienced hire. However, he is taking the feedback form very literally where others wouldn't and is going to give me a rating that sounds fair but will stop me getting promoted (you get promoted every year and it's a shock if you don't, usually the person will leave) - he has said he doesn't want it to stop me getting promoted and will add a comment to say it shouldn't. I've argued that it would make more sense to give me the rating that ensures I do still get promoted but to put a comment that says I have XYZ to work on. He won't do that.

I'm very upset. I have excellent feedback in other projects but it doesn't really matter when considering this... I have GAD and OCD and will obsess over this and it is a further blow to my already dwindling confidence.


Does any one have any advice?

[QuestionMarkNow]

I would take that as a sign that yur boss doesnt want you there (whatever the reason. But it clearly isn't because you are not good enough at your job)
And I would look for another job.

[Twizbe]

@MaggieAndHopey

Is this a bad time to ask what consulting firms actually do? It always sounds like one of those impressive-sounding but mystifying professions to me. What might a project involve, and how can you tell if it's gone well?

The old saying goes that we steal your watch to tell you the time.

Basically companies hire us to help them with a problem. Being independent means we can get to the root of a problem without having to worry about the politics. Then we come up with solutions.

Depending on your grade, good performance can be a lot about how quickly you turn around good PowerPoint slides

[ArgumentativeAardvaark]

They must have a crazy amount of grades if everyone gets promoted every year. Sounds like a ridiculous amount of bureaucracy and admin. If you were only hired in September and you are performing very well in some respects, would it really be in their interest to have you leave in less than a year’s time? They will have invested significant time and money bringing you on board. It seems rather black and white- up or out. What percentage of people leave each year?

[InvincibleInvisibility]

Love the definition Twizbe, very accurate especially powerpoint! I was a consultant for 8 years. Now in a different company, people are always impressed with the speed I write and make slides pretty 😃😃😃

Im guessing you know the sheep joke?

A sheep farmer is tending his flock when a city slicker rolls up in his BMW, hops out and asks, "Hey, if I tell you exactly how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The farmer nods, so the city slicker opens his laptop, calls up some satellite photos, runs some algorithms, and announces, "You have 1,432 sheep."

Impressed, the farmer says, "You're right. Go ahead and take one." So the city slicker loads one of the animals into the backseat of the car. "Now," says the farmer, "I'll bet all my sheep against your car that I can tell you what you do for a living."

A gaming sort, the city slicker says, "Sure."

"You're a consultant," says the farmer.

"Wow!" says the consultant. "How'd you know?"

"Well," says the farmer, "you come from nowhere even though I never asked you to. You drive a flash car, and wear a smart suit. You told me something I already knew. And you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog."

[Minniee]

I wouldn't threaten him with HR. The current climate is very uncertain.

I think if you think it's fair I would just accept it.

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

@InvincibleInvisibility that's brilliant 😂

I work in the financial sector so often have big 4 consultants telling me what I already know but have no power to change.

Though reading the description of how cut throat and snobby it is has fully stressed me out and left me happy to stick to my comfortable role!

[XEAXii]

You really need to be honest with yourself about whether the feedback is fair and an area of improvement or whether you are getting so wound up about not being promoted you are failing to see an area for improvement. I was in this position with all my colleagues being promoted ahead of me and getting so upset about why it wasn’t me. I had a great mentor who helped me change my perspective and showed me some behaviours that were holding me back. I worked on them and got the promotion 6 months later.

I would suggest you talk it through with your coach and avoid any other reactive moves in the meantime. You don’t know presumably how this person marked your colleagues and it’s easy to feel hard done by. Bad feedback doesn’t mean you’ve failed it can be an opportunity for improvement!

[speakout]

Sounds like a deeply unpleasant working envoronment.
To me it wouldn' be worth it.

I worked in a high pressure arena for several years- rewards were very high, but expectations and targets were very high too.
It was a miserable existence for me. Despite the salary, international travel, expense account, fancy car- I lasted 6 or 7 years. My nerves were shot by the end of it.

I know some people may thrive in environments like that- but not me. I am much happier in the slow lane!!

[DamnYankee]

Has the company been hit hard financially by the pandemic? If so, managers might have been instructed to be a little more judicious and dial back on promotions.

However, he is taking the feedback form very literally where others wouldn't

^ I'm confused by this statement. Feedback forms are meant to be taken literally. For example, if the target was "Communicated effectively with team members," and I was rated 3 out of 5, I'd see that as (literally) sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. I'd check with my teammates (in a friendly way) to clarify. Something to work on. You said yourself the ratings were fair...

Good luck!

[Bluntness100]

It’s interesting op the way you write you basically shrug off the areas for improvement, with the comment everyone in your position has the same issue and focus solely on your promotion. Saying you were excellent elsewhere.

Did you do this in your feedback session? Did you address the knowledge gap and how it’s impacting your performance? How you intend to address it?

If I was your manager and gave you this feedback and you focused primarily on how it would impact your progression and asked me to change it, It would cement my thoughts that maybe you shouldn’t be promoted and I’d dig my heels in. Because you wouldn’t have been listening to what I was telling you. You wouldn’t have been addressing how it impacted your performance and what you needed to do.

