Putting his hands around my neck... 3 strikes and you’re out?

[Smellbellina]

He has done it twice so far, only left red marks. I have told people, they have asked I call police and given me details of a solicitor. I have a 3 strikes option in my head, this was strike 2, I have told more people this time (including his family) mine don’t like my position but accept it and have offered to pay for a solicitor.
3 strikes, AIBU?
I haven’t name changed for this as I don’t see why I should, it’s not my dirty secret to keep.

What will be different about the 3rd time? Other than the fact you might not have an option of a 4th.

This is really upsetting, is there anywhere the kids and the abused dog can go to live instead of in that hellhole? They’ll need intense therapy to lead a somewhat normal life, and no dog should be getting attacked, can you get an animal charity to find a loving home for it to recover and live safely?

@GarlicMcAtackney

This is really upsetting, is there anywhere the kids and the abused dog can go to live instead of in that hellhole? They’ll need intense therapy to lead a somewhat normal life, and no dog should be getting attacked, can you get an animal charity to find a loving home for it to recover and live safely?

You speak a lot of sense 🙌🏼

Get out OP. 3 strikes?! If a man did this to me once that would be one times too many. Have some love and respect for your self and your precious life and get away from this man as fast as you can. Don’t wait around for him to kill you.

It may well be three strikes and YOU are out, do not take that risk.

Where will your children live when you are dead and their dad is in prison? How stable do you think their lives will be then?

I don't want to sound harsh but hands on neck is the domestic violence most likely to lead to death and you need to realise that right now, not when it happens again.

Some of these stories are really sad.

Anyway OP - you really shouldn't come here and say you feel like telling posters to fuck off when every single one of them is saying you need to GET OUT, think of your life, your DC, your pet.

What did you want everyone to say. Everyone cares. but no one has a magic wand to make his stop this. It is YOU that have to get out.

Would you not having given this advice to people you have allegedly helped?

You lost me at not wanting to be in rented accommodation.
Choice:
a) rented accommodation, alive, DC safe
b) stay, beaten up or worse, traumatised DC, potentially dead dog.

Doesn't seem a choice to me.....

I haven't read any "snidey comments" or any "sanctimoneous claptrap" on this thread - just women seriously concerned about the OP and her children who are responding to the OP's plea for them to help her make changes.

I cannot understand someone reading the responses here and taking the time to call posters snidey and sanctimoneous. bad form.

I think this is the most disturbing post I've ever read on here. And then posters who are rightly horrified at the OPs reasoning for staying are getting called sanctimonious!

Smellbellina - you know deep down this talk of three strikes isn't right. Please dont let your children see their mum or their dog being hurt or even killed by this monster, their young minds will be damaged for life.

I can understand giving a second chance...once, whilst absolutely not okay, could be completely out of character and shock him by making him realise he has just lost it badly enough to attempt murder (sorry, but why else would you do that?)

But if no real remorse shown, no steps to change, and then a second time...no way would we still be in the same house. You and your children deserve to be physically and emotionally safe.

Sorry OP but I have to say I think you're completely wrong on this one. Please do not wait around for him to do it again. As PP's have said, the 3rd time could kill you. Leave ASAP.

Wow. It’s a one strike and out occurrence. I’m horrified you think him repeating his actions is fine. What if he keeps squeezing next time? Or decides to see how far he can push you?

I posted my reply after reading just the first page. I can’t believe that you have a daughter and a dog. For fucks sake, step up as a mother and protect them both. Get them somewhere safe away from this monster!!

I was a little girl who saw her mum battered and strangled. It has affected my whole life, I have no confidence and am very anxious and jumpy. Me and all my siblings have suffered in different ways.
My father's death stopped it. You can stop it for your kids today.

This is very dangerous. Men who strangle their partners at at very very high risk killing them. Get out now. Go to police. Phone women’s refuge.

I've read to p.7. You are not a twat. You are just paralysed at the moment.

To the people who are expressing their shock at you - it's all very straightforward and obvious when you haven't been in that situation.

You're on the road now - you're telling people. I completely understand how ashamed a woman can feel having been in that position but the shame IS ALL HIS.

Your purpose now is to keep on with your research about how to achieve what you want. Keep your head down. Watch out for his behaviour and keep at least a mental note but preferably a diary of his unreasonable behaviour.

If you can keep your home of course it would be better for your children but if not, don't despair as almost anything will be better than them watching him hurt their mother and animals.

You may not have relinquished love for him yet. That will come.
You will find the strength to get through this to a better place and that your family are already there for you is fantastic.

I have ever regretted leaving for a second.

oops *never

This sounds like it’s horribly difficult for you, but not many people are going to agree with you about a ‘three strikes’ policy. If he never does it again (unlikely), do you think he’s worth staying with? It sounds as though you have the support of your family and I hope you can move on to a better life.

The only roof you will have over your head if he kills you is a coffin lid, get out now or get him removed & get a court order to keep him away from you. If he has tried to strangle the dog, report him for that as well. Your DD only has to mention at school that she saw him try to strangle you & you will have social workers knocking on your door. Please report him to the police in the morning. Does he go to work? If he does, I would ring the police while he is at work, they may then arrest him from work & make him stay away as part of his bail conditions. If they let you know he has been arrested, then change all the locks, the police may have a domestic violence office who can advise you & may be able to arrange some additional security for your home to keep you & DD safe.

How do you fell when you are with this person?
You must surely feel some level of threat or fear if hes done it twice.

Absolutely do not give them a 3rd chance. You are sending the wrong message and effectively telling them it's ok to treat you this way.

Contact one of the agencies mentioned above. You need to speak with someone in real life.

I would also speak to the police on the non urgent line and ask for advice, I think you can request 'Clares law'where they can tell you if the person is a risk as this is not normal or healthy behaviour.

Strike 3 you’re dead 🤷🏻‍♀️ Why risk it?

So this is the second time ("strike") since they got back together after she left him for abusive behaviour says the OP:

"I have left him before, way beyond the 3 strikes that time, and now here we are. It’s 2 strikes counting from when we got back together, so part of me thinks ‘see, he hasn’t killed you after all these times."

So he has abused her multiple times beyond these 2 strikes. OP, he is an abuser - get rid of this strikes system (that you've randomly restarted) and leave him before he kills you or hurts one of your children! He is an abuser.

I just read about the poor bloody dog - what a miserable existence that creature must live. Afraid all the time. As the children are as well, probably.

I hate victim blaming as well, but I'm so bloody angry with you. You are an adult. Get the children and dog the f**k out of the house today. We have these things called solicitors and they organise something called a divorce. You get a split of assets (house) so that you can regime yourself. In the meantime, millions of people live in rented accommodation everyday and manage not to be idiots. We also have this thing called be benefits. It stops you and your children from starving.
You are not special. Your body is not immortal. Talking about 3 strikrs isn't clever. Perhaps you are drinking and don't think rationally most of the time? Social Services and a dog rehoming service should take the people and animals in your care away.
Sort it out OP. Be the adult.

No op. Next time might well be too late. You need to get out. Your life depends upon it.

@Smellbellina

I understand that you are paralysed with fear, that is why abused women stay.

But.

You need to inform the police, you really do. He is abusing your children, they’ve witnessed DV and probably other abusive behaviour.

When you do inform them, he will be arrested. You can then apply for a non molestation and occupation order. Meaning you can stay in your home and he cannot contact you.

SS, WA etc will help you.

If you cannot face reporting it, then at the very least ask your BIL to report it for you.