Putting his hands around my neck... 3 strikes and you’re out?

[Smellbellina]

He has done it twice so far, only left red marks. I have told people, they have asked I call police and given me details of a solicitor. I have a 3 strikes option in my head, this was strike 2, I have told more people this time (including his family) mine don’t like my position but accept it and have offered to pay for a solicitor.
3 strikes, AIBU?
I haven’t name changed for this as I don’t see why I should, it’s not my dirty secret to keep.

I am so worried about you *@Smellbellina but much more about your child and dog as they can't help themselves. My parents put themselves before me for something much less dangerous to me but has had a life long negative affect and I ill never recover. Please get the fuck out now or you might lose your child never mind your life.

He did it front of your daughter?! Get out. Please please please get out. Unless you want this for her future too?

why 3 strikes? should have left after the 1st one.

He did it infront of DD10!

Jesus OP do you want her to grow up thinking that it's ok for Men to treat her like that? That she should just accept it, forgive him and wait for the next time? Get out NOW before he kills you.

Have you gone to your mum's place OP?

Yes I went to my mums and have contacted the solicitor to make an appointment.
I also had a little talk to DD, she didn’t see when he put his hands around my neck as before that he went to stomp on the plants I had recently planted and at that point I asked her to go upstairs and find my phone for me. Not that it matters really, but I am a little relieved I had the sense to direct her somewhere else, I hadn’t remembered.

Well done for taking those first steps and phoning the solicitor from your mum's and reaching out to your work. I hope you can start to feel that there is a way out with the support and advice you will get from your mum, sister & BIL and the solicitor

Well done OP. I am so relieved. This misrey for you and DC must end today. Don't fall for his sweet words and false promises.. Don't ever consider getting back with him. Ever. It will most probably be fatal next time. I am so proud of you for what you have achieved. Keep going until he is out of your life x

@crosseyedMary

When someone puts his hands around your throat he is deliberately putting himself in a position where one slight lapse in his self control will result in your death he is doing this in situation where he knows he's angry and his ability to control his anger is hanging by a thread Putting his hands around your throat like this is a bit like dangling you over a cliff, he is daring himself to kill you and each time he does it he gets closer to the final tiny loss of control that will result in your death He has you completely under his control a hairs breadth away from death and he is enjoying that sense of power and control.

This is it. Spot on. This is exactly what they are doing. The daring themselves bit really struck a chord with me.

She sees enough Smellbellina.

OP I suggest you contact Rights of Women or FLOWS for free legal advice. They can organise the legal options free of charge.

Or the NCDV

Are you at your mum's now, OP? I hope so, and I hope you'll be able to stay there a while.

You may start to feel a bit weird and wobbly, and maybe weepy, too. This is something that often happens after a crisis or trauma, and is down to something to do with elevated adrenalin levels reverting to normal that I can't entirely remember the details of.

Anyway, it's nothing to worry about and it will pass in a few hours, so don't panic if it does happen, just do something that's soothing and try and relax.

You know that you've done the right thing for you and for your DC. If you start to have doubts, just come on here and you'll get all the reassurance you need!

Thank you @1235kbm that’s really helpful.

@LakieLady that was how I felt this morning! Now I just feel dazed and very tired.

I dread the thought of having to talk to him, I have realised I simply have nothing to say, there is no point.

@Smellbellina trauma is also exhausting in a proper bone weary way like nothing else. Take some time to reset, speak to solicitor and you don't have to speak to him at all.

Well done OP, you've done the right thing, so relieved to get to the end of this thread and find out you're now safe. You deserve much better.

Well done OP! We are all so proud of you. You are taking steps and I get how tired you must feel.

You don't need to speak to him. Ever again. You don't owe him that. Someone else can tell him whatever he needs to be told.

Well done, well done, well done. Keep going. You are on your way. Stick with it.... we are here for you. Xxxxx

Very well done @Smellbellina

I have read this thread from the very first and must admit that I despaired for you and your daughter, because I didn't think you'd be able to find the mental energy to get out and to a safe place. I'm so very glad you have - please, this time, STAY AWAY from this very dangerous man. Listen to, and take advice from, all those - including the professionals, who will help you you both safe.

My very best wishes for a calmer, more peaceful and happier life.

I just wanted to applaud 👏🏻 👏🏻
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 the posters who gave such good advice and shared their experiences. Brave people, each of you. 🌹

There is not an acceptable number of times to do that above zero. YABU even to be considering staying after he's done it twice.

You will get legal aid for the solicitor fee if you report the abuse to the police.

I hope that no matter how hard it must be right now and how sad/confused/scared you must be that the thought of never having to face strike 3 is enough to keep you going through this 🙏🏼 good luck xx

Throttling you is so much more dangerous than punching you in the face or pushing you down the stairs. Those might result in bruises or broken bones, but you'll probably be alive. If he throttles you long enough you will stop breathing and lose consciousness. Could you then rely on him to resuscitate you or call an ambulance to help, or would he leave you to die? What would happen to your DD do if you died at his hands, or if you were left brain-damaged and disabled?

You don't have to talk to him. Not ever. Not unless you choose to. Let your solicitor spell it out.

Social worker here if it makes a difference, anyway I work frequently with women experiencing domestic violence and abuse. Hands around neck is a very high risk indicator of death or serious injury to follow.

It is not over the top to say third time round you might die. Two women a week die at the hands of a violent partner or ex partner and leaving or making it known you might leave is a very dangerous time.

I’ve had a chance to go back and more clearly read all the posts, I just wanted to say from the bottom of my heart thank you.
Some in particular have posted a number of times, I want you to know it has made a difference.

You're doing great, keep going x