Working from home with DH - permanently

[Wfhconundrum]

This isn’t quite an Aibu really but would love any advice.

I work from home - it’s my own small business and renting an office wouldn’t be financially beneficial.

Dh has just been told that they are downsizing his office space so basically in the future he will only need to go into the office maybe once or twice a month.

I have an office space in the corner of our dining area - dh has been working from the dining table - we are literally about 2ft away from each other. No issues in terms of getting along etc, but it’s sometimes been tricky where say, one of us has a zoom call or whatever.

However now it’s looking to be an ongoing thing in starting to worry that spending literally all day every day together probably isn’t going to be that healthy. As I say, we’ve been fine but worry a bit about this.

We do have space for an office upstairs - but I hate it and so does dh, we both like where we are (though I want my bloody dining table back!)

Does anyone else work within close proximity like this? Any tips for staying sane?

Haha it’s the dining “area” rather than dining room so while we are near each other - it’s a fairly big space - think large-ish open plan kitchen/lounge/diner type thing. Am tempted to take photos but think would be a bit too outing (and haven’t tidied up ).

I’ll have a chat with him about upstairs room. Annoyingly we recently bought a king size bed for it to have as a spare so that will have to go!

When DH was working at home we used to take conference calls in a separate room. We would also check each morning when each of us had calls and what time we expected to eat lunch.

Now DH is back at work I am glad of getting my space back but if it was a permanent change I would be looking to kit the spare room out as an office. Can you work out what it is you both hate about it and see if there are any solutions to fix the spare room (decorate, new furniture etc).

DH and I both work from home, we have a office next to the kitchen, sit next to each other with a laptop each on a long, built in desk, share the phone. People are always asking how we cope, but it has never been a problem. We both do the same job but only overlap slightly, we work for ourselves (but separately, as individuals), we are both pretty laid back, I don’t know if any of those things feed into it. Sometimes we go into the office at 9, it gets to 11 and I realise we haven’t said a word to each other, we are not chatting all the time. On the other hand if someone is making a cup of tea or a sandwich we will offer the other person one! I really like it, there is someone there to talk to if I need a bit of a rant, but also have the benefits of working from home. We don’t have that many Zoom calls but if we do, either the caller goes to the front room where the WiFi is better anyway, or the non-caller puts on headphones or takes a break. As we sit next to each other we don’t show up in the background, but it wouldn’t really matter if we did - in an office there would be other people walking around.

We’re getting a garden office installed for this very reason (I want my dining room office nook back!) and he can take his long and boring zoom meetings outside

Could you do anything to improve the upstairs office? Separate work space is much better for your relationship. I work part time from the dining room table but can slide laptop away with notepad on top. DH uses box room as he works FT, means he can shut the door for conference calls and to separate work from home at the end of the day.
We use radio's to keep in touch and offer cups of tea.

Dh and I do this and it only works because we have completely separate spaces. We both make a lot of phone calls / online meetings and he is very messy with work whereas I like tidiness and organisation so we could never share.

I work on a small desk in the bedroom because I only need a laptop and don’t use much paper.

He has a dedicated home office with two large monitors, printer etc. It’s a mess and I avoid going in there or it would drive me crazy. He also Has a proper office chair and large desk.

We don’t have lunch or coffee breaks Together as we work on different time schedules ( he works with the US a lot). So we rarely see each other in the working day.

We get a lot more done at home because there’s much less general office chit chat. This suits us as we are not very sociable but I know a lot of people miss it.

I know we are lucky to have the space. I think it’s a bit much for employers to expect everyone to have one or more spare rooms on their house just to accommodate this. Especially in cities where space is very expensive .

@ThreeCubesBalancing that’s reassuring! It’s a weird one isn’t it. In a bog standard office you’d be in just as close proximity with people.

I too am intrigued by what could possibly be so wrong with this upstairs study.

As for rules, my #1 is: if the door is shut, I am NOT HERE. Pretend I am at the office. Don’t open the door to let the cat in or whatever. I don’t want to hear from you unless the house is literally burning down.

@PAND0RA I agree. While my griping about this is firmly in the “first world problems” category this is going to be the same for dh’s entire team and I know some of them still live at home with parents, some are in flats etc. We are in London so really not a case of “just get somewhere bigger”.

You don’t need new laptops,you just need a laptop dock upstairs

Am trying to put my finger on the upstairs room issue. For me - I set everything up there - and within 2 weeks of using it felt a bit depressed. I was constantly wandering back downstairs and say taking far too long over a cup of coffee in the kitchen etc. This was in the winter mind - but I found it almost depressing (and did get a bit depressed but of course, had just moved and am not great in the winter generally). It’s got a lovely view and is well- basically a second bedroom so ok size etc. I dunno maybe it’s haunted by the ghost of a lonely homeworker?

Prior to lockdown when I worked from home which was sporadic some weeks 2 days others none or just evenings I was set up on the dining room table but with an office chair, no screen just a laptop. I liked the space as I was near the kitchen and could do odd jobs and washing easily, but I was usually the only one at home. DH never worked from home but had taken over the studY as a man cave.
As lockdown looked imminent I rushed out and bought a cheap desk and other bits to make a full office in the bedroom. Moved out of the dining room as with 4 of us at home (we have student D.C. who came back from lockdown) it was too close to the bustling centre aka kitchen.

There is no way DH and I could work in the same space, I am loud and take lots of calls and zoom type meetings during the day or I am working to a tight deadline. He has to concentrate and is very quiet.

