To ask about nakedness in front of dc

[Whatafustercluck]

I've always gone on the basis that as soon as your child feels uncomfortable around you being naked, you should start covering up/ closing the door when dressing or bathing. Ds is 9 and not remotely bothered but I'm starting to wonder if this is weird/ out of step with others. We don't parade around naked for no reason of course, but he will frequently see us naked getting dressed/ undressed morning/ night. How open are you with your kids and what age did that stop? I've seen some experts say that it may be inappropriate from 5 which has concerned me tbh.

And why when anyone is naked do they “wander”?
Can you “wander” fully clothed or is it a solely naked pursuit?

@Bluntness100

The boys also all know about periods & what it looks like as they have seen me changing sanitary towels

You change your sanitary towels in front of you children? 😱

Oh no! Children witnessing the horror of a perfectly normal situation for women that happens on a regular basis! The trauma for those poor children.

I definitely don't walk around naked at home - I suffer from raynauds and am eternally cold. The only time I'm ever naked is to change and wash - I don't even have bare feet in bed but I don't hide away to do that. If the children walk in during either of these it's not a big deal

How many children do you have, midnight?

I have an older brother. He was/is like this. Nothing malicious but he would walk into the bathroom to pee when I was in the bath, come into the bathroom to ask me something ignoring my shrieks of I AM IN THE SHOWER, barge in when I was on the loo (we didn’t have a lock before anybody starts.)

Because he didn’t know it was inappropriate. No one had told him gently that some things were private.

Now obviously there’s an age thing. I’m not saying that you’d have that conversation with a two year old. But I certainly think by the time the child starts school they should be beginning to understand privacy.

You are not bothered. One of your children might be.

There are just certain things like - people in the bath, shower or on the toilet are left alone, before entering someone’s bedroom knock, give someone warning if you have to apply say cream to an intimate area - that I think are basic courtesy and don’t cause children to lose their innocence but actually allow them to keep their innocence for far longer.

Emerald I would say that if everyone concerned wasn’t embarrassed then it was fine.

Boy at 7 and girl at 13. Nakedness is not a issue, no one ever shuts the bathroom door and everyone sleeps naked. The 7 year old is currently in his pants and will likely remain that way until it's time to go out or he is cold. Obviously if they were uncomfortable I'd think about it more.
Nakedness is only a issue if it's made into one.

@greentreesdream have 2 DD's who are 7 and 10. They know exactly how to behave around others but if they want to ask me something while I am in the shower or dressing I just can't see how that's a problem and neither do they. No one barges in anywhere and dd10 is always modest changing around others but not so in the family home where it's just the 3 of us

My kids are naked ALL the time when we are at home.The washing has decreased significantly since lockdown.
I don't go out of my way to be naked in front of them but I don't hide it either. They are almost 8 and 5. We talk about privacy in the bathroom, our bodies being our own etc for the purposes of keeping them safe and respecting boundaries, but nudity is not something to be ashamed of.

My dd is 9 and pretty much strips off as soon as she gets through the front door! I also get changed in front of her, she’s a regular visitor when I’m having a bath/shower. She knows about periods as she had to come into the toilet with me when out shopping (single parent). She has no hang ups about her body at all. However in front of other people like grandparents and swimming lessons she prefers to be covered up and is very aware of her own personal privacy. Until she shows signs of wanting to change her behaviour at home we will carry on as we are.

Oh no! Children witnessing the horror of a perfectly normal situation for women that happens on a regular basis

I found it repulsive. Don't presume to know how all children will feel about it.

But midnight, your ten year old is on the cusp of puberty.

It really isn’t about who is fine with it and who isn’t fine with it, although I do accept a slight difference in a house with two same sex children, but a general rule of assuming some things are private is healthy for both parties.

I think they’re a lot of people who are uncomfortable with their naked bodies so cover up. When my DDs were little I’d get in the shower, door unlocked obviously in case they needed me and they’d often ask to get in. Why would I say no? Children aren’t born with hang ups, they learn it from parents.

