Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

If she likes getting stuff delivered then Amazon Prime may be good for her? I use mine for watching TV and also for getting a lot of small mostly toiletry items to my Mum who can't shop for herself .
Also ask her if she has some friends that want to share a multi screen Netflix subscription. Obviously it's up to her if she want to try and save some money.

@Nosuchluck

If she likes getting stuff delivered then Amazon Prime may be good for her? I use mine for watching TV and also for getting a lot of small mostly toiletry items to my Mum who can't shop for herself . Also ask her if she has some friends that want to share a multi screen Netflix subscription. Obviously it's up to her if she want to try and save some money.

That is a good idea! :)

Hello
I think that you are doing great.
In my opinion just keep what you are doing as she is old enough to make her own decision. You may find it stressful and might want to sit her down and maybe give her a small lecture. Explain to her again and tell her that it is a waste of money.

Many people on this small conversation, say that £85 is way to much, but I give my 12 year old daughter £100 a month.
I am not giving any hate - this is just my ways.
I want my kids to be independent. If they run out of money, then hard luck.

If £85 is too much for you daughter, do some experimenting to see what works for you.
If you lower it, then remember to keep your daughter happy, as the last thing you want is a falling out.
It also depends how independent you child is. If they are capable of doing things themselves the maybe you could consider earning extra money.

just do what works for you

Thank you
And good luck to you.

Yours sincerely
Katy x

£50 is nothing if she has to pay for transport and lunches. Without her having to get a Saturday job.

Dd spent £25 per month over the year on transport just to get to school.

If she has a dinner at school to buy then I think £85 is not a bad budget.

Maybe sit down and write down what the money has to cover and how to put away that money so transport and food is covered for the year and see what else she wants to spend her money on each week and put the yearly amount down then divide it by 12 so she has to budget what she spends.
It might be she gets a job or you add a little extra on but I think it does teach them about money.

Dd has a Saturday job from the age of 14 plus in the summer holidays she worked for several weeks.
She enjoys earning money but likes to spend it as well.

DD (17) gets a clothing allowance of £32 a month. She’s had a part time job in a restaurant since she was 16 and as she had a ten hour a week contract she did ok out of furlough. She’s just been made redundant from the end of July as her restaurant is not reopening. So she’s gone and got herself a cleaning job. She’s saving for her car insurance. If teens really want to work there are jobs available during lockdown.
As for the £85 a month if the OP can afford it then I won’t get judgy on that, but the OP’s DD ought to be encouraged to get a job.
Oh and they are eligible for unidays from the start of college/sixth form.

I agree that she gets too much for free and therefore isn't learning the value of money. At 16 I had a part time job and had to give my parents keep as well as paying my travel etc to work. I feel that my parents were a bit mean as they didn't give me any money at all, so I won't go to this extreme with mine. However, if your dd isn't earning any of the money herself, why would she value it?

Christ most adults don't have that a month to just fritter on crap.

I assume you have statistics to back that up because ONS figures would suggest otherwise.

20 quid a week doesn’t seem like a ridiculous amount of money for an older teenager if it is also paying for clothes, Netflix etc.

It’s to much for this child in particular. Because she doesn’t value it so wastes it. Other children may be able to manage more, it’s individual. For her to have so much she wastes it, is too much.

People on this thread are looking at the actual value as a indicator of the “right” amount, but it’s not. The right amount for your dc is an amount they won’t squander.

At 16, she needs to have a part time job. My daughter and son both did.
I would reduce her allowance and insist she looks for a job. My daughter was kitted out clothes wise for college through charity shops.

For child a) who spends wisely and never comes back begging for more, £85 is reasonable.

For child b) who spunks it up the wall on day 1 and is still poor, £85 is too much.

Child b learns no lessons.

Quite a lot of adults spend £20 a week just on coffee. Or used to, that probably won’t be the case in future between more people working from home and a lot of coffee shops not reopening.

