Working from home with DH - permanently

[Wfhconundrum]

This isn’t quite an Aibu really but would love any advice.

I work from home - it’s my own small business and renting an office wouldn’t be financially beneficial.

Dh has just been told that they are downsizing his office space so basically in the future he will only need to go into the office maybe once or twice a month.

I have an office space in the corner of our dining area - dh has been working from the dining table - we are literally about 2ft away from each other. No issues in terms of getting along etc, but it’s sometimes been tricky where say, one of us has a zoom call or whatever.

However now it’s looking to be an ongoing thing in starting to worry that spending literally all day every day together probably isn’t going to be that healthy. As I say, we’ve been fine but worry a bit about this.

We do have space for an office upstairs - but I hate it and so does dh, we both like where we are (though I want my bloody dining table back!)

Does anyone else work within close proximity like this? Any tips for staying sane?

I think this is going to become quite common - with employers thinking they can save money on renting premises large enough for everyone. The trouble is that, when it isn't a choice, it becomes an imposition on your home life. What about school holidays etc? It begins to reach the point when you want to charge your employer rent for using your home to conduct their business...

Sorry if this is a really stupid question but why does everyone talk about a laptop dock station?

I've been working from our dining room table, for one of my part time jobs, 2 days a week, since lockdown. It's so comfy, it's great.

My laptop is stored under the dining room table, on a ledge bit. I whip it out. I get my files, notepad etc from a dining room cupboard that I've allocated up myself. This takes literally a few seconds. Then at the end of the day I put it all away. Takes seconds.

It all works brilliantly. But now I'm starting to doubt myself.

Could you take it in turns to use the upstairs space? One week upstairs, one week downstairs?

Sorry haven’t read the whole thread so may of been suggested.

Is there any way for the office space upstairs to be made nicer?

I have had the box room as my office whilst H has had the dining table. He’s been a twat, getting annoyed when I go onto the kitchen for breakfast and lunch even though his boing voice can be heard in the box room.

Sorry if this is a really stupid question but why does everyone talk about a laptop dock station?

It depends somewhat on what you do and what laptop you have. One of the laptops i use for work is tiny and would be horrible to work on for any length of time both for typing and looking at the screen, and for what i do having multiple monitors is really useful.

When I did wfh I had the luxury of space so my office was set up in a corner of a room which was used as a kind of cross between a laundry room/potting shed, so it then had library and office added on to its uses. I am quite capable of ignoring everything when I'm working - if you put a cup of tea down beside me I'd not notice until after I'd drunk it!

I no longer work, but if I did, I'd buy one of those garden sheds for a few hundred quid, electrify and plumb it and work in there.

DH has a friend who's done that and it's amazing in there; he's added bits over the years and it really is luxurious now!

Pre lockdown I worked from home anyway. We moved 4 years ago and one of the main draws of our house was that it has a lovely downstairs study that I could use as my office. When lockdown started, my husband set himself up working from the dining room, but after a couple of weeks he was fed up with having his stuff all over the table and worried that we would stop using it as a dining room. He then gutted the shed, decorated it, and spent a few weeks using that as a home office. Then a couple of weeks ago the torrential rain started and he decided he preferred being in the house. At this point he started eyeing up my office and suggesting we share! No chance, we’ve been getting on really well but I think that is because we spend most of the day apart.
He has now set himself up in the spare bedroom. He didn’t like it at first, but I think he has settled in upstairs now. Each having a different room to go to really helps to separate work and home life.

On a separate note - even if I resolve the desk issue - we are still in the same house. Does anyone else do this on a normal basis? Do you have any “rules” or customs?

I work with my husband normally. That is how we met. It's not a problem at work. A lot of newer people don't realise that we are married.

Working from home, we have separate offices and we go into them at the start of the working day and come out at the end. Sometimes we lunch together. I think sharing the dining room table would be a strain. Quite how we would manage Teams meeting at the same time, I don't know.

Could you put a kettle and small fridge in the upstairs room so you can get coffee and snacks without going downstairs every time? Might make it feel a bit easier.

Quite nice to be able to eat lunch together though.

My DH and I both WFH on a permanent basis, and have done for about 10 years. We each have our own office - he uses the study downstairs and I use the box room upstairs. Both rooms are kitted out with big desks, decent lighting, multiple monitors and separate keyboard and mouse, storage. I also keep a fruit bowl on my desk and use a pint-sized water glass so I don’t have to run up and downstairs all the time - I tend to get engrossed in my work and dehydrate rather than breaking off to refill the glass. By having a larger glass I can make sure that I drink a full pint before lunch and another after lunch.

The other thing I did when I first started working in there was change the light shade. The room had previously been used as a bedroom and had soft lighting, which wasn’t conducive to work. So I swapped out the shade for a glass one and increased the brightness of the bulb, and it makes a world of difference.

If you have to work in a dual purpose room, I would always recommend orienting yourself such that you can’t see the accoutrements of the other use while you are working. So if the room is also used as a bedroom, place your desk so that your back is to the bed. Make your work space a work place - when you get up to leave, the bed should almost come as a surprise.

DH and I make a point of eating lunch together. We both leave our offices and sit in the garden, or watch the lunchtime news on tv - that is our ‘chat with colleagues/watercooler’ time. It makes a real difference. Very occasionally we can’t make it work between each of our meetings, but then the other will make our lunch and bring it to our desk, or leave it in the kitchen for when we are free.