So I think much of this comes down to how you took on board your areas for improvement and rhe discussion you took on addressing it during the session.

[1Morewineplease]

It sounds as though you might have an issue but be careful. Be really honest with yourself.

Saying that you were a Pupil Premium child will have absolutely no baring at all. I’ve no own many Pupil Premium children who have gone on to Grammar Schools.

[1Morewineplease]

Oops .. should say, “I have known “

[Glittertwins]

The feedback form would need to be taken literally so that the same measuring stick is used for all. I know the the big 4 used to have a culture of move up or move on but the economic climate is very different and untested now. Everything is being tightened and we have recruitment freezes with large redundancies, promotions are simply no longe available.

[MaybeDoctor]

I suspect that you are reaching the point in your career where promotion ceases to be a time-served/performance-rated lockstep and starts to become more about the qualities that you will eventually need to move into a senior role.

Unfortunately this is also the time when it all becomes a bit more subjective and some people will inevitably move ahead of others. This is an uncomfortable moment, but it happens to everyone. Yes, prejudice can rear its head at this point - especially in a traditional industry - but you also need to take an honest look at the negative feedback and consider what you can do to rectify it.

My advice is to hold your head high, become even better at what you do and sail through the process next year with flying colours.

[MaggieAndHopey]

Thanks @Twizbe and @InvincibleInvisibility ! And I like the sheep joke.

[Binglebong]

Have a chat ti your coach. And tell them you heard a rumour that there's a promotion freeze. Can they confirm? It is entirely possible that they want to reduce the number of promotions but may not necessarily want people to go over this. We live in strange times!

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

You really need to be honest with yourself about whether the feedback is fair and an area of improvement or whether you are getting so wound up about not being promoted you are failing to see an area for improvement

Since you've already said your rating "sounds fair" this was going to be my own suggestion; though it'll sting a bit right now, it would be a shame to throw away the chance of future promotion if your "gaps" can be easily addressed

Unfortunately MN's full of "go to your union / HR / the law" at the least little disappointment, and of course if you have a real grievance it can be the right thing to do. However it's not something I'd recommend without a lot of prior thought, especially in today's climate

[VodselForDinner]

Ah, I wrote a long response and it got lost.

OP, I was asking if you feel like an underdog and if that impacts your confidence and, as a result, your behaviours- ie, how you do things, and not just what you do.

To be honest, if I was your manager, I’d be questioning if you’re ready for a promotion and whether it would be fair on your to give you additional stress and responsibility it would bring, given how you currently manage feedback.

Also, just to say, I don’t agree with the posters saying take it to HR. HR will see if a rating was awarded in a way that’s procedurally fair. They won’t, nor should they, be the ones who rate an employee’s performance. That’s a manager’s job.

You’ve been there for less than a year, maybe use this as an opportunity to get constructive feedback and learn from your manager, instead of throwing toys out of the pram just yet.

[barefootmalbec]

So you acknowledge that you have knowledge gap to close in order to perform your new role with competence, but you still expect to be promoted? That is quite an ask.

I am from a similar background. This is not BAME issue it is a competence issue. Budgets are being slashed everywhere, because clients are closing down projects. To get a promotion in this market you will need to be 100% on top of your game, and you are not. Yet. Work on the knowledge gap, and really commit yourself. It will pay off in the end.

Don't be disheartened.

[Comtesse]

Talk to your coach. Talk to the partner / engagement leader. Charming but persistent is the way to go. Recognise the feedback, recognise the need to respond to the development points, but focus on the impact on progression. My experience is that experienced hires always get stiffed on promotion - join on the right grade, they will always try to lowball you.

[RNBrie]

OP is a woman of colour from a lower socio-economic group than the majority of her colleagues. If there's a piece of research out there that says there is little likelihood of her being discriminated against in a primarily white, male-dominated consulting company, I'd like to read it. My experience of working in those companies is that the racism and sexism is systemic and impenetrable.

This is exactly the sort of feedback that people in minority groups get on a regular basis. You're good but I'm going to downgrade you... Don't worry, I'll still recommend you for promotion....

If you think you're going to have to end up leaving anyway OP, then asking for an objective review of the decision making criteria and how they were applied to you can't hurt.

[Newkitchen123]

Please could you clarify the relevance of pupil premium /BAME /being a woman.
You say the ratings are fair
If they're fair maybe you're not ready for the promotion yet and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
You say that otherwise, the project went really well. So focus on that, take what you can from the feedback and move on

[AnnaBanana333]

I can't get over the entire workforce being promoted yearly. I only worked for one company that had grades and they had eight, ranging from trainee to partner. You must have 20-30??

[willowdeandickson]

I don’t work in consulting, but something similarly corporate that works with consultancies. Anyway, performance reviews/ratings are as much about internal politics as actual performance. If you are working in a cohort of rockstars, sometimes you take the hit and get the average (but not underperforming rating), it’s the curse of bell curve rating systems. If you are on the borderline, if you don’t have an unquantifiable ‘something extra’ that could tip you over to the higher rating then you will get the “does the job” score, as well as your attitude to the feedback.
Does everyone really get high ratings and promoted every time or does it just feel like it?
It could be that yes, your manager is discriminating against you in some way, we can’t tell. Is there a mentor/colleague/etc who you could approach for a second opinion?