Spendthrift daughter

[Zizzagaaaaah]

My daughter is 16 and has her own debit card which she has had for a few years
at the beginning of the year, I told her that I would be giving her, £85 per month to buy clothes with
Out of this, she pays for her Netflix subscription £5.99- I pay for her phone

She has a love of Brandy Melville clothes, which although aren't wildly expensive - they are pricier than some for bog-standard t-shirt

She needs clothes for college and has so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy.
each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

Today the postman delivered a package from boots with some bio-oil and dove face wash
She paid £3.50 for the delivery (We have a Lloyds chemist less than 5 min walk and boots and Superdrug in our local small town) We also get a weekly shop from Tesco (the bio-oil is £2.50 cheaper)

She doesn't even think about using her student discount and then moans that she doesn't have enough to buy the things she wants.

I've spoken to her many times but it's falling on deaf ears

I know this is small stuff but it's really starting to annoy me that she doesn't seem to care that she can save money every time she shops, either by waiting and buying more each time (instead of buying a single t-shirt and paying £3.50 to have it delivered) or going to the local shops

Do I ignore it and quietly seethe as it's her money and hopefully when she starts having to earn it herself the penny might drop?

All these claims that she’s “wasting money,” “frittering” and not capable of spending it “wisely.” That’s entirely down to individual opinion. There are plenty of people who consider cinema instead of tv, takeaway instead of home cooking, new clothes instead of charity shop and many other things to be completely wasteful.

The point isn’t what the parent would choose to spend it on, it’s that she’s being given this money to cover her wants (and quite a few needs). It’s really unfair to give it to her and then critique her spending choices because her mum wouldn’t have spent 3.50 on this or that! If she was buying cigarettes or booze I’d understand but I don’t know how so many people can get this aerated about a teenager spending her pocket money.

I wouldn't ignore her behaviour; I'd continue to try to teach her to budget, as it's an important life skill.

It might be tricky getting a part-time job right now, but I would also suggest she start looking, so that you can stop giving her over a grand a year to spend on clothes. It's very generous of you, but it's much easier to spend someone else's money than money you've had to earn yourself - especially when you know someone will be giving you more money the following month.

@C152H it's not on clothes only. It's all her clothes, toiletries, buss, lunches,socialising and netflix.

I think it’s out of order to reduce pocket money because you disapprove of it being spent on p&p. She’s not buying drugs or fags or booze; she’s just doing what teens do when they have disposable cash - spending it!

Like I said before, I would sit her down and talk through what she could be saving. Maybe encourage her to think twice and put money away - does she want to save for a car, for example? Try and get her to understand ‘delayed gratification’ by putting stuff in the basket and not buying till tomorrow.

Ultimately, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. So don’t wind yourself up about it - if she’s happy to forgo a cinema ticket and snacks because it’s been spent on delivery charges that’s her lookout.

Does she/has she had a summer job? Feel like she needs something or chores to earn the money a bit more.

I don’t think £85 is excessive to include all that. I’d tell her she’s wasting cash paying for postage but leave her to it. She’ll soon learn? Or she just won’t be able to afford the stuff she wants

Sorry, ComeOn, you're right - I didn't see that bit.

I still think budgeting is an important skill to teach anyone, and the younger they learn, the easier and more ingrained it becomes.

I also think it's important for teenagers to get a part time job, as it gives them their own money, helps teach them money management and often teaches them skills that will provide a good grounding for future employment.

My DD was exactly the same- she'd order single items whenever she fancied, pay extra for express delivery etc etc. Then she went to uni. Six months on a student loan and she's been back with us for lockdown (BF in tow) and now has a great understanding of where her money goes and what is good value, refuses to let her BF shop at Tesco rather than Aldi and knows where every penny is going.

Well it’s her mums opinion that it’s not being spent wisely. That’s why the thread exists.