We've had this exact situation.

I've been the one who's moved upstairs to the newly kitted out spare room, because I tried it and I loved it.

I love being out of the way so much more than I thought it would , and DH has to deal with the dog, the postman, deliveries etc. It's absolutely brilliant!

OP I would suggest setting up the available space upstairs as a calls area to start with and gradually one or both of you move there to work permanently.
If you have the available space, it is good to keep house area separate if you can. It depends how distracted you get by the work ‘clutter’.
DH and me have shared the same (very long desk) in the past about 8-10 years ago in the office room of a past home. Not every day of the week though. We used headphones for calls and it seemed to work fine and neither one of us was in the view of each other’s video camera. Zoom didn’t exist back then but same principle. Although there were mostly audio calls. We actually had a separate spare room suitable as another office space and ready to use but it just worked for us better at the time and got along just fine.
In our current home again we have two separate rooms used as office and we do work separately but I wouldn’t have a problem sharing a room, space, desk with DH again.

Don't worry about dock station if something else works for you.

I brought home my entire desktop system. I needed 2 big monitors for the big spreadsheets & multiple software I use simultaneously Docking station would be neat to have a 3rd screen if I ran the system off a high spec laptop, but the crisis-induced spending freeze meant no alternative equipment to the whole desktop setup.

DH works off a small laptop screen in the lounge, works fine for him.

Pandora's list is cute, but for me irrevelant given I'm working without a contract or salary & there's a crisis-induced spending freeze & the only other jobs in my area are care work...

If the upstairs office is big enough for a king sized bed, could you make it your bedroom?
Would your bedroom then be better as the office? Does it have better light etc.

I think the lighting would be cause of conflict if I worked in the same room as my husband. He like to work in semi-darkness and I prefer it bright.

Who works longer hours?
Who has more stress and responsibility?

I think the person who you both agree to be “yes” to above two questions has the better work environment (although both sound decent options to me as the upstairs room can be enhanced)

One tip I read for arranging a home office is to put the desk as you would in an office at work, facing the door/room rather than the wall/window. It is more conducive to working.

I no longer work, but if I did, I'd buy one of those garden sheds for a few hundred quid, electrify and plumb it and work in there.

I presume this poster lives in an all round warm climate country.

A bitter snowy Jan morning in the north of the UK - a shed for a “few hundred quid” is going to be torturous even with electricity!

You need separate spaces. Even if you manage very well together.

@Atadaddicted hmmm tricky to say. Hours - probably me (it’s my own business) but on the other hand I have much more flexibility.
Stress - again probably me (but that’s what I took on in running a business by myself). Two very different jobs and very different circumstances.

We have decided to stay as is for right now in case anything changes with his office - while he has been told “come in once or twice a month” I don’t want to get rid of a brand new bed, mattress etc if they change their minds come September!

I don’t want to get rid of a brand new bed, mattress etc

Too late for you, but when I first wfh, living in a 2 bedroom rental in the US - needing both an office and a guest room - the solution was to get a good sofa bed. Of course that only works if there's room for desk and chair etc when it's pulled out, but it can be a good option.

Thank you lljkk. I do really need 2 screens. But at the moment I'm managing, on the rubbish laptop they gave me on the day I started, just before lockdown!

^ Sorry if this is a really stupid question but why does everyone talk about a laptop dock station?^^

It depends somewhat on what you do and what laptop you have. One of the laptops i use for work is tiny and would be horrible to work on for any length of time both for typing and looking at the screen, and for what i do having multiple monitors is really useful.^

Similar. I do code development on software with a lot of 3d graphics. Our standard R&D work kit (regardless of office or wfh) is a high end laptop with good graphics processor, dock, keyboard, mouse, headset and a couple of decent sized monitors. It's good because if you need to travel you just take out the laptop and either use it by itself or stick it into a dock in another office.
And it gives extra USB ports for external hard drives, printer or whatever.

I'd always had 'desktop' (ie under desk boxes) machines before, was somewhat sceptical about using a laptop on a dock but it's great - it just sits in the corner but portable if needbe.

[quote Wfhconundrum]@SoloMummy I thought about that actually - the confidentiality thing. It’s not so much an issue my side (it’s a limited company - dh is, in theory part of it), but on his side it certainly could be.

So now I really do have an Aibu! Aibu to say he goes upstairs as I was here first [/quote]
I'd say that yes he should relocate "upstairs".
What's so 'bad' about being upstairs? My office is downstairs and I do now prefer it to when I was upstairs. But there's no view looking out on to the garden where I am now. However, I do manage to answer the doorbells etc which upstairs I can't.
Could the space be made more effective for him?

Me and DH work from home permanently. Personally I have to be on my own in a room, can't bear it otherwise (long term anyway). But yes we get along fine and it works brilliantly for us... although we did move to house where we would both have our own office space - before that it was a strain because we were extremely cramped.
Do you have another room downstairs e.g. a lounge? Could it work to make your lounge room upstairs and then the lounge downstairs becomes an office - then you both have separate office space downstairs? Or the room upstairs that you don't like as an office - would you like it as a bedroom? So then your current bedroom becomes an office?