Working from home with DH - permanently

[Wfhconundrum]

This isn’t quite an Aibu really but would love any advice.

I work from home - it’s my own small business and renting an office wouldn’t be financially beneficial.

Dh has just been told that they are downsizing his office space so basically in the future he will only need to go into the office maybe once or twice a month.

I have an office space in the corner of our dining area - dh has been working from the dining table - we are literally about 2ft away from each other. No issues in terms of getting along etc, but it’s sometimes been tricky where say, one of us has a zoom call or whatever.

However now it’s looking to be an ongoing thing in starting to worry that spending literally all day every day together probably isn’t going to be that healthy. As I say, we’ve been fine but worry a bit about this.

We do have space for an office upstairs - but I hate it and so does dh, we both like where we are (though I want my bloody dining table back!)

Does anyone else work within close proximity like this? Any tips for staying sane?

Could the living room be split (temporarily with room dividers or bookcases) into two office areas and the dining room be used as a living room?

Or continue to both work in the dining room, but go upstairs for calls/ online meetings.

We sit right next to each other in an 8’ x 6’ room so pretty small. We don’t actually talk a lot during the day as I use my music (via headphones to concentrate) plus we both have online Teams meetings. It’s lovely having no commute and lunch together though. However, it’s certainly nothing I ever envisaged.

Some great ideas so thank you. I think it’s the permanenance that’s worrying me - but perhaps long term a move might be the thing (hey no commute we can go further out).

I really haven’t minded so far, but it’s when things return to normal that it will be stranger I think.

Proper office space upstairs and keep for zoom meetings etc so no chance of being interupted.
Get a decent chair for the dining room for work use.
Separate file space. Perhaps different office times so you have time apart.

If DH is required to work from home by employer, he should ask them to provide proper kit, including appropriate chair.
In his case, this may simply be grabbing monitor and chair from the office before it closes permanently, but my employer paid for everyone to purchase home chairs/large monitors/keyboards/laptop backpacks back in February when it was looking as if we would be working from home, so that we weren't faffing around working on a laptop. We've also been required to complete an HSE workstation assessment.

In terms of location, both being in the same room all day sounds a bit claustrophobic - and the other day I was in a zoom meeting with someone with a partner chatting away on zoom in the background, and it was really different to focus.

If you can't find separate spaces to work, what about a separate room for zoom and calls?
I don't have to share space, but set up a zoom area from the sofa, with a portable table (£12 from Argos) for the laptop that's next to the modem for optimum connectivity.
In some ways I do share; my cat sleeps on the sofa until I need to zoom, when I edge on to the sofa she glares briefly at colleagues then rushes to the office chair - when I finish a meeting I have to balance working from the sofa if I have a meeting coming up, or disturbing her.

Ultimately, your house isn't right for you as there is one room you just don't like to use. This is a waste of space and money! Start looking at new places, even just a bit of Rightmove browsing might give you ideas.

My only other suggestion is to turn the disliked study into the place where you sleep at night and the other person work from what is now your bedroom?

I'm not sure if anyone mentioned it but could either of you rent a desk in a shared office space, there are loads of those around London. Even a couple of days could give you respite. Your DH should ask if they will be getting any additional money to work from home and that could be used to go to one of those places. I live in a tiny flat and have just gone freelance and before lockdown visited one near me, I'm definitely going to consider it once I'm more established. You get to meet different people and you get out of your home.

@everydayisaduvetday I think they will probably provide any kit he needs to be fair - it’s just working out what that kit is - and more importantly where we will put it!

I knew that more wfh was coming for dh but assumed the office maybe a couple of day’s a week at home - not all of them!

I live in Cornwall so can't recommend the place I will go to but my friend used shared working spaces in London when she lived there.

I understand the not liking upstairs work space - I’m the same as you, and when I worked from home a couple of days a week pre lockdown I always preferred downstairs even though have a desk in the spare room up. However, if you both feel like this, and are both going to be wfh permanently now, personally I think you both need to compromise (I get you were there first though!). Swapping the monitors is a hassle - could you agree to week on/week off?

Consider switching your main bedroom with the office room - would that one be nicer to work in?

@AuditAngel - you suddenly have to move upstairs with DD to not interrupt furloughed husbands gaming???

I'd be interrupting it with housework, homeschooling and cooking - and when he has free time from that, gaming/TV space upstairs!

@CandlesBlanketsandTea I’ve looked at shared workspaces before and while they look great I’m not sure I would be welcomed - I take a lot of calls!

