Working from home with DH - permanently

[Wfhconundrum]

This isn’t quite an Aibu really but would love any advice.

I work from home - it’s my own small business and renting an office wouldn’t be financially beneficial.

Dh has just been told that they are downsizing his office space so basically in the future he will only need to go into the office maybe once or twice a month.

I have an office space in the corner of our dining area - dh has been working from the dining table - we are literally about 2ft away from each other. No issues in terms of getting along etc, but it’s sometimes been tricky where say, one of us has a zoom call or whatever.

However now it’s looking to be an ongoing thing in starting to worry that spending literally all day every day together probably isn’t going to be that healthy. As I say, we’ve been fine but worry a bit about this.

We do have space for an office upstairs - but I hate it and so does dh, we both like where we are (though I want my bloody dining table back!)

Does anyone else work within close proximity like this? Any tips for staying sane?

@ITOO see I feel a bit like that - even though of course we do different jobs! He’s not judging but there has been the occasional “did you send that proposal”?

@speakout ah that’s interesting as we floated the same idea. At the moment him working for me would just be too risky - I’d prefer to have one of us with a guaranteed 100% income, bit of course we did discuss it.

If you don't like being behind a closed door, then keep it open 🤷🏼‍♀️ buy a couple of lamps so the office room isn't so dingy. Buy a plant or two, and a photo frame to fill it with something nice. Get a small drinks fridge so you don't need to wander to the kitchen. Then make your DH work there.

Just tell him you don't want the kitchen to always be a mess. Alternatively, show him this thread.

My DH and I are both working from home now. Before we were both in an office. We converted our tiny guest room into an office with a chair taken from the office, a new desk, and a new monitor. It is not big enough to house two people, and also there would be issues with video conferences. The other person works from the bedroom where we already had a small desk. It is not deep enough to fit a monitor but we put the laptop on a cardboard box and use external mouse and keyboard and it works much better than it sounds. For this space we bought an office chair. Usually we swap mid week.

Don’t do it. Very few men have the maturity to work for their wife. Because patriarchy.

I worked WITH my husband for 15 years - we were both directors of our own company ( with the same status) in a very male dominated industry.

EVERY SINGLE PERSON I ever dealt with - at work or socially - assumed that he was the boss and did the typing / answered the phones.

Even people who were working for us and KNEW the legal situation - like accountants and solicitors - acted like he was the boss and I was his side kick.

We were often introduced as “ This is Mr John Smith who owns XYZ Company and his wife “ . Even though we have different names and never introduced ourselves as anything except John Smith Job Title and Jane Brown Job title.

Even some of our own staff would double check with him After taking an instruction from me. In a very subtle way of course.

That was wearisome enough when we were peers. Imagine what it would be like if I had in fact been his boss.

The fact that the OPs husband is now telling her that she has to change her long term arrangement to suit his new working arrangement shows that he won’t make a good employee for her. He already assumes that his work is more important.

A woman in his situation Would assume she had to go upstairs because the dining room was already taken and he was earning lots of money and had more responsibilities doing a Man Job.

Even one poster on this thread implied the OP should move because his job was more stressful and he worked longer hours, even though the OP has not said that.

It doesn’t matter how you think or act. When the entire world thinks that he’s your boss, it will be tough for you both for you be his boss. Fighting the patriarchy in top of your everyday job is bloody tiring.

Honestly don’t do it. And it’s a nightmare if you split up. Sorry to raise this depressing point but it happens to 35 - 50% of us.

Interesting points @pandora and I’ve often encountered the “assuming the man is in charge” in several work situations (not since working for myself obviously). I do get driven mad by anyone who assumes dh is the person in charge - but luckily don’t encounter this often - I’m quite forthright he’s quieter - so don’t tend to get this with say, estate agents, car sales and the line. But can see exactly what you mean.

One thing to be fair to dh - he hasn’t in any way said I should take the upstairs room or anything like that - he just doesn’t (currently) see a problem with us working next to each other - as, so far, there is no problem - other than me wanting the dining table back.

As I said upthread am going to continue for the moment as dh’s office isn’t even open yet - so don’t want to do a load of changes and then it transpires that actually they’ve got a desk for him and he will be in more or less full time etc. It’s not the whole office being closed - they’re just getting rid of a couple of floors.

OP, I bought a folding desk, this one below which was £50 and has a 120cm length version. It’s super steady and strong and folds easily. Could he use something like this in the living room? And then it can go to the office upstairs at some point?

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Folding-Study-Coffee-Table-Foldable-Computer-Desk-Wooden-Laptop-Office-Classroom/113921380559?var=414202923384

As I said upthread am going to continue for the moment as dh’s office isn’t even open yet - so don’t want to do a load of changes and then it transpires that actually they’ve got a desk for him and he will be in more or less full time etc. It’s not the whole office being closed - they’re just getting rid of a couple of floors

I think that’s wise. I suspect there will be lots of changes In the market and within companies over the next 6 months.

@Wfhconundrum I guess if it does turn out to be long term you just need to tell DH that you want your dining table back every evening (where are you eating at the moment?) and that he'll need to pack his stuff away every day or buy a larger dining table and he just needs to pack it away when you have guests?

Good news - he’s started taking an interest in the upstairs room! Going to wait for a bit to see what happens with his office.

@RandomMess we often eat at the breakfast bar - or failing that the other end of the dining table. it’s an 8 seater so there is room - but it doesn’t really feel the same when you’ve got a computer at one end of it!

I have to agree with you 😂 we have a roomy 8 seater and at one end there is often a jigsaw, if not that stacked crates of clean dry washing... I think a laptop and dual monitor would send me over the edge!

Fingers crossed OP.

I don't recommend sharing an office space based on my last 2 weeks of that with DH. It's take me that long to train him out of constantly talking to me.

dh and I both work form home. I cannot imagine both working in the same room!

he has an upstairs office, horrendous;y untidy, with a huge desk 100% covered in crap all the time.

I have the dining room table, tidy and organised and a bookshelf with all my stuff sorted on to it.

But I have students who come in, so I can't work in an upstairs office.

You need your own work space.

Good news - he’s started taking an interest in the upstairs room! Going to wait for a bit to see what happens with his office

Result.