Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

Why dosnt she have a saturday job.....

Easily solved if you’re resenting giving her your hard earned money just for her to waste it. if she’s old enough now for a Saturday job or similar now, wouldnt that teach the real value of money and not to waste it if she had to earn it herself? Plus also she’d have less time to waste/spend it as she’d be occupied doing something useful instead in her spare time. In my experience, Kids do think money is easy to get until they actually enter the world of work, and the longer it’s left, the more budgeting issues they’re likely to have later.on . I hardly know any kids who haven’t done some part time work whilst studying (including myself) And the benefits have always outweighed any downsides. On the contrary, the ones who haven’t Undertaken any sort of part time/seasonal work during their schooling years (unless they were focusing on professional sport etc.) have Seemed to be the ones struggling with focus, motivation, budgeting etc. Later on in life. Everyone’s different of course, but that’s my two penneth for what it’s worth

Sorry, but I agree it's too much. That's not the cause of her spending, but it contributes to it - she doesn't have to think about budgeting. I would cut it - I have cut my teens' allowances as our income has fallen due to the pandemic, and they are having to make do. It's part of life, and better she learns it now while she's got a safety net than becomes one of those CFs we're always reading about on here who's always scrounging money off their family!

£85 is a huge amount. I barely spend that much every month on clothes and toiletries and I’m 52 with a professional job and a larger than average salary.

If she’s managing to spend £85 a month at the moment, good luck to you and her when she’s 17 buying pizzas/alcohol/food whilst out and buying clothes and face products are you willing to give her more money.

She needs to understand the value of money otherwise you are setting yourself up and her for a very big fall, it’s free money to her.

That’s crazy money at 16 without needing to pay phone bill etc. I had a job from 15 and if my kids can’t find work they can do work for me if they want money. Currently they are 10 and 12 and only get money if they do chores and it’s a maximum £10 a week. I buy their necessities, but if they want Nike Trainers etc they need to save up for them, my 12 year old often buys clothes (PLT/H&M etc) and buys stuff for her room (LED lights recently) but still has saved £50 up over lockdown from doing chores. My 10 yr old spends all his on Xbox!

This is a great book, one which could also help put her into good habits when she starts a workings full time.

I wish I had been given a copy at her age.

It's an easy but very interesting read about how a 20 something year suddenly found her self in 25k of debt, easily done when eating out, buying cloths, on line shopping with no regard to a budget, suddenly it all caught up with her.

Sadly debt is a big issue and money still isn't really spoken about.

Anyway I really recommend this book for hat or anyone who wants to be more mindful with their money.

She needs to learn some responsibility- she wont whilst you are piling the money on her

It’s not her money unless she earned it.
I would reduce her allowance drastically and help her to find a part time job.
Then, when she realises she needs to budget, she will be more open to advice from you.

Tell her about top cashback

You need to tell her to get a summer job. You are teaching her nothing.

I don’t actually think £85 is a huge amount.

When you add up the bus fare, socialising, clothes, toiletries, lunches, presents, and Netflix.

It would be a lot for just clothes but with everything else when you add it up it does start to make sense
Even at £1.50 for lunch each day it is about £24 per month throughout the year.
Another bundle for bus fare and you can see how it eats away onto the £85

My DS is the same age & works part time in a clothes shop only gets £35 a week but he spends it as he wishes, we can’t afford to give him extra money as when he is at college we pay for his bus pass & meals, tell her to get a job!

So how much does his bus pass and his lunches add up to

Has she been ordering online because of lockdown? Has she thought she needed to order rather than ask you to buy from Tesco and give you the money.
I would list the amount she has spent on p n p and talk to her. Show her how much she would have had. And to wait for offers for free postage etc. Offer for her to buy toiletries in with the family shop and get the money for what she wants off her. I don't think it's a massive amount of money for what she is expected to use it for as long as you aren't giving her extra.
I thought a spendthrift was someone who was good with money.
There must be advice pages aimed at teens about being savvy shoppers.
I wouldn't be annoyed at her for buying clothes that are more of a label than Primark, but I wouldn't give her any more money if that's her choice.of shopping.

I think buying 6 t shirts all at once and then being skint all month to save 5 lots of £3.50 would have been worse.
How else was she meant to get stuff when all the shops were shut for 12 weeks?
. I think for 16 she's ok doing ok.

I don’t think people commenting that £85 a month are really thinking this through. That’s less than £20/week and it’s not just for clothes. The issues is how to get your daughter to understand the importance of a budget. It might be that she needs to better understand the consequence of exceeding your budget? Personally I know I didn’t really get it until I was in my twenties, but if you want her to get it now maybe you need to see if you can get any advice from school? Does she have her own bank account and could maybe talk to someone there? If she got how much further her money would go, I’m sure she’d try harder.

My daughter has a Brandy Melville habit too - can't think why, I loathe the brand and its 'one size fits all as long as you are a skinny size 0' mentality. She uses Depop app to buy (and sometimes sell for a profit) her BM clothes - all second hand. She is 14, and I give her £5 a week, pay for her travel and shoes so I can be sure she gets properly fitting ones. Why not suggest she tries Depop to save cash? Its more sustainable too.

Haven't read all the messages so apologies if this has been said.

Sit down with her and write down everything she's spent in the past month. Add up all the excessive postage she's paid and the value of student discount she's not applied. Also google discount codes for the different shops if student discount isn't available. Price comparisons with other shops as well.

When all this has been worked out ask her to start doing this when shopping online. Then tell her to put aside the money she saves each month and watch it grow.

Good luck. She will get there.

She clearly has no appreciation for the value of money. Either dramatically reduce the amount you give her in order to teach her a lesson (she should have learnt before now) or leave her to it and hope she learns for herself at some point in the future.

£85 per month is over generous really for a 16 year old, and doesn't seem to be appreciated by your daughter.
She may appreciate it more if she had less, say £50-£60 and she may then have to learn to budget better by default.
Judging by what you have posted, she would probably save £25-£30 straight away by being smarter with delivery charges!
Good luck :)

There are many on here saying that she is old enough and she needs to learn. There is a lot of information about teaching our children, but particularly girls about money, budgeting and how to work with money. I think your suggestion about looking at what she could save and also what she has spent is a very useful exercise. let her see it. If she then continues to do this, definitely do not give her more money and look at working with her on understanding money, credit, debits etc. We are there to teach our children and she is still not out in the world.

@Zizzagaaaaah I haven’t read through all the posts because most of them seem to say the same thing. I think that you need to let her get on with it, does the company she buys from not have a yearly delivery scheme, because a lot of retailers have that now? Our (ex foster) son is 20, can’t work and is on minimal benefits but he (we) spend about £200 a month on his clothes, he’s not spoilt, we just spend what is relevant to our income, I think if we had a daughter we would be skint lol x

Sure many have said already, but reduce the money until she can prove she is responsible. Or make her earn it - then she will appreciate the value!

£85 every month for clothes!?? What is she doing with them to need new ones each month. £30 fair enough for toiletries but I barely spend £85 a YEAR on clothes