To be annoyed at this gift request

[Jamielynn]

Hi everyone! Just wanted some opinions whether I was being sensitive here and overreacting about a situation that’s happened recently.

I bought my youngest brother in law a birthday gift from Selfridges from a brand I’ve seen him wear a lot. Usually my (now) DH would get him something from both of us, but since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself. I initially wanted to give a gift card but DH insisted it wasn’t personal enough so I bought an expensive item of clothing that I thought was his style. I asked DH’s opinion and he agreed that it was lovely and he’d appreciate it

Now.. brother in law wants me to return the gift and give him money instead. He didn’t tell me directly but MIL told me that he doesn’t like it and would prefer if I returned it and gave him money instead.

Am I right to be a bit annoyed at this or am I being unreasonable?

Deduct the amount you spent on traveling to and from to get the present and keep due yourself as a reimbursement. Gift him the rest in cash, or forget as others have said. Cheeky of him!

Give him £21 in 1 p coins.

@istheresomethingishouldknow

FFS.

Tell him/her you no longer have the receipt so he'll need to use the gift receipt and sort it out himself. And you won't bother in future.

Yep

we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself. I initially wanted to give a gift card

This makes little sense, although a good idea given the outcome. What did your new husband Normally give his brother as present?

Sounds like you were part of an unpleasant test.

Return the item, don’t give him the money, make no mention of it. It’s quite one thing to use the gift receipt towards something else but to demand you provide a cash alternative is outrageous.

@honeylulu

This is bonkers! I used to get separate gifts for my boyfriend's family (and he mine) but once we were engaged I bought for mine and he bought for his and all gifts were signed from both of us. I strongly recommend it. "Insisting" you should buy his squirt of a brother an expensive gift of your own, my arse! What does the brother get you for your birthday I wonder ...? Let me guess - fuck all, by any chance?

I am a bit evil but I can't abide ingratitude and bad manners. I would collect from MIL, return item, keep MY £100, give nothing else. If chased (which again would be VERY rude) I would say "oh sorry not sorry I've realized funds are tight this month so I can't give any cash". And that would be the last present ever.

100% this

I suspect your dh thought it would be a nice thing for you to do so HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. WIFE-WORK.

OP... Think I missed your reply to previous poster.. What did BIL get you for your wedding and previous birthday? Did you keep it...
Far too much money to spend IMO...

I wouldn’t want clothes being bought for me. Take it back & give him cash or gift card.

I wouldn't do this as I think it's rude, but fair enough if he doesn't like the gift - but he should return it and get something else, not ask for money. Bad manners in my opinion, and don't ever buy him a gift again.

I am a bit evil but I can't abide ingratitude and bad manners. I would collect from MIL, return item, keep MY £100, give nothing else. If chased (which again would be VERY rude) I would say "oh sorry not sorry I've realized funds are tight this month so I can't give any cash". And that would be the last present ever.

Oh - just read this, and it's the best advice. He sounds like an entitled little shit.

for the people saying op is bu did you miss the part where he didnt say thanks just wanted some cash instead

This struck me: Usually my (now) DH would get him something from both of us, but since we got married a few months ago we thought it’d be nice if I picked out something for him from myself.

Please be careful that you don't end up with all the life admin and "woman's work" of buying the gifts, keeping track of birthdays, etc. Look at all the extra trouble this has caused! Let your husband buy for his family from both of you and vice versa for you buying for your family.

I like the idea of returning it then giving £50 cash. You either get a thoughtful £100 value gift or £50 thoughtless cash. He wants cash, he gets cash.

I actually think MIL is at fault firstly she should of put her son in his place and told him to find some manners.... I don’t think it’s her place to relay or get involved in passing a gift back!
It’s taking the piss if you put a gift receipt in too. I wouldn’t buy anything again.

@goingtotown

I wouldn’t want clothes being bought for me. Take it back & give him cash or gift card.

There must be something in selfridges that you would like surely!

@happytoday73 nothing and nothing! He got BIL some very expensive perfume but nothing for me. I mentioned it to DH and he said BIL shouldn’t be expected to get me a wedding gift. I think I’m starting to see a problem here

@user1494055864 this one is my favourite 😂

“Oh sorry you didn’t like it. I lost the original receipt so I got myself a top I liked. Don’t worry, your brother is sorting your present out from us both. Hope you had a lovely day”

I would be really pissed off, I would return it and not even give him the cash or just a lesser value.
He's not even mature enough to tell you himself

@Thehop this is great. I like how you’ve worded it. I think I’ll use this (though I might add “please enjoy this lynx gift set instead”)

Give him the cash gift he asked for, but don’t embarass him (the poor wee lamb): whatever he spent in on your or your b’day is what you should spend on him.

Might be just me, but I think buying clothes for any adult unless they have indicated a specific item, is a bit odd. How do you know what a young male 21 year old likes? My ex MIL was forever buying me posh label items of clothing as presents - none of which ever suited me and none of which I ever wore. Yes, I smiled sweetly and said thank you and then shoved them in the back of the wardrobe ....but I wasn’t 21. He would have preferred the money or a gift voucher I bet.

I dont understand why anyone would prefer a gift recipient pretended to like a gift but immediately took it to the charity shop (or threw it in the bin) rather than return it and give them the cash instead. I mean what difference does it really make, it doesn't cost anything?

If this is something that bothers you then you really should be giving highly personal gifts, in future just give generic gift cards.

He's being a brat.