But that said the reason I disregarded previously was mainly my dog - if dh is at home this is no longer an issue.

@MaybeDoctor hmm sort of. I love my home - it has lots of lovely other benefits and actually the “office” is now our guest room so it’s not under-used. I am very unlikely to be able to afford a thing much larger in our current area (which is lovely) as it’s a huge jump up (from £2.5k a month to more like £3.5k).

How much thought is your DH giving this? It sounds as though he has just said 'well I want to work downstairs' and that's it. The reality is that this is mainly his problem. You have worked at home for a long time, have it all setup, like where you work. I think in this scenario I would be just acting as though you're comfortable where you are and he needs to think through what he is going to do and come to you with his plan. There is perfectly good room upstairs, sounds like you are quite noisy with meetings etc, it's a no brainer for a long term solution.

@brakethree see I think the thing is - he sees no issue. He’s happy at the dining table. He doesn’t mind being 3ft away. And right now, nor do I. But am sure this may change as things go on.

or his back will go from working at a bloody dining table

Leaving aside the desk issue. For those of you who do wfh with partners are there any other things that you do to keep home and work separate? Or am I massively over thinking it?

I think perhaps the lockdown thing is making me see things as a bigger deal as obviously will habe more “space” (the head type) once things get back to normal a bit.

For those of you who do wfh with partners are there any other things that you do to keep home and work separate?

Yes, having an office upstairs rather than working in the dining room! I rarely go in it at weekends, though DH does to do household financial admin stuff.

My DH is self employed and has been full time WFH for over 10 years. I have been office based for all of that time never doing more than 1 day a week from home.

He has a home office where he has desk, computer, and other equipment plus stock materials etc.

When I used to do one day a week I used his computer and his desk and he would try to arrange to do external meetings and non computer based tasks that day. We'd stagger our lunch so he could use the computer for an hour. More recently I have had a work laptop and as wfh was only occasional would work in the lounge dining room.

When lockdown happened I was put onto WFH. DH also became more home based as outlets closed and events cancelled. Initially I worked at the dining room table but this wasn't really satisfactory. Especially not when work provided second screens, full size keyboards and office chairs. It is felt like I was living in the office.

We have turned our spare room into another office. It isn't ideal but that separation is necessary. It is still a work in progress but I can shut the door and have a meeting without DH creeping past to get to the back door. We still pop in to offer the other one a drink when we are making one. We often overlap our lunch break too.

We did spend a bit of time and money on my office, we painted, bought new curtains and light fittings and a desk. Plus a decent speaker so I can listen to the radio. I need to get a fitted wardrobe in there so it looks tidier but that's on the to do list.

You need to use that upstairs room. Could you work up there together for a while and only use downstairs if one of you needs privacy? You need to make it a space that works for you.

Yes, having an office upstairs rather than working in the dining room!

Ditto!

I dunno if this is obvious, just to say you should both use headphones for meetings with selves muted as much as possible.

If your DH needs software and is working from home because of an employer decision then they should pay for the license. Presumably the licensing cost for the office will be going down.

If you are self-employed and working from home licenses should be offset against tax.

You're renting, so moving is feasible in the long term. It may not happen for a year (so you need to move off to separate rooms - I think your dh gets the upstairs room as you claimed the dining room first). But ultimately if your long term plan is both to be working from home, you need a long term plan for space. Dh and I both work from home (him all the time anyway and me usually 2 days a week normally but all the time now). He has a workshop and office space in an outbuilding and I have an office space in the house.

For us, we just don't talk to each other during the day. It's like a normal work day. I wouldn't call him during the day or talk to him over lunch, so we just don't engage except maybe in passing in the hall.

For everyone WFH. Make sure you have sorted all the legal / contractual / financial stuff . Check your employer’s Home Working policy.

Any implications for your rental agreement / mortgage / house insurance / council tax ?

Check how your employer is going to pay for / provide any equipment required eg desk, chair, monitors, headphones And mic , printer and cartridges, stationery

Will they be installing a separate phone line and / or broadband or paying your bill with your existing supplier?

How will they pay for the increased cost of heating and lighting?

Any implications for payment of travel expenses and time for travel if you have a new base?

What risk assessment will they carry out?

Make sure you get everything that you have agreed in writing. Even an email to your line manager saying “ so we have agreed x y and z “ is fine.

The thing is, I don't think it matters if he doesn't mind. If you do, then he needs to make another space somewhere else for himself, as you have been working there for a long time. It's not your problem to sort, it's his.