Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spendthrift daughter

481 replies

Zizzagaaaaah · 01/07/2020 12:13

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

OP posts:
BrummyMum1 · 02/07/2020 00:09

Is there anything she needs to save for? Or is there anything she wants but can’t afford? If not then she doesn’t need to be careful with her money. You’ve given her disposable cash and she’s disposing it.

saleorbouy · 02/07/2020 00:34

As previously mentioned add up the money she could of saved and discuss this with her. If she is suitably receptive then see how her habits change, however if she if not interested lower the allowance by the amount she could have saved as this obviously does not have value in her eyes. May this will help her adapt her spending habits.

SionnachGlic · 02/07/2020 00:43

£85 is alot...& you pay her ph. She has too much. If she had to earn it & learn the value of it she would realise £3.50's don't grow on trees & be a bit more wise about things. I wd be annoyed too & reduce her allowance. Tell her stop being lazy & to go to the shop & stop ordering items that are available locally online.

jessstan2 · 02/07/2020 01:03

I wonder what parents used to do when kids didn't go to college or have apprenticeships but stayed at school, including wearing uniform, until 18 (some still do). Did they expect their children to work for their allowance or if they had a Saturday job, deduct what they were paid from it? I ask because I do not remember any of us parents having similar conversations when our children were at school 20-25 years ago. We just kept them, bought their clothes and gave them spending money according to what we could afford.

IamPickleRick · 02/07/2020 02:00

I was never kept, never had pocket money, I walked to school because we fell 0.02 miles short of the free bus pass and mum decided that was close enough!

Although, I did have a very lucrative job that paid better than my friends so I always had spends.

I’m not going to say it’s too much, because everyone is different, but I will say that money easily made is money easily spent. The more you work for for it/need it, the better you use it.

lilgreen · 02/07/2020 07:52

@jessstan2 I loved at home until my early 20s. Left school after A levels and I remember my DM saying after I got my results that I had 3 weeks holiday then I need to get a job and pay board. I did. Bought my own clothes etc. Obviously my board didn’t cover my costs but it was a contribution.

lilgreen · 02/07/2020 07:53

I also had a part time job throughout 6th form for clothes and socialising. No pocket money .

LynetteScavo · 02/07/2020 07:55

We just kept them, bought their clothes and gave them spending money according to what we could afford.

This is what I do with my DC.

I've been told in MN my 14yo should be having a clothing allowance. I worked out how much we spend on clothes for her and it came to over £2000 Per Year. No way am I giving a 14yo £200pm to do what she likes with.

The not shopping around for the cheapest of something would annoy me, and also wasting money on postage, but during times when the shops were closed I would try to over look that.

I think if you're happy to give her the money then you have to let her spend it as she chooses. is just be happy she was spending it at Brandy Melville and not some piercings and some alternative look I didn't like

Point out to her what she could also have bought if she'd shopped around and not wasted postage, and then leave it. I don't think there's anything else you can do.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/07/2020 08:01

She's paying for convenience,because her other costs have been cancelled. It's not necessarily wasteful though

Of course it's wasteful. She's paid more for postage in these two months than I have in the last 5 years because it only takes a minimal amount of thinking ahead and planning to not have to pay for postage in 99% of circumstances. Or she could have cut the clothes deliveries down to one a month, and only paid a couple of £3.50s instead of 6.

Are people missing the point that she's also paid £3.50 to have something delivered that can be bought from a shop 5 minutes walk away? The OP hasn't said anything about the DD being unable to go for a short walk. Or it could have been bought for £2.50 less as part of their weekly shop, so it actually makes it £6 wasted, due to the unnecessary postage and higher cost of the items.

People would really nitpick their way through a 16 year olds spending/cut her allowance because she spent £7 per month that you would have spent differently

But the point is that she didn't have to spend that money at all. Just because she has this allowance doesn't mean that she has to spend every penny every month. She's looking at it the wrong way round. She's obviously thinking 'I have £85, what can I buy' rather than waiting until she decides she needs something and then buying it if she has the money.

Just about everyone saying she's wasting money will be speaking from experience about lessons they wish they'd learned earlier in life.
Everyone's probably heard of the saying 'if you look after the pennies, the pounds look after themselves' and this is exactly what this thread is about. Lots of seemingly inconsequential small savings really add up and in many cases is the main difference between people who 'never have any money' and people who can generally afford what they want/need is that the latter group think more about what they buy and getting it at the best price (obviously excluding the people who are genuinely struggling, I'm talking about people who do have money, but just don't seem to be able to make it go far as others in similar circumstances with the same amount).

Nofunkingworriesmate · 02/07/2020 08:21

Giving her £85 for clothes is asking for this
I had monthly allowance when at college to learn to budget basics like books, bus fare and school uniform etc
She's not going to budget when she doesn't need to

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 02/07/2020 08:23

@Nofunkingworriesmate it's not just clothes. It's all clothes, toiletries, lunches, socialising and Netflix.

LolaSmiles · 02/07/2020 08:33

Everyone's probably heard of the saying 'if you look after the pennies, the pounds look after themselves' and this is exactly what this thread is about. Lots of seemingly inconsequential small savings really add up and in many cases is the main difference between people who 'never have any money' and people who can generally afford what they want/need is that the latter group think more about what they buy and getting it at the best price (obviously excluding the people who are genuinely struggling, I'm talking about people who do have money, but just don't seem to be able to make it go far as others in similar circumstances with the same amount).
But then I would imagine everyone has a friend who spends loads, always has new clothes, endless online shopping deliveries, new car on PCP every couple of years, lots of weekend breaks in UK cities, but thinks others are 'lucky' for having savings/a house etc.

