To ask about nakedness in front of dc

[Whatafustercluck]

I've always gone on the basis that as soon as your child feels uncomfortable around you being naked, you should start covering up/ closing the door when dressing or bathing. Ds is 9 and not remotely bothered but I'm starting to wonder if this is weird/ out of step with others. We don't parade around naked for no reason of course, but he will frequently see us naked getting dressed/ undressed morning/ night. How open are you with your kids and what age did that stop? I've seen some experts say that it may be inappropriate from 5 which has concerned me tbh.

As a child I never saw my parents naked. Ever. I grew up feeling embarrassed about my body and was not body-confident at all.
I now have 3DD and was determined to do things differently with them. DH and I don’t walk about naked as such but we don’t hide ourselves either. If they’re in my bedroom when I’m changing the girls will often comment on my body (!) but that’s ok.

I think this is something that will naturally phase out depending on when your child starts to be aware of / notice it. You’re not deliberately naked in front of him so when he starts not wanting to see you naked he will easily be able to take steps to avoid it.

Bodies are normal / natural things and there shouldn’t be anything weird or shameful about nakedness in normal contexts like when you’re changing at home etc. I think making a big deal of avoiding and preventing it can make it much more it an issue than it needs to be.

I am glad to see that there are some people, albeit a minority, on here, who have no issues with nakedness. I guess if this was a forum based in a country other than Britain the balance might be different.

You don't have to wander around naked to be okay with nakedness.

We're in the middle - on the odd occasion I take a bath one or both of the DC (14 and 9) will wander in for a chat and I've always taken the view that if they were bothered by my nakedness they'd choose not to. The same with the shower - I close the door and they often walk in and tell me the other one has looked at them and ruined their day.

I knock before entering both of their bedrooms and feel quite strongly that their bodies are theirs to choose, not mine. DS14 showers with the door closed and doesn't change in front of us, no idea when that happened, it just became his decision at some point. DS9 doesn't close doors ever, so we've had to have the chat about why we can't poop with the bathroom door open when Grandparents come to stay.

I tend to go with their level of comfort - if they said anything made them uncomfortable I'd listen and adapt. The 9 year old gets changed from the paddling pool outside our back door (which isn't overlooked at all) and laughs as he shakes his bottom at us, so he's clearly got a little more time enjoying his nudity before feeling he needs more privacy.

Laughing at people being disgusted at changing sanitary towels in front of kids

I saw my mother do this. I found it absolutely repulsive. I have done it once...out shopping with my dc when they were 2 years old and had to come in the cubicle with me. That's a necessity.

My parents were often naked when I was a kid and it all felt really natural. Even now when my mum comes to stay she's not bothered about me seeing her topless, but will change in the bathroom if my husband or son is around.

My son is 3 and I'm often nude around him. Not to parade or anything but if I'm getting showered or dressed etc, I wouldn't dream of covering up. It's just his mum getting dressed and I don't see anything wrong with it. If anything I see it beneficial that he sees his parents not making a big deal out of nakedness. Obviously if he had an issue with it I would make more effort to cover up.

I am from a Nordic country though, where nakedness is usually seen as a natural thing. My British husband is a bit more conservative about it, but I think our son is getting a fairly balanced view of how different people are with nakedness.

Dressing un-dressing is fine. My ex friend thinks she is hot stuff she said her son's friends are embarrassed to talk to her they're all 10 she describes herself as a carmen electra she is not she will shower moisturise even work out naked. It is part of the reason I dropped her and her annoying obsessive chat on how every man wants her yet she never stays in a relationship her DS is so messed up.

@Doyoumind

Bluntness it's not so horrific to deal with your period in front of children. When you are a single mum with a little one in a public toilet with you or who walks into the bathroom at home you just get on with it. By not being squeamish about it I hope they won't be squeamish in the future.

I had exactly the same approach as you - the complete opposite to my mother! I wanted my 3DD not to feel embarrassed or, more importantly, scared (as I was growing up) about periods. They knew about periods from a young age and I’m hoping it normalised it for them.

@formerbabe I guess it depends on how old the child is. My youngest is 3.5 now and now doesn’t always come to the toilet with me at home so it can be avoided now but if they are still young enough to need to come into public toilet cubicles then there’s not a lot that can be done if things need changing.

You probably found it repulsive because you were a bit older but you didn’t understand what it was?

They see you in a bikini or similar on the beach right? There’s not a lot more to see. Now if my teens knock on my bedroom door, I’ll say I’m just getting changed and they’ll wait . They sometimes pop into the bathroom for something while I’m in the bath but there are bubbles! We always knock their doors and have done since around 12/13 but I think it depends on when your child’s body changes and self consciousness kicks in. You just notice them getting a bit coy over little things.

