Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

£3.50 isnt bad for postage. I would do that rather than go into town and maybe not even find something i want or like
. The cheapest return bus fare using a solo traveller ticker here is £4:90 so its a false economy to go into town for clothes

Ignore it. She'll confuse it out when she starts earning the money herself.

Figure* not confuse

Is it just me, or £85 a month on clothes is really not that much (ignoring the fact that the amount doesn't cover just clothes anyway).
I spend a lot more than that on my 5 year old!

I don't spend money every single month for the sake of it but when you add up through a year and divide by 12... A simple pair of school shoes is at least £45, and they need 5 sets of school uniforms, non-uniform clothes, shoes, wellies, winter boots, sandals, sports kit of various description...
Even if most of the stuff is from Primark and H&M, £1000 a year is really not that much.

The bill goes up massively when they start secondary here as the uniforms cost an absolute fortune (state school), and by the time you by a decent winter coat and everything.

There's a competitive poverty always amusing on MN, but unless you can live off end-me-down because you have friends and family who do have to purchase the clothes at some point..back in the real world, how much do you actually spend!

When I was that age I had to get a job and give my mum money!!

Maybe you could take a guess at how much she's wasted and take that off from now on as she obviously doesn't need it.

Is this a more recent thing, since lockdown started or has she always been like this?

I'm going to put a different perspective on this. What you see as spending money, she's actually paying for convenience. Having stuff delivered, getting what she wants/needs when she wants/needs etc. Atm she's spending no money on socialising, school lunches, buses etc. Shops were shut and the fun of going out with your mates , trawling through isles , having something to drink after etc is gone. There's not a lot left that she can prioritise so she chose convenience.

The fact that she runs out of money, is for her to deal with (do not top her up) and once her social life picks up again, you might see her habits change.

£3.50 for postage is the equivalent cost in parking / the bus where I live, so it isn’t massively unreasonable. Honestly once you give her money it’s her own to manage. If you don’t think she can manage it after guiding her (you should try totting up the postage costs to show her how much she might have saved if she had just waited and bought everything together) then stop giving her money and tell her she needs a job.

She can get a job OP, she is old enough. Bet she's more careful with it when she actually earns it.

As an aside, do you think she just enjoys and is acclimatised to the 'thrill' of making online orders and receiving parcels- it is quite a common issue. £85 a month for clothes is a lot considering she isn't at college, working or realistically going to be going anywhere much that warrants new clothing every few weeks.

I think if you want her to think as you do on the value of money and wasting it then the clothes are a good place to start, surely she has a wardrobe full and could be encouraged to 'shop' from that.

Broach the subject of her looking for a job if she wants to continually buy things that are luxuries, or have her pay for her own phone. My DM used to pay the bare minimum for a basic phone but invite us to 'top up' and pay her the difference monthly from our own money if the phone we wanted was a more extravagant one (which it obviously always was). I thought and think that very fair. I'm grateful that I never got given huge amounts of money for nothing as it spurred me on to desperately wanting a job as soon as I was 16 and learning to manage my own money as an adult rather than as a child - she'll be 18 shortly and a legal adult.

OP I think a spreadsheet or Monzo account would be helpful.

Fwiw I think £85 is fine and reasonable. I love how a previous poster put it "competitive poverty". You give what you can afford and yes, your DD is growing up but she doesn't have to be a full adult just yet. Maybe I'm getting old but 16 is still a child to me!

I strongly disagree with the posters who say “let her get on with it/it’s her money” etc. You’re her parent. It’s one of your most important jobs to help her learn to manage money so she’s not constantly stressed and worried about money her whole life.

I would:
(a) sit her down and work through what you just said and explain she could buy an extra t shirt/make up/trip to cinema etc with what she wastes on delivery every month
(b) try and identify something she really really wants that is more expensive and help her set a goal to save up for it (so she learns the value of not spending just because she has the money so she can)
(c) consider reducing her allowance, attaching it to doing certain chores or homework, or certainly not increasing it - £85 is loads (and I say that as a high earner) and in my experience from school the kids who got massive allowances weren’t often the ones who learnt how to be good with money. Teenagers are all about instant gratification and showing off to peers and giving her a big allowance is enabling that, rather than learning that money is something you have to work for.

