No baby gifts from my parents

[Peridotty]

How would you feel if you didn’t receive any baby gifts from your parents? No card or gifts. We haven’t seen my parents yet with our 4 week old. We also didn’t receive any wedding gifts from them either.

On the other hand, my husbands family has been v generous. They haven’t been able to visit us, but have given collectively £4000 to put in the baby’s bank account. Also cards from his side of the family.

I feel a bit awkward that my husbands family gives us so much (and they gave us loads for our wedding too-£15,000) whereas mine doesn’t give us anything.

Should I ask for a card? Is that being grabby. Thanks !

Of course it's not grabby and I find it hard to believe a poster above said they didn't know it was a "thing". Of course it's a "thing"...birthdays, weddings, births, deaths...they're all "things" that you give cards to acknowledge the occasion

After all, friends, neighbours, colleagues even, generally buy something for a new baby.

Neighbours? Really?

I presume, as you’ve known them all your life, you’ll have an idea already of the ways in which your parents behave.
How about as a child, did you feel they spent less on you then? Are they a bit eccentric?

I'm shocked at some of the replies I do not think you are being materialistic at all..

I buy a card and a gift for all friends / families that have babies

Your in laws sound wonderful not because of the money gifts but because of the fact they show so much interest . I'm sorry your parents are less interested.

Next time you talk to your mum could you
make a subtle hint and tell her how excited you are to make baby a book with all the lovely cards you got?

@DuineArBith

Yes I wanted to ask for a card because I wanted it as a keepsake for my baby. I know we would love to look back at these cards in the future.

I'm afraid he really wouldn't. No children ever have displayed the least interest in the cards their parents received when they were born.

How can you possibly know whether every other person in the world would or wouldn't do? I have absolutely looked at my parent's new baby cards, my 1st birthday, their wedding album etc. I'm sure many people enjoy learning about their own family history.

It's not nice really, but are they lovely and caring in other ways? My in laws don't buy our son anything unless it's birthday or Christmas and even then I've had to send them the excalt link to the gift on amazon, and it's always just that one gift that I've said never anything extra, no baby clothes or toys when he was little, but I think there just like that, they also don't offer to baby sit or seem very natural with him at all, it's all very stilted. So if your folks are kind and easy to get on with I'd let the card go, and congratulations, makes me sad that these are the only grand parents my boy has, my mum would of spolit him rotton, I find there company draining so I can't see them having a close bond really.

My first baby everyone went mental, everything was bought for the baby. The car seat, the cot bed, chest of drawers, pram, clothes and I was grateful. Although I really wanted to pick my own pram, but never mind!
Just had my second and not even a card from grandparents on either side. I don’t really expect a lot but a card and a small gift to acknowledge her would of been nice. My sil hasn’t even said a word to me since she was born. How long does it take to say congratulations, I hope that you and baby are alright.
I mostly feel bad for my daughter, but maybe It’s just a blip because of the whole Covid situation, I don’t know.
However me and her dad will give her the world so it’s fine.

I love these threads which has no connection to real life whatsoever. Of course it is entirely normal for parents to buy gifts for their newborn grandchildren. I have friends across the wealth spectrum and all have recieved something.

More of this weird, mn competitive 'you must do everything for yourself and dont you dare expect anyone you know to take the slightest interest in your life'.

YANBU

Some mn posters like to act as if they’re in the own personal Yorkshireman sketch, ‘we never had anything, no one got us anything, not even a lump of coal, didn’t even know there was such a thing as a card’.

This.

Of course you should expect some kind of acknowledgment from your parents on the birth of their grandchild - it's absolutely the norm.

Luckily you have some lovely sounding in laws.

After your updates I think the picture is clearer that your DM and DF do not have a tradition of sending cards and gifts and may even be a bit thoughtless and dare I say unusual. Did you get gifts as a child for birthday, Xmas?

No point asking for a card but have you ever spoken to them about this lack of kind gestures? Can't blame them for not visiting another country at the moment but not to acknowledge a major life event of your child is strange.

My parents never gave presents or cards if any description once I’d left home at 18. If I hadn’t appeared at their door with a card and gift in hand my mid morning on one of their “special days” though my brother would be on the phone warning that they were moaning about my lack of respect!

When my neighbour had a baby, almost the whole street bought a card/gift for her. I find it all kinds of wrong the grandparents didn't get a card or a gift - bizarre actually.
Are they Jehovahs witnesses or some other religion that doesn't "do" birthdays?

I understand OP, do you feel a bit embarrassed that your husbands family is kind and thoughtful but yours aren’t and a bit upset like they don’t seem bothered?

My husbands Mum and Dad never bought my youngest son anything it really upset me, she’s a keen knitter but didn’t even bother making a blanket, but a girl at her stables had a baby and she made them a whole carrier bag of clothes. It hurt really badly, but now I know not to be as bothered about them, ‘reap what you sow’

One wonders why your parents had children at all - they certainly don’t seem to give a shit about you or their grandchild, and are completely wrapped up in their own selfish lives.
OP, you can’t change them into normal loving parents. You can only change your reaction to them. Stop caring what they do or don’t do. Don’t bother contacting them. Follow their example and just live your own life. This should be easy, as you are on different continents and have a supportive DH and inlaws. Your parents sound like they abrogated all family responsibility long ago. They can reap the consequences of that.

