Has life knocked the stuffing out of you?

[Wheredoesthetimego1]

Read something earlier that caused a load of memories to come flooding back about my teen years. I'm amazed remembering some of the stuff I used to do! I seemed to have a sense of self-belief, a naive confidence that I've not had for many years. I did stuff, and tried stuff, and achieved stuff.

Funny thing is at the time I still thought I was inadequate in a way and felt restless to achieve more. But I didn't let feeling inadequate in this way hold me back, it just seemed to make me throw myself into stuff even more eagerly.

I'm not talking about being an Olympian or having the potential to be one or anything all fairly standard things really, but I just seemed to have a sense of determination I lack now. I have had a lot of hard knocks, a lot to do with health, and a lot of anxiety as a result.

Can anyone relate? Like unrelenting years of stress changed you in a way?

I've had alt of stress during tbe last few years and it does take it out of you. I'm trying to work back to the me I was but it 's hard. So yes, I understand what your saying

Yep I have. Even in my thirties I went travelling and tried so many new things. Now I just want to get through the day and collapse in bed just for it all to start again in the morning.

Yup. Two major natural disasters, relocation to the other side of the world, and pandemic.

I ain't got nothing left in the tank.

Yes. I grew up in an abusive home, escaped and married an abusive man. Escaped, ended up with another abusive man who is in prison now. I then had therapy, met a nice man and things were finally looking up. Then I was diagnosed with a chronic condition that has meant I have had to go very part time or not work at all, which means a lot less money. I have also found out I am infertile and we had planned adoption, but the chronic condition now makes this unlikely.

All my plans about travelling and children and career are gone now. I have always been an optimist and I tried focusing on other things. Had a lovely year planned and then 2020 happened. Haven't been able to leave the house since March as am shielding. I have just given up now, I feel battered by life.

Yeah I think it has a bit. I don't have the same confidence in myself any more. In your teens and early twenties, you're often high on a wave of youthful invincibility, but the older I get the more I realise how much I fall short of the person I wanted to be.

I may have had that careless insouciance, but what I didn't have as a teen is the steely confidence that comes from having gone through hard things and kept going.

Maybe it is living for many years side by side with a young person with physical and mental health problems, knowing that I am their security, that whatever happens I must not fail you and I will not fail you. You will live and if that means you have to believe you can walk on water then I will make you believe that.

We had a rehearsal of the pandemic last year, when dd caught an ordinary virus, lost her speech and nearly all other functions and did not regain her proper ability to walk for nearly a year. We kept going. She went to her classes even though she kept fainting in mid-lesson. She never saw how frightened I was. What she saw was that I believed that she would keep going.

So sorry, Barbed - no wonder you feel so defeated.

Yes, I struggle with life. Currently having immunotherapy for a very rare and unpleasant form of lymphoma. My skin cracked and bleeding as it tries to heal itself (one of the symptoms), my partner left me in 2011 without ever explaining why, although he did describe me (and his daughter) as a burden. Daughter has all sorts of mental health issues.

That said, there are birds in the garden, food growing and Pimm's. Some days are bearable because of family, friends, intelligent conversation, nature and just holding on.

So hold on those of us leaking stuffing. You sound steely cory and long may be you be that rock.

Sending empathy and hope to all.

Yes and no. I feel tougher than I did before though.

Yup. Having kids has knocked it all out of me. But perversely has also helped me in a lot of ways. I'm a lot more confident about so many things, but have such bad anxiety about going to the Supermarket with my kids.

i think the heat has.
that and the resulting lack of sleep.

A few years ago, I had a horrendous time- illnesses, accidents, bereavement and I did feel the stuffing had been knocked out of me. It took over a year till I started to climb slowly out of it again.

Glad to hear Anna - may you go from strength to strength.

Yes I have, some days worse than others.

I seem to have lost 15 years in raising my kids

Now peri menopausal and this has affected my thoughts and feelings about myself too.

Trying to re-inflate but it is difficult

Since I got pregnant. Albeit that was 17 years ago. I went from a normal happy skinny person.

To someone with massive medical
Problems after giving birth. Still have them now. Every year since then I have had something else go wrong with me medically wise. I am
Now b12 deficient vitamins d deficient. I can no longer eat wheat or dairy. I have ibs and a bladder that reacts to all foods in a painful way.

I have neck pain. Bad back. Broken hands. Bad hips bad knees and a bladder that doesn’t work. I have also been diagnosed with a muscles problem. I also have tinnitus.

Everyday I go to work in pain and am exhausted when I get home. To say the stuffing has been kicked out of me would be an understatement.

My doctor thinks I’m unlucky. I think as all this started when I got pregnant it was pregnancy that ruined me. I’m tired of getting up in pain. I’m tired of having to push myself everyday. I’m just plain tired.
My son is a gorgeous and wonderful 16 year old boy who I have a more than wonderful relationship with. I love him dearly. But it has cost me everything.

Completely.

I’m next to useless now.

As a teen and early twenties I wanted to do everything, worked really physically hard, was fit as a fiddle.

Then someone up there decided to fuck with my health, and to keep on doing it.

I now have more than my fair share of chronic conditions.

Then I got Coronavirus. The stuffing has definitely been knocked out of me. I don't know if there is any fight left in me.

Ordinarily I'd say no. I'm quite a breezy, happy sort. Lockdown, a neck injury that's left me in constant pain and a general malaise has taken over and I'm just tired. Tired of being tired, tired of groundhog day, tired of trying to juggle 500 things to make others happy.

I really feel like this at the moment.

In the last 6 years there's been miscarriages, a desperately ill parent, partner becoming disabled then becoming suicidal, job bullying, financial crisis, legal problems and a couple of kids.

I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not sure if I'll ever get back to the "old me". Does she exist? I can't imagine being happy again tbh. Though I do enjoy my life in a way and I have a lot of determination. But I get overwhelmed so easily as there's just been so much to deal with.

Since I’ve been in my 30s life just seems ‘blah’ I seem to have lost myself, I was really in to music and now I couldn’t tell you of anybody in the top 50 charts or any band past 2014! I’m desperate to do something but actually going ahead with things seems too much trouble. I’m existing rather than living.

I'm feeling really humbled and giving myself a bloody good kick up the arse reading what others have gone through.

Sometimes, you just don't have the mental strength to be a Pollyanna, and count your blessings - until you hear others woes. And yours shrivel in comparison.

Wishes of strength and healing to you all.

Yes. A crappy, abusive relationship and a terrible job (with several crappy, bullying colleagues and a dreadful employer) have destroyed my confidence.

I’m well out of the relationship and I don’t think I’ll go back to that job after maternity leave. I think I’ll retrain and do something else.

Periodically, but I'm a stubborn cow and I keep coming back.

I'm a stubborn cow and I keep coming back.

LOL, yeah, I'm a bloody minded cow myself. And after all, what's the alternative? Especially if you have kids? You do have to just keep on, keeping on.

Completely and utterly running on empty. I've always come back fighting but not this time. Four close family deaths in two years, last being DH's sudden death six weeks ago. Yet my 'D'M still thinks she should be put first. I have nothing left. to you all cheers!