I just got bad feedback - help me feel better?

[sadannie]

Not an AIBU but posting for traffic (sorry) - also NC.

I moved into a consulting job in September. The company is very tough with its hiring and mainly hires privately educated Oxbridge grads. I am a pupil premium BAME, one of the only women in the department, but qualified in the profession at another huge firm. I was brought in as experienced hire.

The field is entirely different to what I'm used to, however they know this as they specifically hire from my firm in my department for our different skills. I went through a rigorous process to get the job and I really enjoy it. Although, I often feel like an intruder and have very little confidence in my ability.

I worked on a project which was thoroughly challenging but we got it done well. I just had my feedback session and he said how I'm excellent in many ways but then commented on my improvements. The thing I need to improve is the knowledge gap between the two jobs... the same as every other experienced hire. However, he is taking the feedback form very literally where others wouldn't and is going to give me a rating that sounds fair but will stop me getting promoted (you get promoted every year and it's a shock if you don't, usually the person will leave) - he has said he doesn't want it to stop me getting promoted and will add a comment to say it shouldn't. I've argued that it would make more sense to give me the rating that ensures I do still get promoted but to put a comment that says I have XYZ to work on. He won't do that.

I'm very upset. I have excellent feedback in other projects but it doesn't really matter when considering this... I have GAD and OCD and will obsess over this and it is a further blow to my already dwindling confidence.

Does any one have any advice?

[quote sadannie]@vodselfordinner no I would be upset that I failed the lesson whilst every other Maths teacher in History got promoted despite being there the exact same time...[/quote]
But don’t you have more experience? As an experienced hire (and, I assume, a salary to match) you are expected to contribute more than more recent graduates to show your potential.

Also, the others aren’t a hive mind. Some do better than others, some do worse. It’s not you vs them.

I hate to say it, OP, but it sounds like you have quite the chip on your shoulder, especially when it comes to discussing your colleagues’ education. I find it very hard to believe that your department is made up of over 99% of staff who were privately educated, and impossible to believe that you’ve managed to garner this information in the 10 months since you’ve joined.

I worked in a different industry, but know the tactics well. My advice is to play the long game. Hold your head high, accept that this person sees you need some work, and work on it. They are not sacking you. Don't resign, ride it out and earn respect. Also, re-evaluate your life a bit right now. It's just work, these promotions are just more money. If you are in a position like this, you already have enough to live comfortably. Work solidly, creatively and with enjoyment and avoid politics. You have already gone a long, long way. The Oxbridge types are just as neurotic (more so) and insecure. Not quitting is true strength.

OP, you mentioned he is a good few levels above you and perhaps is a bit out of touch re how promotions based on certain scores go. Have you actually told him that his score will automatically disqualify you from a promotion? He mentioned putting a note on your report to say a promotion would be warranted but maybe just highlight this won't be the case. Is there some info on the intranet which you can use to highlight this to him? Drop him a note with the link to the page and say based on the process, the score you have given will disqualify me for promotion. Based on my excellent feedback in all other areas and the only area needed improvement on is industry based, does he think this is fair? Then it is up to him to correct your score....

@Twizbe

“
The old saying goes that we steal your watch to tell you the time.

Basically companies hire us to help them with a problem. Being independent means we can get to the root of a problem without having to worry about the politics. Then we come up with solutions.”

Or put another way, consultants are paid to tell executives what their own staff have been telling them for years but they failed to hear and act upon.

I’ve been on both sides, so I can say this.

It sounds like the issue is not that his feedback wasn't accurate, but that the rating system is being inconsistently applied, i.e. it is usually applied inaccurately to other people in your exact situation (to their favour).

And I would be very surprised if the reason it's being inconsistently applied isn't something to do with your background. I.e. it's discrimination.

So although they seem to be able to justify themselves in this particular situation, because they are just "following the rules", it is likely to push you out of your job unfairly, which is constructive dismissal.

It reminds me of when some bus drivers stare at the tickets of black passengers for ages, but barely glance at white passengers' tickets. And then if they find an issue with it (sometimes as minor as a child who is clearly young enough to travel half fare not having a proof of age card) they can justify kicking them off the bus, when often they would still let a white passenger on regardless.

They are "just following the rules", but applying them more harshly to members of some groups than others, in a way that amounts to systemic discrimination.

If you are sure the rating is being applied differently to you, then frankly it sounds like racism to me and something to take to HR.

MN is a great place to vent, but you’re doing the right thing taking this to your coach.