Privacy is not body shaming. And waiting for a child to be uncomfortable is wrong imo.

I had to dress and undress as a single parent in the same room as my child when they were under 5, I had to dress them and bath them. Then I do think it is important to introduce privacy. It’s part of safeguarding our children and making them feel that their bodies are their own.

It’s awful to think this, but most abuse happens within families or family members. We want children to be given the respect that we give others, and not normalise nakedness into their teens within a family. We don’t parade naked in front of friends and nor should we children, that is not to say we make out bodies are wrong. We make out bodies are theirs.

Bodies are normal. It’s the behaviour that counts.

@greentreesdream she has the freedom to be more modest at any time. She could shut the bathroom door when she showers if she wanted or she could stop choosing to around the living room while getting ready for bed any time she likes, as she already does if, for examples have a visitor round or we are outside the home. Tbh I've no idea what happens at her dads house regarding this. I've never thought to ask.

Children aren’t born with hang ups, they learn it from parents

@lilgreen

My parents were pretty liberal and easy going. I still found seeing them naked disgusting and them leaving the bathroom door open when going to the toilet disgusting too.

You call this a hang up? I call it boundaries and you shouldn't shame children for having them.

My DD is 3 and we try not to be naked around her if it can be helped.

She is noticing and commenting on body parts such as 'daddy's willy' and 'hairy bums' and we don't want that being repeated elsewhere

She isn’t going to do that if you don’t lead by example midnight, but I think a lot of parents enjoy how cool and edgy and uninhibited they are.

I think a good rule of thumb is that when they become self-conscious about their own nudity you make an effort not to be naked with them.

In general, I think it's a good thing not to make nudity a big shocking thing. It's important to be clear that there are limits on this: not with strangers, not touching, not if you don't want to etc. But we don't want children growing up thinking that bodies are shameful or embarrassing, or that naked bodies should look like airbrushed models.

I think I used to sit and talk to my mother when she was in the bath until I was at least 9 or 10 and it didn't feel weird at all.

This is COMPLETELY different from inappropriate sexualisation of the parent/child relationship.

You change your sanitary towels in front of you children?

What else do you do when you're out with a toddler and need to change your towels?

My girls are teens and anyone can be naked upstairs.
Youngest objects to dh have top off in the garden or downstairs but will happy be in her underwear on the garden.
My parents were the same Upstairs was a naked area, of you didn't want other to see you naked you shut doors and weren't naked.
Obviously if anyone other than household family is about then that's different.
The girls have asked we knock on bedroom doors before opening now.
Naked doesn't correspond to sex and it bothers me that parents seem to forget that.
If anyone of the kids has an issue with it we'd respect that.

DC are 15 and 8, one of each, nobody ever shuts a door to get changed, have a shower or do a wee unless there are visitors in!

All this talk of “parading “ naked
It’s a bit Daily Mail. I can assure you there never been any parading in our house, just people not going out of their way to put clothes (until someone isn’t comfortable with it)
I grew up in a normal English house where nudity wasn’t really something we did but when I met DH I realised(eventually) we actually had it wrong here. Nudity is the natural state and we cover up, which is fine but we don’t need to be so freaked out about it. Obviously people are entitled to their own boundaries and I would respect those but I think we as a nation in general need to not get so freaked out if we accidentally show a nipple while getting changed.

My DC are dd12 and DS8. They don’t see me naked but they do see me in my underwear if they want something while I’m getting dressed or if I’m nipping to the airing cupboard for something. I feel like it’s important that they see I’m comfortable in my 41yo, size 14 body.

Only thing this thread shows is how different families are. Whether nakedness is common or not, neither is right or wrong. I do agree with a pp though that kids don't need to be shown soiled sanitary protection to understand about periods. Kids learn from discussion.

I find the naked 6yr old walking in on his 11yr old sister's friend and chatting a bit worrying. He clearly and innocently perhaps didn't see the problem but this is where adults need to guide their kids. What is perfectly acceptable in one household is not in another and the 6yr old should really be taught about privacy around visitors.