So many people saying that they'll stop if their children start feeling uncomfortable. I hated seeing my parents naked but it wouldn't have occurred to me to say anything. I wasn't scared to or anything. I just wouldn't have thought to. If I had, I'm sure they'd have been mortified. So I wouldn't necessarily count on your dc telling you.

I'm glad they found it funny but I think a lot of 11yo's would have been really embarrassed and upset about it, and likely would never admit to being upset in front of a friends' parent either.*

My 10 year old dd wouldn't bat an eyelid at a naked 6 year old. Maybe because she's the oldest dc in my friendship group and Most of the dc are the same age as my youngest dc with younger again siblings Plenty of them have a streak around while changing on the beach for example or come out the toilet with their pants down looking for assistance. She changes nappies too, although she's only done girls as there aren't currently any boy babies. Of course it was correct that the boy in question was corrected but it's really not a huge deal. I'm sure if she'd been on her period using the toilet she'd have closed/locked the door.

Not waiting for them to be uncomfortable. You just pick up cues from your children in conversations or from films and you judge for yourself. Every family dynamic is different.

@formerbabe but surely I'll know, in that they'll stop coming in the bathroom and talking to me while I'm standing naked in the shower, for example?

midnight tbh I really think you need to be the adult and gently tell them it’s not appropriate.

Why is it not appropriate?

I have never been naked in front of my children and my parents were never naked in front of me.
It's not something I would have been comfortable although I have said this on MN before and been royally flamed for it

I've got a vague memory of being told to face the door away from DM in a public toilet cubicle.

DSs are 7&9. We're all comfortable with functional nudity (changing, showering) DS1 is tending to shut his door now, but that's as much about getting away with faffing and not changing his pants as anything. The longest journey I'll do is post-muddy run where all my soggy mud-splattered clothing goes directly into the washing machine for a quick wash before the stink sets in, and to avoid shedding dirt through the house as I wear it up then carry it down, then I'll head up to the shower.

We still shower together as he has dyspraxia and he still struggles to wash his hair properly or wipe down his body. He is responsible for checking his private zones. With both DCs I only touch down there with consent and a particular reason such as applying cream if they haven't been wiping well and got sore.

They still occasionally gatecrash me in the bath and join in.

They've never needed The Talk about puberty because they have asked questions in their own time over the years such as when they've ploughed into the bathroom mid-moon cup manouver. With DS's SNs and now too old to use femal changing rooms we use a disabled changing room at swimming. On one of our last pre-Covid sessions, he asked me what had happened to my willy... He though boys and girls were all born with a willy and the girls' willies dropped off Better to ask your mum in private than in PSHE in school!

The important thing is respecting boundaries, establishing what is private and consent.

Children just stop or start acting shy. It’s up to parents to read the cues and be aware. I’d hate to end that innocence too soon and make s as child feel self conscious.

I don't "wander around naked" at home, it just isn't an issue in our house if you happen to be naked. We all do "wander around naked" on holiday because we specifically go on naturist holidays, though.

My parents were pretty hippie-ish and also very comfortable with nakedness. They didn't particularly walk around naked at home, but like us, there was no issue in us all seeing each other naked. My DH also comes from a family where it was the norm to see each other naked. When he met me he was not a naturist though, but has turned into one (I always was).

vanilla coming out of his room and walking 3 steps into a bathroom is not “wandering round”. It’s Just what he would normally do and at 6 it didn’t occur to him to do anything different. The child was cleaning her teeth with the door ajar so no “what ifs “ required
As I keep saying he was told not to do it again and it’s now a family joke - guests coming, pants on!

Dd14 and ds11 are now at the age where they don’t want to be seen naked, which is completely fine and we respect their choice. Dd9, doesn’t seem to care at all and is quite happy wandering round upstairs in her pants (although actually, I guess she does care, as she wouldn’t be totally naked, always in pants).
Both DdS are quite happy talking to me while I’m in the bath or shower and talking to me while I’m getting dressed, but elder dd wouldn’t want wouldn’t want to see Dh undressed. Ds is mortified if he catches me in underwear, eg Dh works shifts so I get dressed on the landing sometimes and if I hear him coming out of his room while I’m changing, I now shout as I know he doesn’t want to see me partly dressed. I don’t care though, I only let him know out of respect for him.

I remember being in the bathroom at home about age 5 and my mum going for a wee. I was very inquisitive and spotted the blue string dangling from her tampon and asked what it was. Mum obviously judged I was too young, said oh it’s for when you’re older and carried on talking about something else. I was satisfied with that answer, carried on playing with my toys. I’m not scarred!

I think once the DC start developing it is time to show them they need more privacy.
I was really upset when DM said I couldn't get dried and dressed in the living area by the fire after my bath when Dad and brothers sitting there as I was developing. I must have been 10 y.o I carried on for another 6 months how embarrassing.