I was a member of an NCT group before DS1 was born, we were all very friendly when the course was finished and it was very exciting to meet all the new babies. All the other grandmothers bought the "pram" and/or nursery furniture. My mother knitted a not very nice jacket and gave me £10 for his savings account. I never really understood this, she was very close to him all through his childhood but also quite stingy. I tried not to let it bother me but it was always one of those things that came to mind. She and my father were both alive when we got married and they were very generous then.

My parents did send a card, but nothing else. They very rarely get anything for my children. They also don't often make contact to find out how they are, or to arrange video chats. My in laws are the opposite- lavish them with gifts, money, attention.

I think it is partly due to different attitudes in different families - my DH's family are big on gifts and my family have never been that way. But I do think part of it is just being a bit mean spirited.

Grabby to expect a card and maybe a bib or babygrow on the birth of your baby! wow! Ignoring the wealth of your in-laws - I would feel very hurt! I don't have kids and probably won't but all of my friends pregnancies, family, and even my partners friends we have sent at least a card and most often a small gift!

The only difference I can see here is that you are in a different country from your parents and they could possibly get something when you see each other.

I didn't see this, it's quite possible that they couldn't send anything. I've been trying to send a birthday card and present to my sister who lives in eastern europe and I've been told in no uncertain terms that there will no post arriving anytime soon. All the parcels and cards are taking around three months to process over there because of coronavirus and most aren't turning up at all.
I ordered a wooden statue off etsy around 2 months ago from Russia and it hasn't turned up yet. The seller said she sent it the same day but typically her items are taking around 3 months to get through to the buyer.

I saw my friend and her 4 month old baby for the first time last week. I took him a present then.
I think its normal to buy a present slightly later. My mum got me a moving in present 2 years after I moved in. (She was waiting for my partners dog to pass away first as the dog was incontinent.) He dumped me and took the dog with him in january so my mum went straight out and got me the present. (A beautiful cream sofa).
So your parents may be waiting to get you something practical at a later date or they may be in the camp of people who think adults should pay for everything themselves. I dont agree with that but a lot of people do...
Congrats on the baby.

I didn’t think we got baby gifts or cards as such from my mum or my in-laws. To my mind our having babies was as much of a wonderful life event for them as it was for us so I wouldn’t expect them to send us a baby card anymore than I sent them a grandparent card (something I do do for friends who become GPs).

That being said, both sets of parents have given us and our children generous cash gifts over the years. My mum has given more because she has more.

My in laws bought us the cot before the baby was born but I don’t think they gave us a card. We did get cards in the post from people we weren’t seeing immediately after the birth but we saw in laws the day after we got out of hospital so no need for one. My mum didn’t give me a card or presents, but she doesn’t have much money and I wouldn’t have expected it. Instead she came to stay and helped looked after me and the baby which was amazing.

OP you shouldn’t compare them to your in laws because they’re clearly in an completely different financial position. Their behaviour now is also completely in character so I guess you shouldn’t be surprised, though it is disappointing. Perhaps they will give a gift when they meet the baby - I usually do this with friends.

So your new in laws have spent collectively about a quarter of a million pound on you? Maybe your parents thought a £3 card and teddy from Asda would just be seen as a bigger insult. Wait til you seen them, they may have bought you a Ferrari! with a card in it. Or have I read the thread wrong? Probably have:)

I don’t think it’s grabby or obsessed with money to expect something from your parents on the birth of your child. Obviously if the OPs parents were living in a squat on universal credit she wouldn’t be expecting anything extravagant, but presumably she knows her parents situation and knows a card is within their means (you can buy a card for 29p in Home Bargains!)

My situation is the same, in laws are very generous, don’t like to see us go without whereas my parents are sitting on a couple of decent inheritances and watch us struggling to pay for childcare with not much spare cash and will ‘take us out for lunch’ and expect us to get the bill or expect us to lick their feet with gratitude for £20 in DDs bank account at Christmas.

The PIL gave £1000, my husbands aunt gave £1000, brother £1000 and his uncle gave £1000. wasnt all from my PIL. I think they want us to invest the money into a baby's trust fund.

I've never heard of anything like this!!! Are they all extremely rich?
I do think your parents should definitely have given some sort of baby gift, yes, that's just good manners.
But I'm absolutely baffled by the monetary gifts you mention!

My parents have always bought a gift for my babies, usually clothes. In this pregnancy, as I'm so far away from my parents and they've not been able to see us, my Mum has periodically sent parcels of clothes, a bouncy chair etc. which I presume is her way of being involved, which is lovely. My MIL will probably not even send a card once baby is here. Last time they came to see baby when he was about 6 weeks old, shoved a Tesco carrier bag of a single blue vest at me, stayed for about an hour and then left.
People are different. And of course you can't ask for a card, it would be meaningless. You just need to accept the differences.