I work in a role where I have worked closely with consultants. The company culture for them is utterly alien to most outside - you’ll get a thread with disbelief about the promotion schedule, but the schedule is a fact - whether they find it alien or not.

In this a race / background / gender issue? None of us can say. Is that certainly likely? Sadly, yes.

It tells me what I need to know about the culture there that you know the school background of the 115. I think one poster was a bit surprised at that. Many many years ago I went to first round testing day with a Big4 firm (didn’t get in!). It was graduate scheme, so a particular age group. There was quite a lot of standing around, and I heard people (not at uni) asking what school people were from. I interviewed for Economics at UCL and in the corridor were 17 year old boys in their school uniforms! (many moons back!) I was asked (again, waiting chit chat) which school I was at, and I said - to a look of confusion, as he hadn’t heard of Slough College of Technology (made up!). There are working cultures where all of that matters to people. I have no chip on my shoulder about that interview - I got accepted. Don’t think that not meant anything at all by his question - just conversation. But it is a different world to mine, where people think it’s a valid conversational topic!

Good luck with your coach!

*now at uni

There’s nothing you can do unfortunately. Chalk it up to experience and use it to a) fuel you into doing better as you know you’re judged unfairly b) bide your time until you find another job.

OP, I’ve been in your work situation and I understood what you meant before your updates. Clearly the majority of people on MN who have responded have never worked in your environment. If you’re in a minority group (whether due to race, gender or schooling) you’re unlikely to get support, as demonstrated in this thread. I hope you have some friends who understand x

I think you have grounds to query how the rating ‘meets expectation’ is applied across experienced hires in their first 12 months. Is there guidance given to manager, for example, about how to manage the fact that people are still adjusting at that stage.
This rating process should be fair and transparent, and there should be some kind of process to ensure it is fairly applied.

It sounds to me like he has interpreted ‘meets expectations’ as it applies to a recent Experienced Hire differently to his colleagues and that is unfair. Frankly I suspect you are the victim of some unconscious bias here and he is setting higher standards for you that he would for someone with his own background.

Hope the talk with your coach goes well. My advice would be to work on your ocd and anxiety to stop yourself from obsessing over this. It may or may not be a race or class issue. You’ll probably never know even if you take it to HR and it sounds like he’s still recommended you for promotion. But how can you figure out a way to not let setbacks dominate your life? Or, if you do get that stressed out, is it really the sector for you? I’m not in that world so half of what you’re saying is total gobbledygook to me! However, I’ve had other really stressful jobs and am now looking to change career.

It sounds like a very dog eat dog company. You say your confidence is dwindling, could this be why he held you back?

I mean, you admit that his feedback was fair, and also that you don't have much confidence as you are still bridging the knowledge gap- but you think it's unfair that you arent likely to be promoted? How do you know so much about other people, their attainment, their scores and their backgrounds? You can either try and take it higher up and dispute it, but if you agree with his comments then not sure how the entitlement will go, or ask what support is in place to help put you in a better position next time. Unless you genuinely, hand on heart, feel that it is just because of your background.

Try to remember that you are the same person who the company wanted and hired. He is only one person there. You’ll make your choices from here, and speaking to your coach is good, but whatever you do, don’t doubt your self worth. Its the system thats sick, not you.

Ok this is quite hard to understand, but is it this op?

By promotion you effectively mean progressing, moving up the pay scale and to more complex work?

So you are expected to work at a certain level for a year, then when you’ve met expectations, done the time, and have the experience, you move to the next level with increased pay?

This goes on Until you get to a certain level and are then deemed fully experienced to the final level expected. Then After this point “promotions“ are back to the more normal definition?

To keep moving towards this final “qualification” end point, you’re expected to “meet expectations“ each year as a min.

He has marked you as basically “not meeting expectations“?

This means you cannot progress as intended and would also likely mean it’s very difficult for you to stay as is? Because it’s not really promotion as we normally define it, but more about progression and development?

So an analogy would be doing a degree, you need to pass each year to go on to do the next one, and he’s just told you you failed year two?

It’s very difficult because you admit his comments are fair. I am also unsure why you keep focusing on ethnicity gender and schooling, I don’t believe you know where all 114 people went to school for one moment. You should be able to fit in where ever you work. We are all unique in some way. I’d Also assume quite frankly your uniqueness in that environment is a huge positive for you, because if it’s a big firm like you say they will have diversity targets and you are more likely to have positive discrimination if anything, and be very cautious....if it’s the other way round, you’re better off out of it. But you clearly wish to stay.