It is really kind that you give her so much each month and must be very frustrating when she is spending £21 a month on shipping when she couldve just planned better and saved 5/6 of that. As first poster on here suggested, point out that £17.50 she could've saved could go towards another garment, a takeaway or even saved towards a longer term goal such as a fund for a car/uni/travel etc. Suggest she shop online every day if she wants to, but only clicks "buy" once a month.

I must have double skipped a page when the OP gave that update. It's still £85 where the teen has no value of money to a point where probably a quarter of it has gone on postage because she must have things now.

It doesn't do anyone any harm to learn the value of money, and that's not bitter or envy or jealousy or any of the other stock MN phrases used to dismiss people who challenge attitudes to money.

£85 a month on CLOTHES!!!! jesus mary and joseph. My DD is going to college in Sept. hasn't been able to work a summer job because of Covid and is (after rent and services) going to be looking to LIVE on that amount per month!

when she is spending £21 a month on shipping when she couldve just planned better and saved 5/6 of that

She had 6 clothes deliveries since April and the cosmetics.
That's not excessive .

Why not break it down to weekly that way she will have to save up if she wants anything costing more than £20.

Given she has to pay for her bus, lunches, toiletries etc out of £85 I don't think it is too much money at all.

Please try teach her to budget, it is such a valuable life skill. I would sit her down and talk through what she could be saving if she waited a while to order things together.

You mention she doesn't like using her student discount, why not get her to install the 'Honey' browser extension - it automatically finds/applies discounts for you on checkout pages. I use it a lot for clothes (New Look, H&M, Topshop, ASOS, PLT) and has saved me so much money with 0 effort.

Encourage her to get a part time job in a cafe or something. If she works out that £3.50 delivery charge = 20 minutes of work she might think twice.

Where are posters getting quarter of it and £21 a month from ? The OP posted:

so far since April has put in 6 separate orders with Brandy each time she has paid £3.50 shipping

So that’s £21 on shipping over three months.
£7 per month.

During a pandemic.

People would really nitpick their way through a 16 year olds spending/cut her allowance because she spent £7 per month that you would have spent differently?

Should she have spent it on chocolate and fizzy drinks instead or would that also cause her mother to seethe I wonder ? Would a couple of pizzas have been more acceptable?

It’s a complete non issue.

Where are posters getting quarter of it and £21 a month from ?

I assume it's because people see and read what they want to see.

16 yo
£85 a month
Clothes
Reckless spending.

Guilty. Case closed.

When I first read the thread, I was horrified about the wasted money. But, when I think back to when I was that age, I remember how I used to waste money on crap... because I could.

@ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble. Yes it’s all a bit cancel the cheque really.

Just leave her to it. Effective budgeting is still being happy with everything your slightly younger self bought at the end of the month. It's not the same thing as spending your disposable income the same way as your mother would.

If we hadn't had a pandemic, I think we can guarantee she would have spent more than the money she's spent on p&p on the high street on general impulse purchasing of bits and bobs. Just like the rest of us.

If she's been getting a bit of a lift during over 100 days of lockdown and being unable to see her friends from small individual orders, good for her.

And for crying out loud, OP, stop focusing on how local the shops are. Did you forget 'Stay At Home, Save Lives, Protect the NHS'? Of course your daughter has been having stuff delivered!

Technically a take-away is just as wasteful, you can eat for much less if you prepare it yourself. You also save money if you clean your own house, your own windows, your own car..

So what?

I don’t see what’s wrong with £85/month. In the mid 90s when I was 16 my allowance was £125/month plus I earned £100-150/month in a part time job. Life was good!

There's a competitive poverty always amusing on MN

I'm glad that other people's poverty amuses you. And FWIW, you saying that £85 every month on new clothes isn't that much is one of the many reasons why our planet is dying. You don't need the "luxury or relatives for hand me downs. Charity shops work perfectly well for that.

I'm not saying people aren't allowed to buy new clothes. Do whatever you want. But don't be so smug about the fact that buy so many new clothes so frequently what others so without or get secondhand.

*whilst others do without!

Why do I never see these typos until after I got post