I will be wfh on a long term basis so if DH returns full time to work and the D.C. go back to uni I will be clearing out and taking over the man cave. And when he does the odd day at home he can have the dining room.

Do you both want the downstairs room because it's closer to the kitchen for grabbing a snack?! That'd definitely be top of my list but seriously, whoever does the cooking should be downstairs then you can pop something in the oven while you finish working and have more free time.

@AppleJane it may well be a consideration . That’s another thing - we have both put on a stone ! It’s that ooh I’m having a biscuit would you like one thing.

Am trying to put my finger on the upstairs room issue

If that room is tidy you could always post a photo ? Photos are even better than diagrams here on MN 😁

Although my guess is the problem is the light, temperature or sound, which don’t show up well on in a photo.

Haha I would but now it won’t make so much sense as it’s currently a guest bedroom - when I chose not to use it we bought a double bed and drawers etc. I think it probably is the light - it’s south facing though - but in winter it’s a bit dingy - downstairs is all spotlights and patio doors etc so much lighter.

I’ve stopped having tea / coffee at my desk because they are too wet without a biscuit.

So it’s cold drinks only now.

Now if I can just kick my Pringles habit I can lose that extra stone.....

Do you do most of the cooking? You can use it as a valid argument for your DH to go upstairs. In fact, throw in the washing machine duties too. You could agree to go upstairs if he'll do all the cooking and washing. If he already does, don't mention it

How can a south facing room be dingy in June ?

Does it have good artificial light and suitable window covering ie blind than can be partly closed to prevent screen glare etc

It’s easy to fix lighting .

Actually yes, me and DP have been working from home in close proximity since lockdown began and I hate it. Only because I have realised just how much he flirts with his female co-workers as I have to listen to it when he is on video calls with them (which is most of the day), I had no idea before. In fact, he made out to me like he is far too professional at work to be flirty and it's just not his style.

I think seperate parts of the house should be mandatory. Is there any way either of you could find a way to like the office space upstairs? Maybe a little re-decorating? Better lighting? Comfortable chair?

We’ve got a home office, but it’s currently housing a tonne of shite. DH is back to working on site from next week so I can move and switch things round without having to explain why a teeny box on a massive shelf is a waste of space.

We’ve got the ikea algot shelving, which, with a bit of jiggery pokery I can arrange into one long desk and then have room for a dual monitor set up.

Just need a child free day to sort it (and re hang a door so it opens the other way)

Have just spoken to him about it again and he’s quite adamant he doesn’t want the upstairs room - he’s actually coming from the angle that we will lose our spare room when really he just doesn’t like it either.

I think I need to work out where we can move him downstairs... diagram imminent 😂

I think a lot of people are going to be navigating similar dilemmas in the coming weeks/months! While on the one hand I think it's great that companies are finally enabling more of a wfh culture (less travel time/costs/environmental hit, better work-life balance etc), there must be consideration (and possibly some subsidy) for the logistical difficulties that may people will face to achieve this long term.

My DH has been WFH since covid started (I'm furloughed - normally wfh the majority of my hours anyway so this is a big blessing in this situation). Initially used the dining table but tbh we all hated it - it was invasive for all of us, very uncomfortable for him and he wasn't able to 'leave work', which is mentally quite important for him to do. We converted our spare room into an office - proper desk, chair etc - which suits him well, he can shut the door when he's working and also when he's done for the day and return to the family space. As fate would have it, a few weeks after setting the office up we found out I'm pregnant, and he's likely to be wfh permanently, so we now have to find another solution.... Probably moving house tbh as we are seriously struggling to find another space where he can work in peace and I can be with baby! Our interim solution is likely to be DH going out to work at a family members house close by. Is that an option to explore?

@SpiderStan that is shit and I’m sorry. Very disrespectful.

DH and I have been working from home for the last 4 months and, while it won’t be forever, we both agree we’d quite like if it could be. We live in a lovely but small two bedroom apartment so space is at a premium, and we didn’t want to have our living room taken over by work stuff.

We’re working from one big desk in our spare room, so practically side by side. Each day, we have a look at what our diaries are like for conference calls, zooms etc. and see if either of us need to move out to the living room at any stage (my job involves a lot more talking and zooms than his, plus some of the info I deal with is highly sensitive and confidential so I prefer not having him in the room when these conversations are going on). Sometimes I’ll do a conference call from the living room, other times I’ll stay in the spare room and he’ll move out to the living room for a while.

Sadly, our garden is small and shared so doing calls out there wouldn’t be fair to the neighbours, and they extend us the same courtesy.

We haven’t had any problems so far. A few clashes but we find that spending two minutes at the start of the day discussing diaries makes it so much easier. We’re both really easy-going in general- it helps.

We’re both working off of docked laptops with a second monitor each, and wireless keyboards and mice. Have proper office chairs too so it’s quite comfortable. Lots of light and air, and we’ve created a little break-our area with a sofa and biscuits and an office cat

We’re house-hunting and had originally been looking for a 3-bed but now thinking we’ll wait a while to see how the housing market goes and look at a 4 bed and build a bespoke double office. Alternatively, a 3-bed with a bigger garden and a purpose-build garden office. Sadly, won’t be able to work from home together full time, but hope to do more from home.

OP, in your case, do you need a dining room? Is your kitchen big enough for a dining table and then the dining room could be repurposed so that you have a desk at opposite sides for you and your husband? You might even be able to screen it off in the middle?