Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

I’ll go slightly against the grain on delivery fees. Online shopping even with a delivery charge is probably cheaper than a physical trip to buy clothes and the travel costs, inevitably coffee & snacks. If you went out to the shops for everything that would add up in other ways.

@LovelyIssues that money is not just for clothes. She also used to pay for school lunches, transport, Netflix, Spotify, any gifts for people and socializing

The whole point of pockey money/allowances is to learn how to manage money so how about directing her to money saving expert? Or the app where it save all the pennies. It's all about budgeting and not wasting money, not being tight or mean. Another idea is to maybe share the cost of Amazon Prime with her, same for Netflix maybe?

@LovelyIssues as well as toiletries too

Handing a debit card loaded with £85 a month for clothes to a 16 year old are we? Alrighty then. Nobody on planet Earth needs to buy new clothes every month for starters. Secondly she's 16 and you want her shopping around for deals and using a student discount? Lol. You're lucky she's not spending it on hotels for her and her boyfriend to smoke weed in all day. Either take away the card completely, or drastically lessen the amount. Or let the girl have the fucking bio oil. Decisions decisions.

I was quite similar to your daughter when I was young. My mum used to give me £20 a week, that’s included my lunch money since I was 14. ( I am now 40) To me, it was the norm and didn’t understand why my friends had no money to buy anything. I was naive and stupid and definitely didn’t have a clue about saving and being money savvy as I was getting regular pocket money. Obviously I had to help out but still I always thought money was easy to come by. It took me many many years to learn to be frugal and appreciate that money doesn’t grow on tree! How about give her some tips on how to spend more sensibly like ask her to what kind of toiletries she needs that week and you can add it on your shopping list and she can give you the money back?

@ExecutionStyle I agree. ridiculous

Well I’ve heard it all now! At what age does an adult start taking responsibility for themselves nowadays! My ‘pocket money’ stopped at 16 years old, no ifs or buts! If wanted clothes to go out I had to get a job or NOT go out!. If I wanted a car, I had to get a job or NOT have a car. If I wanted anything from 16 years old onward I had to get a job or go without. My parents wouldn’t bail me out or sub me and I knew it. I didn’t even ask! Guess what. It made me get off my ar$e and take responsibility for my own life. I hated it at the time but I understood why my parents did it and looking back I now appreciate the life lesson it taught me. I respect my parents for doing the right thing, not the easy thing!

I’d halve her money, she pays for her phone and if she wants more she earns it. Guarantee she will think a bit more when she has to work for the money.

She has more money than sense. It’s not setting her up well for the future to have such a large monthly ‘allowance’ at 16. It’s wasteful and also an environmental impact of ordering deliveries of ‘stuff‘ every couple of days. She’s not listening and moaning anyway!

do people who say it is too much realise that before lockdown dd was spending over half her allowance on school lunch? she also pays for transport so that will be another large chunk gone.

@lovepickledlimes

do people who say it is too much realise that before lockdown dd was spending over half her allowance on school lunch? she also pays for transport so that will be another large chunk gone.

I think most people are saying it’s too much to just be given. As I stated earlier, I got £350 a month when I was sixteen (17 years ago). I had a job in my local shopping centre and wasn’t every penny I got. For me, the issue here isn’t the amount, it’s the attitude that it’s completely disposable and easy to come by and be replaced. She has no idea of what £85 actually is in terms of earning it. That’s why she doesn’t care about what she spends it on. Working to earn your own money teaches you so many invaluable lessons. For example, I knew out of my £350 a month I had to get my bus pass which was about £40 for the month. If I didn’t buy my bus pass, I couldn’t get to work to earn more money. It was the first thing I always bought on pay day. I leant how to budget and how to prioritise. OP’s daughter will never learn that while she’s just being given money.

