Putting his hands around my neck... 3 strikes and you’re out?

[Smellbellina]

He has done it twice so far, only left red marks. I have told people, they have asked I call police and given me details of a solicitor. I have a 3 strikes option in my head, this was strike 2, I have told more people this time (including his family) mine don’t like my position but accept it and have offered to pay for a solicitor.
3 strikes, AIBU?
I haven’t name changed for this as I don’t see why I should, it’s not my dirty secret to keep.

Oh FFS my link didn't work. Google 'counting dead women'.

He might kill you, the third time.

If I knew you or your dd in real life I'd be phoning the police and social services now. You're not protecting you're dd and risk losing her.
You can move out, get a possession order on your house and move cackling not and he has to move out. Or you have to rent. But I bet your dd will be a lot happier.

Once. One time and you call the police and he goes to jail. One time.

He could kill you the next time.

www.ncdv.org.uk/are-you-suffering-domestic-abuse/how-the-law-can-protect-you/
I'm assuming as you are posting here, you have internet access that is safe from him
(if you are not sure about this, use a friend's phone)
you can get an injunction preventing him coming near you
you can also prevent him coming to the property

how many strikes does he get with the dog? I know it is irrational but I feel so bloody sorry for that dog. He has no agency or voice or anything- stuck in that house probably loving him as well as the rest of you and the bastard strangles him and you tolerate it and let your children see it - who the hell knows how they will turn out if this is their normal life, seeing a dog and their mother being abused. I know this is your husband's fault/violence but come on - you are the only other adult here. use your real life support. Tell your sister to tell her dh and ask for help.

I never post on these type of threads but this is absolutely terrifying and in front of your DD and even the poor dog gets abused. Contact Women's Aid, the police, whoever you can to help you but GET OUT NOW whilst you and the children are still alive to do so. I'd rather be homeless on the streets than put my children though that

@Smellbellina
I totally understand your concerns. You have no idea how common it is for women to stay in abusive homes because of money or lifestyle reasons. People can judge all they like, but they don't get it till they've been in that situation.

I fled last year and ended up in emergency accommodation. I'm not going to lie, it was awful. I ended up in this hostel (not a refuge, I couldn't get a position because I work full time) for families of women fleeing abuse.

But a year on, my career is massively improving. I've just got a massive promotion at a new company that I love and they are already talking about promoting me further. I moved closer to my family for more support and my MH has improved and I'm now no longer on meds 😁. I am doing a masters and I'm searching for a house. I'm searching for a house to buy with my divorce settlement because I hired a shit hot solicitor. I have had another relationship with a very good man who has showed me that there are decent guys out there.

Leaving is not easy, and staying gone is harder still. You can actually get an order to make him move out. You will be able to speak to the council or the DV helpline to talk you through that. I also got SS involved, and I know they get a bad rep on here, but my daughter's social worker really helped and she had my back 100%. She even came down to the council with me when I wanted to get rehomed and helped me say all the buzzwords to get a roof.

Every now and again there is a report on the news about a woman who has been murdered by her partner.

When I see those reports I sometimes wonder whether the woman ever posted on here or elsewhere asking for help and advice, and was told over and over again that her life was in danger and she had to escape as soon as possible. But she couldn't bring herself to leave and gave him just one more chance...

Please don't let that be you.

Op, please, please get out while you still can. Your poor daughter, and poor dog. This is not normal ( that’s why I asked previous question) you are worth so much more, you all deserve to live without fear. Sending love x💐

You have worked in this area, OP?

Then you must know the risks, to you, to your daughter, and even to your pet.

You must know that your child is experiencing domestic abuse, and that this is a safeguarding issue. That you will be seen as unable to protect her if you do not act to change the situation.

You must know that Womens Aid and local Domestic Abuse charities support people in your position, and that they will do in with discretion and putting your safety first. The police have specialist domestic abuse teams, too, who work carefully and discreetly.