I don't think £85 a month is a huge amount for a 16 year old. I used to get £50 per month in the 90's! Just over £20 a week for clothes, eating out, coffees, make up, etc? She'll be spending less on socialising at the moment so is spending money on deliveries for the convenience of not going to the shops.

• I'm sorry I should have said at the beginning - the £85 covers everything Bus, Socialising, ALL Clothes, toiletries, She buys lunch with it as well

She also has to buy birthday / xmas gifts out of it. *

Plus Netflix and Spotify occasionally.

£85 is not that much in normal times, the only reason she can afford to be a spendthrift at the moment is because there are only a few options available to spend the money on.

I don't think it matters if the amount is £40 or £150 I think the point is the dd is not particularly economical.

I spent a fair amount on myself each month but always look out for promotions, newsletter
sign ups, will do click & collect if it's cheaper etc.

Once you've given her the money, it is up to her to budget it. She is the one who is losing out by spending too much on postage, not you. At some point she'll presumably work it out. If not, well it's still up to her.

FWIW, I don't think £80 a month is that much if she has to buy clothes and you don't give her extra money to go out, buy birthday presents, or anything else. Once my daughter went to sixth form ( no uniform) I stopped buying her any clothes and gave her an allowance instead. I was going to give her £100 a month for everything, but she get some work paying about £50 a month, so I effectively let her keep half of it by cutting the allowance to £75 a month. She's very careful and saves up her earnings plus babysitting money etc. for holidays. Lots of her friends don't get an allowance but actually get far more in handouts for clothes, going out etc. It all rather depends how much money you have to spare a household anyway.

Never heard of Brandy Melville so looked it up. Looks a bit like the used stuff that sells for no more than 99p on ebay .

85 is far too much especially if she doesn't have a 'good head for money '.

I give our child a similar age £40 and pay their mobile only, they're not that good with money yet (learning slowly) and this is the main reason I don't give more.

Hello
I think that you are doing great.
In my opinion just keep what you are doing as she is old enough to make her own decision. You may find it stressful and might want to sit her down and maybe give her a small lecture. Explain to her again and tell her that it is a waste of money.

Many people on this small conversation, say that £85 is way to much, but I give my 12 year old daughter £100 a month.
I am not giving any hate - this is just my ways.
I want my kids to be independent. If they run out of money, then hard luck.

If £85 is too much for you daughter, do some experimenting to see what works for you.
If you lower it, then remember to keep your daughter happy, as the last thing you want is a falling out.
It also depends how independent you child is. If they are capable of doing things themselves the maybe you could consider earning extra money.

just do what works for you

Thank you
And good luck to you.

Yours sincerely
Katy

I am amazed that people think 20 quid a week for a 16 year old is loads, when it's used to buy everything they want or need, apart from their phone.

@ThatUserNamesTakenTryAnother
I agree with you
When my child was younger, we only gave her £75 a month ( she was about 9) as she LOVED to spend money on toys clothes and other unnecessary items.

She used to think money was power and take it to her head.

I would give her £50 max and put the remainder in a savings account for her for the future. Teach her about budgeting, boring yes but something which we all need to learn and will use for the rest of our lives.

show her 3 columns:
How much she spent on goods
How much she spent on delivery
How much she could have saved by shopping around.

Add up columns 2 and 3. Ask what she would rather have spent the ££ on.

Easy come easy go!!

I think the point about whether it is too much is relevant. Because if the kid had less they would do their best make it go further. If they have too much, it is of less value. What’s a few £ on delivery etc. But cut that back and she’ll soon see she it’s wasteful.

£85 or £45 or whatever, the specific amount doesn’t matter. The point is that’s it’s too much for this particular DC to see the value in it. And so wastes it.

@SisterAgatha how is £85 too much for

the £85 covers everything
Bus, Socialising, ALL Clothes, toiletries, She buys lunch with it as well

She also has to buy birthday / xmas gifts out of it.

And Netflix.

It's too much at the moment, possibly. So because she doesn't have all the other normal spends, the daughter prioritises differently/not at all.