And earned* every penny 🙄

More money than sense. You and her.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I earned my money babysitting and doing basic admin for my mum still did not mean I was frugal with every penny I had. It was not until I moved out and it was a case of I better watch my money or I can't eat that I started to be more cautious. Right now living at home it's a case of ok I ran out of money I guess I am walking, or skip a few school lunches not the end of the world etc

So many grown ass women begrudging a 16 yo £85 a month for clothes,toiletries,busses,lunches and socialising.

Actually simply begrudging her something they didn't get or don't have.

This is a kid we're talking about, and she will grow up and learn.

There are plenty of countries where teens don't get jobs, they're not all still living with their parents at 30 or massively in debt.

I didn't get a job until uni and still moved fucking countries at 23!

So much glee at having her cut off or just that little bit better off to satisfy some made up idea about wise spending and worthiness. Why? Because she doesn't have the same spending habits of 30/40 yo women?

Of course she doesn't! She's 16 and since April she wasn't able to go to school,see her friends, go shopping,socialise or do anything fun. She compensated by getting 7 deliveries. The horror of it all.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble it really is ridiculous

Hi! My 16 year daughter is the same! She drives me nuts!
I’ve got her retail job 12h a week( weekend or evening), she gets £440.00 a month and she manages to blow it all on some random crap. They will grow out of it, I’m sure. I hope it’s just a step for a successful money management in the future.🤞

It certainly is. I’m horrified by the nasty attitudes here. If I didn’t know how much it was I’d think she was getting hundreds every month. Not £85 that she has to use to pay for school lunches and bus fare as well as everything else. It’s £20 a week, not £200!

@Alena03 they blow it on random crap because if they run out it's not the end of the world. They will still at least get one meal and a roof over their head. The only thing that will change it is moving out and being responsible for rent and food bills. And to be honest once you move out life is shit enough as it is so I don't begrudge the few years of frivolous shopping that they do get

My 17 DD was the same OP.
She gets £35 a week, and has to get all clothes, shoes & anything else she wants.
She used to spend it on nothing much, but during lockdown has lost her little babysitting job (which went toward her birthday & Christmas present fund).
We had a massive chat about her wasting money & she has really taken this on board, has sold over£300 of stuff on local Facebook selling sites and has saved that money (should have been for festival?)
She has an interview next week for full time apprenticeship, I’ve got EVERYTHING crossed!
I think have a chat, but she needs to learn for herself & make good choices!
I’m sure she’ll soon get there! X

[quote lovepickledlimes]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I earned my money babysitting and doing basic admin for my mum still did not mean I was frugal with every penny I had. It was not until I moved out and it was a case of I better watch my money or I can't eat that I started to be more cautious. Right now living at home it's a case of ok I ran out of money I guess I am walking, or skip a few school lunches not the end of the world etc[/quote]
ran out of money I guess I am walking, or skip a few school lunches not the end of the world etc
Yes you learnt a lesson there. In a way that you understood that you hadn’t budgeted your money wisely and that there were consequences. It’s much better to learn this lesson as a sixteen year old who has a roof over their head and food in their belly regardless. Why would you want to learn that lesson when the consequences are more serious?

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I am just say that is why she is spending the way she is and it's not really a lesson as I did it again thinking the consequence no big deal. It's part of human nature to weigh of the negatives are worth what you gain. Obviously getting the limited edition directors cut dvd though I already had the standard one was totally worth missing a week of school lunches for. In the past few years where I had to actually make sure to leave money for food or I don't eat I have not bought a single dvd

[quote lovepickledlimes]@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken I am just say that is why she is spending the way she is and it's not really a lesson as I did it again thinking the consequence no big deal. It's part of human nature to weigh of the negatives are worth what you gain. Obviously getting the limited edition directors cut dvd though I already had the standard one was totally worth missing a week of school lunches for. In the past few years where I had to actually make sure to leave money for food or I don't eat I have not bought a single dvd[/quote]
We’ll have to agree to disagree then. I think there’s huge values and lessons to be learnt from earning your own money.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken Of course I learned stuff but being frugal was not one of them