It sounds like money is burning a hole in the OP's daughter's pocket.

Runnerduck34 · 02/07/2020 09:09

At least shes not going overdrawn/ in debt- probably because she can't!
She sounds like a typical 16 old to me! Brandy Melville clothes arent that expensive, she obviously prefers these to Tesco's/ primark so I don't think youll get her to swap brands and it could be a lot worse!
But having items delivered unnecasarily would drive me nuts if she can walk 5 mins down the road and get same product cheaper thats just lazy.
You can say, or do you know thats £2.50 cheaper in tesco , next time i can buy it with my weekly shop if you give me the money and hope it sinks in or add up unnecassary postage costs for things she can buy locally and show how much she could save.
but if it doesn't leave her to it, learning to budget is a life skill and sometimes you have to learn the hard way.

Hormonecrazyhell · 02/07/2020 09:17

Easy come, easy go. Mine has to do chores for money. He’s very frugal

Rubyupbeat · 02/07/2020 09:29

She's a typical 16 year old , who just needs a bit more guidance.
Tbh, 85 isn't a lot, if she has to pay for clothes and shoes out of it as well as socialising.

kmc1111 · 02/07/2020 10:30

I don’t know, I’m not sure it’s such a bad thing to just buy what you want and suck up the postage costs. Soooooo many people spend a lot more than £3.50 trying to get free postage or make the postage ‘worth it’, and believe they’re saving money in the process when really they’re spending much more than the postage would have cost for things they didn’t originally want or need.

Also if she’s buying trendy clothes it’s quite possible the things she wants aren’t actually available at the same time. It may also be her way of budgeting eg. she buys the things she really, really wants earlier in month and then see’s what she has left for the rest later once socialising costs have been spent.

Plus some people find it hard to shop in Superdrug and Boots without impulse buying. I know I’ve made small orders online sometimes because I knew if I went in I’d end up with £20 of makeup too.

LolaSmiles · 02/07/2020 12:13

I don’t know, I’m not sure it’s such a bad thing to just buy what you want and suck up the postage costs. Soooooo many people spend a lot more than £3.50 trying to get free postage or make the postage ‘worth it’, and believe they’re saving money in the process when really they’re spending much more than the postage would have cost for things they didn’t originally want or need
This is also true, but I also think there's an increasing agenda pushing a 'buy it now... Fast fashion... When it's gone it's gone' that is driving a lot of the industry. Maybe the cute yellow t-shirts won't be there in a fortnight, but given she's making several separate orders there's probably still something nice if she needs it. She could do an order of what she needs, Vs buying what's there and cute, and have it in one order.

It sounds like the OP's daughter has a lot of money burning a hole in her pocket and she's very much caught up in fast fashion/have it now. I do find myself wondering what's going to happen to the world when all these teens/20 somethings growing up with fast fashion want to continue this approach.

lovepickledlimes · 02/07/2020 13:05

@LolaSmiles don't most people buy the item they want if they can afford it? OP's dd is not running out of money and 6 orders since april is hardly excessive

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/07/2020 13:09

I do find myself wondering what's going to happen to the world when all these teens/20 somethings growing up with fast fashion want to continue this approach

Same thing that has always happened.
“Fast fashion” has been about for decades it isn’t anything new

NotNowPlzz · 02/07/2020 13:12

You need to sit her down and teach her to manage her money, even if she has a strop. She's 16, she needs guidance.

Alsohuman · 02/07/2020 13:23

Exactly that. Fast fashion was a thing when I was in my teens and I’m old. The environmental impact is becoming far better understood now so, hopefully, that will have an effect on this generation. What do you do if you haven’t got much money, though? And, given all the things it has to cover, £85 a month isn’t a huge amount.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 02/07/2020 15:15

@jessstan2

I wonder what parents used to do when kids didn't go to college or have apprenticeships but stayed at school, including wearing uniform, until 18 (some still do). Did they expect their children to work for their allowance or if they had a Saturday job, deduct what they were paid from it? I ask because I do not remember any of us parents having similar conversations when our children were at school 20-25 years ago. We just kept them, bought their clothes and gave them spending money according to what we could afford.
Out of a friendship group of about 20, 2 of my friends got pocket money after the age of 16. The rest of us worked part-time through college. I can also share with you that those two friends continued to be unemployed through university and struggled to find work after we’d graduated. They struggled to even get the part-time crappy jobs we’d all done because they were in their twenties and had no work experience. The rest of us were in our twenties with 5+ years of work experience. Another anecdote for you, me and husband own business. Many of a our staff are students. The difference in common sense, work ethic, team work and initiative between the ones who have previously worked in Macdonalds or their local Italian restaurant etc. and the ones who are just about to graduate and need a work reference on their CV is crazy. They are worlds apart. You’re really not helping your kids in the long term by not encouraging them to find part-time work as older teenagers.
McCanne · 02/07/2020 17:32

Let her moan. You’ve told her what she can do to save money in terms of delivery fees etc, tell her you don’t want to hear any more about it.

Also it’s none of anybody’s business how much you give her, it’s irrelevant.

McCanne · 02/07/2020 17:34

Also, she 16. It’s ok for her to BE 16 and learn lessons herself.

FelicisNox · 02/07/2020 17:47

Very annoying.

The next time she complains just say: I'm not interested to hear it, I've told you to walk to local shops, to use your student discount and check out delivery deals but you're ignoring me and I'm not giving you more money so either learn to manage your money or go away.

I don't think either you or your daughter realise that £85 per month & phone is actually a lot of money.... there's no way I could afford that and actually Brandy Melville IS expensive when you compare it to Primark/New Look/River Island/H&M.

Your daughter is a spendthrift and YOU'RE encouraging it.