Working from home with DH - permanently

[Wfhconundrum]

This isn’t quite an Aibu really but would love any advice.

I work from home - it’s my own small business and renting an office wouldn’t be financially beneficial.

Dh has just been told that they are downsizing his office space so basically in the future he will only need to go into the office maybe once or twice a month.

I have an office space in the corner of our dining area - dh has been working from the dining table - we are literally about 2ft away from each other. No issues in terms of getting along etc, but it’s sometimes been tricky where say, one of us has a zoom call or whatever.

However now it’s looking to be an ongoing thing in starting to worry that spending literally all day every day together probably isn’t going to be that healthy. As I say, we’ve been fine but worry a bit about this.

We do have space for an office upstairs - but I hate it and so does dh, we both like where we are (though I want my bloody dining table back!)

Does anyone else work within close proximity like this? Any tips for staying sane?

Literally the only way to save your sanity and get work done is separate spaces entirely. My DH and I have worked from home for the last few years and it only works because we're in separate rooms.
Also, if it's a permanent thing, invest in proper chairs/ wrist supports etc for you both, and make your respective work areas "nicer" so that you actually want to work there

Do you have room in the garden for a small office?
At least then you could go to work and leave the house.

Move house. Seriously.

@kitkatkit this is the brunt of my argument with dh. My space is a proper desk, chair etc as this is my “permanent” office.
I fear for dh’s back sitting on the dining chairs and while actually I did work at that table (in our house) for a year - in the current space it’s not comfortable.

No tips OP sorry. Me and DW have set up our spare room as an office and have been working in close proximity since April and not had many, if any issues. I have to say we have actually found it much easier and have been having much less stupid arguments. I think taking the daily school run and commute out of the equation has meant we have are less stressed and have been getting on great.

A change can always seem like a big thing but hopefully you both find a way to rub along without any impact on your relationship.

Haha we only moved here late last year so moving isn’t an option sadly, and it’s rented to so no garden office.
Being honest we moved here so I would have a spare room for an office space. In our old house I’d again been in the corner of the lounge.

Set it all up - and I hated it. Hated being upstairs even though it was all nicely arranged - I just felt cut off. So instead arranged a very nice space downstairs.

But of course downstairs doesn’t have enough room for two offices, and dh doesn’t like the upstairs room either.

You need proper chairs etc.

Can you set up the upstairs office and alternate using it? Or at least use it as the 'conference room' for doing zoom calls etc. (Open plan offices often have rooms for people to use for online meetings or long phone calls etc)

@ConfessionsOfAChocoholic on a practical level - what do you both do about phone calls and online meetings etc?

My DH and I have been working at home since mid March. He's working at home permanently so wfh for me was a big change. Currently we share the dining room table and it's been great. We do have some lighter moments but when we are intensely working not much is said. He's been working on a project which has involved 3 weeks of daily calls, so he's moved into the living room, it's also better with the comfy chairs as he has RA. Some days I have all day meetings, for this I pop upstairs to our bedroom. It's not ideal, but it works. As for our relationship it's much better, no more work talk after the laptops go away. I'm really looking forward to wfh more.

@ErrolTheDragon the conference room idea is a good one! Don’t think either of us are keen to work up there - and the though of constantly switching over laptops, monitors etc is painful in terms of sharing it. Appreciate that may sound a bit lazy

I think that to be blunt, that if this is now permanent, one of you needs to work upstairs. Being practical, not having separate work spaces causes conflict of interests with confidentiality. It's also disruptive to each of you when on calls etc and I imagine has impacted on your productivity as you're more than likely interacting more.
You are a couple and live together, I'd want to differentiate between your family and work lives for your sanity, jobs and relationship!

I guess I’ll just have to adapt. It’s tricky as our work is very different - and this is my business. Before lockdown I’d have occasional clients visiting etc. Also my phone does go constantly (new enquires, client calls etc).
Dh’s work is very different so not really external calls but of course a lot of calling his team etc.

In terms of switching over kit and/or having an extra space, would it be feasible - both financially and in terms of your kit compatibility - to use a dock with an extra monitor etc on? I wfh but one of my company's offices 'hot desks' and has docks on each one.

@SoloMummy I thought about that actually - the confidentiality thing. It’s not so much an issue my side (it’s a limited company - dh is, in theory part of it), but on his side it certainly could be.

So now I really do have an Aibu! Aibu to say he goes upstairs as I was here first

It sounds like one of you is going to have to stop hating the upstairs office your DH as you were downstairs first.

