Putting his hands around my neck... 3 strikes and you’re out?

[Smellbellina]

He has done it twice so far, only left red marks. I have told people, they have asked I call police and given me details of a solicitor. I have a 3 strikes option in my head, this was strike 2, I have told more people this time (including his family) mine don’t like my position but accept it and have offered to pay for a solicitor.
3 strikes, AIBU?
I haven’t name changed for this as I don’t see why I should, it’s not my dirty secret to keep.

I'm so glad you're out of the house Smellbellina, with Dd and Ddog. You've achieved so much this week, you're amazing. It sounds from your post as if the school is supporting you through it too, which is great news. How are you feeling? And how is Dd too? Hope you both manage to get a good night's sleep. Sending strength and

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that you are all out of there, including your canine friend.

Smellbellina I haven’t been able to get you and your family out of my mind. You’ve never been irritating - I know how hard it is to give up a certain kind of life - I was financially & socially well off. Not doing too badly these days though, either
Reading between the lines I think you too are exchanging some material comfort in order to gain Freedom. I wouldn’t use the words “giving up” because they imply loss. You’re gaining here, you’re starting another chapter but it’s all gain.

It’s also obvious to me that there all kinds of complications in your life with people that you and your abuser have in common, and how you both earn your living, which is why you have to be careful what you say.

I’m so relieved that you have the extended family (parents, sister) that you have and that you can retain some creature comforts in this transitional period of your life. I can hear you gathering your anger in your last couple of posts. That’s a good sign, as you know.
🍷for you
🍭 for the kids
🍪 dog biscuits for the hound.

Can I just clarify I badly worded my post. When I said that the OP may not be telling the whole truth I did not mean that she may be lying about the situation, I should have said that it did not read as if she was telling us an accurate account of her interaction with the Police Officer. I am just horrified that someone in my profession would overlook such a blatently high risk situation. Please accept my apologies OP.

Glad you clarified your post @Desmondo2016.
Much needed clarification, imo.
Well done

Smellbellina so pleased to hear that you are out of the house and the wheels are in motion to keep you and your children (and ddog) safe.

So glad that important people in rl have more understanding of what you've been going through.

Take very good care of yourself.

What if the third strike leaves you dead? I can’t believe what I’m reading, you need to get rid now before it’s to late.

@allyouneedis What if the third strike leaves you dead? I can’t believe what I’m reading, you need to get rid now before it’s to late

Ha a much needed bit of comic relief! You were trying to be funny weren't you? It wasn't like you just read the first post and skipped straight to the end?

@Smellbellina fantastic work!!!! You are all safe now and it won't be long before you can all breathe. Just in time for the end of lockdown and what usually passes for summer.

Think about how wonderful it will be to be free of him. Don't look back, if you can, look forward into an amazing future. And buy a fucking good cctv system. and a taser from the dark web

I can only half agree with you on the women’s refuge. It’s not exactly pleasant, but to us it was a godsend. I’ll never stop being thankful for it.

I am so glad you are not with that man at the moment, OP. A year from now you’ll look back and not believe you hesitated to take this step. We’re rooting for you.

Please ignore the final para of my last post (about tenancy issues) - I was confusing two similar threads. But the rest of what I said stands.

It's a huge step, leaving a known situation with known dangers that you are sort of managing, in favour of an unknown, uncertain and possibly further away from you and your DCs' support.

I'm really glad, hang in there. You're well on the way.

I'm so glad you are safe, @Smellbellina.

There are indeed trolls on this thread, but they are not the OP. The worst thing that can happen on a creative writing thread is that people will be taken in. But if someone does happen to be posting in good faith, and is in desperate need of help, the cost to them could be incalculable.

It sadly no longer surprises me that people will sink so low as this.

@Smellbellina so glad to hear you're out of there, well done

I have only read the first post, but honestly one strike is too much. It's obviously not shocked them into never doing it again, so they will continue and it may get worse.Run for the hills. I'm glad you have told people

Mama it's good etiquette to read the thread rather than decide the OP's later posts aren't worth your time reading. Especially when there's over 600 posts.

Well done for getting out of there, @Smellbellina

So glad you have got out. Pleased the school was able to offer perspective & support too.

But I do think there will be a next time, so I’m not sure what I am waiting for

Oh lovely, we read about frogs being boiled slowing and not struggling to get free, bunnies getting mesmerised in the headlights.

The first 'strike' was your wake up call. Here are 100% or replies in MN telling you to get out. Even calling it a strike is minimising.

Get yourself some support in real life, make a plan and get out.

Knowing there will be a next time, is no way to live. All my very best

I saw a DC today, talked about our relationship etc and did the risk assessment but refused to make a statement.
I spoke to friends/family this evening and realised he will never have to acknowledge that he can’t do this unless I actually, formally, speak for myself instead of keep hoping someone else will do it for me. The only other option is to wait for a worse situation to occur, and why would you?
So I messaged the officer to say I had changed my mind and I wanted to make a statement, I also sent her photos i took just after it happened.
I felt really relieved after I had done it, but she said it will take a few hours and now I am dreading how much history they will want me to dredge up, I would really rather just stick to the last time.
Anyway, whatever, I am going to make a statement tomorrow and I think I am glad I finally am, I hope I have made the right decision but I have to say it, I am scared.

Smellbellina that is so, so brave of you. It must be so traumatic thinking about dredging up things from your past that are so upsetting, but they're in you anyway, you're living with them every day. If you get them out in a statement, they have the power to help you and your children to become safer.

It's completely normal to worry whether you're doing the right thing. Once you set the wheels in motion with the police, as you know, it makes it real. Which is why it's so painful.

Can someone go with you to make your statement?

Guessing from what you have said, before, that is even braver than the usual level of bravery for you to speak out.
Really really brave of you.

You are a brave woman.

@Smellbellina that’s brilliant. You’re so strong and you will be fine.

You are so brave

When making your statement, if you have any others photos etc please provide these also.

It does take a while to make a statement and it can be quite draining.
Is there something you can do to treat yourself before and after?
Do you like doodling or a nice bath or watching animal videos on youtube?

Oh wow @Smellbellina you are an absolute hero. Well done for calling the D.C. that’s such an important step. You are doing exactly the right thing. Today is going to be hard, but it is the only way to protect your family and it’s absolutely the right thing to do.

Be kind to yourself. Do what you need to to get through this next bit. Just look at how far you’ve come in only a few days. You’ve had some great advice here, but it’s you who has taken it and that takes incredible strength. You are so much stronger than you feel and so much more powerful than your ex will ever be.

Keep going