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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Putting his hands around my neck... 3 strikes and you’re out?

883 replies

Smellbellina · 28/06/2020 22:03

He has done it twice so far, only left red marks. I have told people, they have asked I call police and given me details of a solicitor. I have a 3 strikes option in my head, this was strike 2, I have told more people this time (including his family) mine don’t like my position but accept it and have offered to pay for a solicitor.
3 strikes, AIBU?
I haven’t name changed for this as I don’t see why I should, it’s not my dirty secret to keep.

OP posts:
TessoftheDobermans · 30/06/2020 12:10

Thanks Mary and Smellbellina for the Flowers, it was bad at the time but I just look forwards now.

You've shown amazing courage and fortitude in doing what you believed to be right by your children but I am glad that you are now seeing that he can't give them the childhood they need(ed) and that you can't change that. I'm going to work now, but best of luck with your plans for the rest of the day. And some more Flowers

destinasia · 30/06/2020 12:18

Keep going. Leave today while you still feel like this, before he convinces you that he loves you and needs you again.

Flyingf1edgelings · 30/06/2020 12:25

No way should you have stayed after the 1st. 3rd strike could be the last and the last of you I'm sorry to sound blunt. He is a bad bastard!

Ginkypig · 30/06/2020 12:54

You know everything that people are telling you (except to cope you have to tell yourself it's not as bad as the truth) because it's quite obvious from your posts that you are an interesting and intelligent woman and in other circumstances I can see you being a force of nature! and I really do believe that you are starting to see the clouds lifting.
but you can't do this on your own not because you are not capable but because he (in his warped view) doesn't see you as someone he needs to listen to or respect so you need backup from people he can't ignore and will have the power to enact if something happens that ends up with you unable to reach out to tell someone what happened.

In this case I think it's going to be the pc, you need to take your bravery pills and just be really honest. Don't hide things and don't minimise things because it's embarrassing or humiliating just tell them everything and then ask them to help you because you can't get out yourself and you are worried he is going to go "too" far soon.

You can do this, I promise because nothing is more important than you and your family being safe.

SunshineCake · 30/06/2020 12:58

Thank goodness you are alive.

picklemewalnuts · 30/06/2020 13:03

That's a good post! Good luck with the PC.
I hope between the police and solicitor you get what you need.

flirtygirl · 30/06/2020 16:19

Hope it goes well with the Pc. Ask about a non molestation order and how to stay in the house. They can help him stay away from the house.

Sending you good luck vibes Smellbelina

flirtygirl · 30/06/2020 16:20

Sorry Smellbelina missed an l above.

flirtygirl · 30/06/2020 16:20

Then did it again, I give up now...

LakieLady · 30/06/2020 16:38

Hope you're with that PC right now, OP and that they are able to help you. Solicitor likewise.

When you posted re your mum's yesterday, I thought you'd gone there to stay until he was gone from the house, I had no idea you were intending to go back. I was a bit Shock.

I'm willing the PC and solicitor to come up with steps where he can be removed from the house and never allowed back!

Original poster
Smellbellina · 30/06/2020 18:08

Spoken to PC, solicitor and DD’s school. Also made an application for housing so overall I think a good day!

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 30/06/2020 18:18

Very good day!

How did it go with the pc?

averysuitablegirl · 30/06/2020 18:22

Good to hear Smellbellina!

Are you safe for tonight?

picklemewalnuts · 30/06/2020 18:41

Well done Smellbelina!

That feels really positive.

Was there any talk of a way you could stay put with the children, and him moving out?

ShandlersWig · 30/06/2020 19:19

I'm new to the tread but so pleased youve taken action. You can do this!

Vodkacranberryplease · 30/06/2020 19:40

Gosh you must feel so relieved. What a GREAT day! Well done you!!! Flowers

Eveta · 30/06/2020 19:41

Well done. Have you found somewhere else to live in the meantime? Really hope so.

EwwSprouts · 30/06/2020 19:42

Well done for taking multiple steps. I'm sure you're shattered but a good day indeed!

DivGirl · 30/06/2020 19:48

Well done for speaking to the police. A friend/colleague (work friend) was murdered by her partner a year and a half ago. He strangled her. She was only 35.

Well done on taking steps to survive this, you should be so proud of yourself.

LakieLady · 30/06/2020 19:55

Wow, you have been busy, OP!

What did the PC say? Are they putting a marker on the address or anything?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/06/2020 20:05

Sounds like a hugely positive day. Please just be so careful now. This transitional stage can be really dangerous.

Dartsplayer · 30/06/2020 20:26

Wow OP, you're amazing. Lots of positive action today. You should be so proud of yourself. I hope you are somewhere safe tonight

Honeyroar · 30/06/2020 20:30

I hope you feel really proud of yourself. Save that feeling for when you’re having a wobble.

Ishihtzuknot · 30/06/2020 20:37

Great news OP you should be really proud of yourself for what you have already achieved, keep being positive and look to your new future without him, you can do it Flowers

destinasia · 30/06/2020 21:21

That really made me smile 😊

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