What is actually wrong with the upstairs room?

DH has had an office in the spare bedroom for a while. Having spent 2 weeks WFH from the kitchen table, I'm now off furlough and have joined DH upstairs. It's so much better than the kitchen table and it's nice to have a break by going to a different floor to get my coffee.

When lockdown eases and you're able to have clients visit, then you'd presumably be able to use your upstairs room for those meetings?

@ErrolTheDragon so I could get a second laptop no problem. Dh I think has specific software for work installed on his - am not sure if it’s cloud based etc.
That said I do have a lot of licences (adobe suite etc) that I think, though could be wrong) may be licenced for only one device. So while I’m happy to hear the cost of one piece of hardware am not happy to fork out for additional licences (if they were needed). My software packages all together are over £1k month - but of course a lot are just cloud based.

Me and my OH both WFH currently and for foreseeable future. We sometimes work in the same room. Regards taking zoom calls and phone calls we both have headsets with microphones which takes the stress out of that and it protects confidentiality on a call to a greater degree. Also make sure we aren't visible on each others calls. Docking station in spare room plus spare monitor is a great idea from a previous poster.

@MinnieMountain good question. It’s actually a lovely room really. Good views out the back etc. I started using it when we came here, but honestly - I just didn’t like being locked away upstairs. The light isn’t great in the winter either - though I had a SAD lamp and another lamp going.

Am actually trying to work out if there’s another space that can perhaps be carved out of the living room for one of us dh but much farther apart. It might mean saying goodbye to a bit of furniture though.

I would do one of the following;

• DH works upstairs (best option)
• You use upstairs as a room for calls and the rule is if one of you is in a call you have to go up there unless the other one is already up there
• You get a workstation dock for your laptops and you switch upstairs every week
• You get a proper office chair and monitor for the dining table

My DH and I went to stay with our parents for lockdown precisely because we didn’t want to work in the same room in our flat together for months. We’ve done it for odd days in the past but he has a very loud voice so if we were both on the phone it didn’t work, and our bedroom has no space for a chair so you’d have to sit on the bed for calls which isn’t good for your back.

I agree with PPs that your DH can suck it up and go upstairs - feeling “cut off” is a ridiculous reason not to use a functional study, frankly. Can you rearrange the furniture to see if that helps/buy some nice art/plants? Having two people crammed in a dining room with a functional office is ridiculous. And it’s proven that it’s better for your mental health if you have a seperate living and working space so both being in the dining room isn’t sensible from that point of view.

Either way for gods sake buy him a proper office chair, external monitor and mouse or his back and wrists will suffer.

I'm fascinated by what is wrong with this upstairs room that you'd prefer to both work crammed into the dining room!

I'd love my own study so that work life and home life could be definitively separated. But it would drive me mad to work in close proximity to DH all day (not that we could as we're both teachers delivering online lessons).

I think one of you will have to make your peace with the upstairs room...

On a separate note - even if I resolve the desk issue - we are still in the same house. Does anyone else do this on a normal basis? Do you have any “rules” or customs?
Think a lot will be easier when things start to open, so for example when maybe I can get out to take lunch, or go to the gym or whatever.

We do thankfully get along very well and don’t suffer from spending a lot of time together as I know some people do.

We've got a desk upstairs with 2nd monitor and a desk downstairs. We chop and change depending on who has calls. The mouse, keyboard, headset etc are all plugged into a USB extender thing at each desk so you just take your laptop, go upstairs and plug in the one USB.

Means you get peace and quiet for calls if required but don't stay up there all the time. Not sure how good long term it would be but maybe you could alternate days or something?!

That said I do have a lot of licences (adobe suite etc) that I think, though could be wrong) may be licenced for only one device.

If your laptops were compatible with the same dock (which may be a big 'if') then you'd just carry the laptop up and down. It's what my office-based colleagues do in offices which either hotdesk or are open plan with 'huddle rooms' and conference rooms.

I've wfh for over 25 yrs btw - partway through that time DH started wfh too. Fortunately our home office is large and we've both got proper desks and chairs etc, but it took him a while to adjust to decamping elsewhere if he needed to make a long phone call.

Seriously, I think YABU - both of you - to not simply do what you can to turn the upstairs room into a nice home office for one of you! You have the space - so what if it is upstairs? So long as it has a desk and decent WiFi then it just doesn’t make sense not to use it. Surely there is some way you can kit it out to make it acceptable to one of you?