Family allowance for one child is just over £80 per month. I don't think £85 a month is a lot considering the girl is supposed to buy her own clothes out of it.

Tbh this is why “is this too much allowance” threads always go the same way.

People just see the figures, not the capacity of the person to deal with that amount of money. She can’t handle £85. Let her work up to it when she can spend £45 wisely.

@pigeon999

Wow it is a fortune per month, no wonder she has no respect for money. My dd (15) has 10.00 per week and two shopping trips (paid for) per year for clothes and shoes. I pay for toiletries etc, so really this is just to go out for a milkshake with friends. We also give her a small allowance of 50.00 a term for stationary. All books are paid for.

What on earth does she spend it all on?

I think you are encouraging an unhealthy shopping habit, and addiction to on line shopping. Teaching teens the value of money is essential in my view.

You realise that £10 a week plus £50 a term = £670 a year? Add toiletries, books and your two shopping trips a year for clothes and shoes. Does that add up to less than £1020? Because that is how much OP is giving her daughter.

This is my point. Ask if it’s too much and you get shopping lists and people saying “at my age I was earning xxx” or “I give my dc £1000/10p and they are ok” or “she’s spoiled”.

None of that matters to the point in hand : If shes got enough money to waste, she’s got too much.

I guarantee you she won’t be paying £3.50 postage if she doesn’t have £3.50 for postage. She’ll walk to the shop and learn the value of that £3.50.

At sixteen she's obviously not capable of managing get finances so maybe she gets the bit for socialising etc and when it's gone it's gone and you give her a quarterly budget for corners but she chooses within a week say and you pay for the orders/Saturday shopping trip. I don't think it's a huge amount I was given the same at 16 and my parents weren't well off, and that was 20 years ago, however bi was expected to budget and there was no sympathy when it was gone, I used to save £5 most weeks towards big nights out, gig tickets or larger purchases , it was also conditional on me pulling my weight around the house and working hard at A levels

I also had a part time job waitressing in a local pub

I got a similar amount at that age but everything from school meals, stationary, school books, school bag, to clothes or presents for people for chirstmas or birthday had to be paid by myself too. It did teach me to budget and prioritize so for example I knew if I would have to spend more on x that month I would try cut back elsewhere. I did not exactly save a lot and most months did spend the full amount but I at least learned the concept of needing to budget my month etc

I would not stress too much you dd is spending money that she sees as her money and as other costs are not going out as they usually would she is probably less frugal then she usually would be

Let her work up to it when she can spend £45 wisely.

What's wisely?

I've been having more deliveries and take aways during lockdown because there was nothing else to do ,nowhere else to go , nothing to spend money on. So I've ordered stuff when I wanted/needed it, especially since we couldn't really go out.

OP said this has been going on since April. Her DD had 7 deliveries since then. That's £24.50 "wasted" out of £170 (2 months allowance only), at a time where she couldn't go anywhere, meet with anyone etc.

She's paying for convenience,because her other costs have been cancelled. It's not necessarily wasteful though.

Has she always been into getting things delivered or is it a new Covid thing?

She's doesn't care what things cost because she doesn't need to. You can't be surprised by her behaviour under the circumstances. £85 is too much - half it?!

@emmylousings the dd pays for her own school lunches, transport, nextflix and everything if school lunch alone can eat up 5-10 quid a week

Perhaps get her to add up all the 3.50's

^ I like this idea.

You're not nagging, but providing a lesson, nonetheless. You can't argue with numbers!

Have you all forgotten what it's like to be a teenager? I suppose you all carefully spent your money at the age, or put it in a savings account

I think you should reduce her allowance slightly and encourage her to take on a Saturday job to allow some kind of understanding of earning money.

Christ, the comments on here, people braying to get this girl to have her money take off her or make her clean for hours on end.

Op the amount is fine, don’t let envy and bitterness from some posters change your habits, but she needs to make her own mistakes.