I think you need to look at your performance clearly and without emotion. Are you absolutely sure you performance is in line with others in your position ie experienced hires and that you’re being treated differently?

Hi OP

As you’ve probably noticed, many people are saying “suck it up” or “just accept this”. I think they either misunderstand the situation or are just wilfully ignorant. No doubt they’ve not experienced systemic discrimination.

I want to say that I do not think you should accept this.

It’s my understanding that the same criteria has been applied differently to colleagues you have the same knowledge as.

So, you use your teaching analogy:

Colleagues A, B and C are maths teachers now in the history department. All need to develop their knowledge of, say, the Russian revolution.

Only colleague C has been rated poorly for this lack of knowledge, a lack of knowledge that was accepted during the recruitment process due to the obvious other skills in your skill set. Colleagues A and B despite having the same performance and the same knowledge gaps have received a higher numerical rating. That is not fair.

You are right to wonder if your background is a factor; those saying you should ignore that feeling probably don’t have experience of the systemic racism, sexism and classism that’s so prevalent across all institutions in this country, but is known to be particularly appalling in your industry.

I hope it goes well with your coach. It can be incredibly hard to raise such issues - it’s scary to stick your head above the parapet and potentially cause difficulties with your boss. There was a post earlier in the thread that gave some excellent suggestions for wording your challenge.

[quote sadannie]@purplepeopleeaters yes it is important now - at university it was still important. Not having financial support during training is important... being in a culture you don't fit in is very important...[/quote]
Your experience at university was very different to that of my children who went to RG universities yet both had had pupil premium throughout primary and secondary. They never defined themselves by it though and I think that's what made the difference to their experience compared to yours, they went expecting to fit in and belong there and that's precisely what they did. It's a shame you weren't able to do the same.

@purplepeopleeaters you’re being really unreasonable, insensitive and ignorant.

You clearly have no clue whatsoever what it’s like to experience discrimination.

@purplepeopleeaters - the op isn't talking about university, she's talking about consulting culture which is a totally different thing.

OP I really feel for you.

You have been hired because you bring a different skillset and you've been penalised for not having the experience they knew you didn't have when they hired you. And I think unconscious bias is a huge issue. You're a woman, you're BAME and you come from the 'wrong' background. All those things will count against you in the consultancy world. And yet you've done really well, despite them.

I think you've been shafted and I would talk to your mentor and actually I think I would also talk to HR.

So many organisations pay lip service to diversity. They say they want a more diverse workforce, they hire the right people but they don't have the culture or the infrastructure to make sure those hires progress through the business.

This is a very competitive environment, and you need to compete! You may feel some form of tokenism being in a minority and that is understandable, but you are in now, Presumably in a job you want. You have to up your game on your confidence, get rid of your imposter syndrome...and walk into the fire!

It’s dog eat dog, don’t crack at the first setback.

Waffles80 - who even knows whether someone had pupil premium or not to discriminate on that basis. I am mystified that an adult would refer to themselves as that other than the OP does appear to have a chip on her shoulder that other people have had the benefit of a private education. Again at what workplace does everyone know where people went to school unless she has made it her mission to find out.

I accept that as a black woman she will undoubtedly have suffered some form of prejudice or discrimination at some point in her life but has she really suffered it here - we simply do not know.

She says the feedback is accurate and fair.
She merely feels the grade number has not been correctly applied and has not been applied in the way that others providing feedback for her contemporaries would have applied it. She should ask whether there is a procedure to have her appraisal reviewed.

I also work in Consulting and boy it’s a tricky sector

The main flavour is 50 something white men here , and weirdly the older I get the more it bugs me

I think the struggle is ‘would he have given this rating if you were a white
Man’ , is he this tough in everyone or is this just you ?

If he is like this with everyone then all
You can do is suck it up , and get some tangible and measurable targets to address

If it’s the latter , there is a systemic issue and you need to decide if it’s time to tackle or cut losses and leave

The BLM movement has encouraged a wider range of diverse conversation at my
Place but day to day ..... it’s hard

But , I’m getting paid , I can pay my
Mortgage

I’m not saying we should suck everything up
But A long game sometimes is better

@Clymene and waffles80 thank god you both are speaking sense on this thread. It's quite frightening how wilfully ignorant people are being about the presence of systemic discrimination in traditional male dominated industries.

Why did you mention you are BAME in your OP? You think this is the reason as opposed to something else ? What was the issue that he discussed with you ?