You could potentially apply to the courts for an Occupation Order, which gives you the right to live in the home (without him) for a period of time. If this is something you wish to consider, get legal advice immediately. You would also need to apply for a Non-Molestation Order to prevent him coming near to your home or contacting you.

But you might be safer to leave the home with your child (and your pet). The agencies will help you to do this quickly and safely.

What would you tell your daughter if she was in this position? To take a chance that the next one won't kill her? Bear in mind that if she grows up believing that this is normal, you may have to.

I loathe victim blaming but FFS @Smellbellina

You need to put a stop to this shit now
As in this very moment.

Your poor poor children, I feel sick thinking about what they are growing up with. If you can't get out for you, please do it for them.

I can tell you now for truth that yes I would choose rented accommodation and maybe sub standard accomodation to exposing my child to extreme abuse, a threat to their safety, my death and probably theire. I am so very sorry you are in this situation but you need to stop waiting for someone to rescue you and do something about it yourself. Your poor poor children, I hope someone does call social services and they take your children somewhere safe

Make sure you report it as it’ll help you in the future re contact.

Don’t show him this thread. Don’t let him know it exists. Don’t underestimate him- he is capable of hurting you or dd badly.

Prepare in secret. Bring the bare minimum, send someone else (a man) for the rest. Get out. Don’t tell him where you are. Don’t go on social media.

Give your dog to a friend if possible, dogstrust (etc) if not.

Get out- whatever you need to do, do it.

He says he can watch my internet access I don’t know if that’s true and I don’t be leave he does or there would have been hell to pay before now! He turns it off when I annoy him sometimes. I only have access to WiFi so if he turns it off I have nothing but can use the DC’s phone. I can call 999 off my phone I think but not 101.
I really hope my DBil reports for me but I don’t know if he will.

*believe

Does he know about your three strike rule?
It is ridiculously dangerous! Maybe next time he will feel like he has nothing to lose by finishing you off because you've told him you will leave him anyway!

If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your children. They must be terrified!

I have a bad feeling your just going to stay though

Honestly? I don’t want to go in rented accommodation again.

This is the reason that came to your mind first when asked why you don't stay.

Instead of going into rented accommodation you are teaching your ten year old daughter that this is what a relationship looks like.

Relationship modelling from our parents is THE key shaping influence for our own relationships.

Not only is he seven times more likely to murder you, you are both displaying unbelievably damaging behaviour to your child.

He physically abuses you and the dog. He is emotionally abusing your children by doing this in front of him.

The responsibility for parenting shouldn't fall solely to you in an ideal world but at the moment you are not protecting your children.

Please, please, please leave.

Best case scenario your child is damaged and likely to be in abusive relationships and you will be abused for the rest of your life. That's best case scenario.

Put your daughter first, someone has to.

erm what youre worried about renting-what about dieing? how will your daughter cope

'Three strikes' my arse. You should have left him at the first sorry attempt. Kick him out, go yourself, stop seeing him. He could easily kill you.

You have children? Fuck! Get him out double quick. I do know children whose dad is in prison for killing their mum - not a good situation at all. Being poor isn't nice but it beats being dead.

You're scared OP but you need to get out, for you DD and dog if that helps (sometimes I feel stronger if I tell myself I'm doing sthg for my children). You have a duty to her, to protect her but also she needs you alive! I'm upset for you and her, but also really am for your poor dog. Bastard. You can do this, you really can.

Are you fucking simple this thread makes me so angry. You are being abused by a man in front of your daughter God knows what problems and issues your daughter will have in the future. If you don't have any respect or love yourself at least love your children by getting out of there now

You seem quite confused about your rights - you need the police, you need an occupation order or you can get a refuge place. You can call the National Domestic Violence helpline and ask for help tomorrow: www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

But you can't put your DD through this, that's not ok, whatever you are going through, you seem to be able to rationalise it, and you've told people, so you must be able to leave the house or use the phone?

Oh and take the dog to a rehoming centre, or ask the NDVH about dog rehoming schemes for domestic violence victims. You need to get a grip for the sake of your child.

You can email 101.