Has life knocked the stuffing out of you?

[Wheredoesthetimego1]

Read something earlier that caused a load of memories to come flooding back about my teen years. I'm amazed remembering some of the stuff I used to do! I seemed to have a sense of self-belief, a naive confidence that I've not had for many years. I did stuff, and tried stuff, and achieved stuff.

Funny thing is at the time I still thought I was inadequate in a way and felt restless to achieve more. But I didn't let feeling inadequate in this way hold me back, it just seemed to make me throw myself into stuff even more eagerly.

I'm not talking about being an Olympian or having the potential to be one or anything all fairly standard things really, but I just seemed to have a sense of determination I lack now. I have had a lot of hard knocks, a lot to do with health, and a lot of anxiety as a result.

Can anyone relate? Like unrelenting years of stress changed you in a way?

A lifetime of trauma has eroded me. Most of the time I don’t realise I’m not me - then someone from 20/30 years ago will tell me I was the vivacious, ambitious and talented one - and I wonder where she went.

I always bounce back - but I don’t think I’ll ever be “her” again.

I’ve had a lot of trauma in my life and ongoing struggles. I had a complex childhood and many terrible things happened to me in my late teens, but being that I age I had a fight and determination that I would get through and an unshakable belief that things would get better.

My motto used to be: no matter how shit things are, no matter how bleak and never ending things may feel NOTHING stays the same CHANGE will come.

However with age and DC’s in the mix and a series of traumas and illness, now as an adult I’m no where near as fearless or as optimistic as I once was. I still do believe that things can change but I’m now much more aware that change is not necessarily always better, indeed sometimes it is worse. I also feel much less able to effect that change, where as when I was younger I would have just gotten up and found a way to make it happen, regardless of how impossible it may have seemed. It really makes me sad I don’t have that anymore, I would have liked my children to see that, to see that you can get up and make a difference, that you don’t have to passively let things happen to you.

I still consider myself strong, but it’s getting harder and has taken its toll. I can’t remember many times in life where I have felt able to relax and just think it’s going to be ok, or that it IS ok. I feel like I have constantly been fighting and struggling for things to be better. These days it’s a struggle just to keep myself together never mind much else.

I think I’m probably burnt out, I’m so very very tired. I think the one thing I am proud of is that I do keep just putting one foot in front of the other. I am tired yes, it’s hard yes, but do I feel like giving up, no! I hope I don’t ever feel like giving up, though some days I have wished I wasn’t so bloody stubborn and that I could just give up already as it would just be a damn sight easier. I suppose I just wish I had the energy and vigour and optimism that I once had. Fighting the fight and keeping on going is so much easier when you don’t doubt that there will be rest and reward at the end. Later in life when you’ve conquered/survived so many mountains, only to find that more mountains still stand in you way, it’s exhausting, and I’m exhausted!!

Yes.
This time I think I'm done.
Well no I'm not as I'll keep going for Dc and dh but I have nothing left. There's no joy in anything.

Yes.

My life has been pretty relentless though with shit that happened to me. If I told you everything you’d probably think I’d made half of it up.

With every new thing that happens I lose a little more resilience and a little more of myself. I feel like I’m almost depleted now.

There are three great things which tend to really leave lasting harm :
Loss
Illness
Financial issues

I’ve escaped a lot of tragedy, so far. However, I am something of the opposite to many as my life didn’t alter much at all, and this so my own brand of Groundhog Day.....

Not wealthy, but bob along, didn’t have children and never wanted a mortgage, so now in comparison to others in their 40’s I often feel as if I’m waving from a long lost beach.
It has its ups, downs, joys, regrets, but overall I chose this so it’s ok.
It’s my responsibility.

The three things I listed at the start of my post are the cruncher though.
I’ve seen so many families and friends torn apart surrounding these issues.

I made a mistake last year that cost me a lot of money, money that won’t be easy to recoup. It was on a ‘dream’ that I’d worked towards.
I often sit wondering what was the point, why did I have to get that far only to fuck up? It was merely circumstance, but it does knock you mentally, spiritually, whatever your outlook on life is.
Im somewhat spiritual, but not religious.
I don’t believe in karma.

It’s as if, as we age, we often suffer a depletion off energy. Not necessarily physical. Like a sieve leaking water. Add tragedy to that and....

And society/culture trains us to chase similar things, marriage, kids, certain jobs, expectations of keeping up, having the right body, etc.

We are sold so many lies, really.
Who where we when younger and what did we really want?

I wanted To be an artist, with an art studio in a rural setting.
I got both, but not in the shape I had hoped. At all!

Love. Strength and best wishes to all ❤️
(Sorry for small novel)

Oh,mane for me, one of the most wearing, energy screwing experiences was living for a long period of time in a horrible neighbourhood with bad neighbours.

Myself and DP (together 26 yrs) we’re stuck there for 7 yrs due to his work.
It doesn’t compare even slightly to many of the traumas and suffering in this thread but oh Christ it can ruin a person inside and out.

I'm feeling like this. Grew up in a home with a violent father and narc of a mother. I went no contact at 21, and my other siblings are 'flying monkeys' so I have nothing to do with them either. The only way I got through life for a long time was having a 'pollyanna' type character, but this led me into the hands of abusive partners, and friends who weren't really friends but rather just someone they could use for entertainment, then dump once they got a new boyfriend. I'm left feeling incredibly isolated, alone and angry now awareness has dawned as to how trauma has led me to not stand up for myself over the years. I look back on my past life and the naivety and people pleasing I had due to growing up in a home where I was constantly walking on eggshells and think 'poor cow'. I've been a victim of sexual violence, which then resulted in ill health, and during that time I was with a totally unsupportive partner. My career is non-existent, despite doing very well in school I chose pointless humanities subjects which have left me with few practical skills, and were full of POMO bullshit. As I have never drunk the kool aid on that score, I've never been able to fit in with the kind of careers where such training might be acceptable.
BUT, I have my health, I'm not lumbered with a manchild (and thank god I never had kids with any of those I was involved with), my critical faculties and bullshit detector have sharpened, so technically I have a chance to start again. It is difficult, though, to find the energy to bounce back when you've had the stuffing knocked out of you, but then, what choice do we have? Wishing all on this thread strength

I'm sorry, what does POMO stand for? Can't find anything on Google that makes sense.

I have made poor career choices resulting in years of guilt and anxiety and exhaustion. Had a hard time having four kids in a short space of time, a move from the other side of the world with two toddlers, setting up here then losing my mum, mil and fil within a few years all unexpected and sudden. Also lost a couple of friends to suicide. Changed career and was much happier generally but all gone a bit pear shaped again recently and feel like I'm running out of options in my mid fifties. suffered a bout of bad depression last year that I still haven't really recovered from. I just try to get through each day really and keep going.

ShebaShimmyShake Postmodern.
I forgot to even mention that I was bullied out of my last job, previously had to live in a homeless hostel because I couldn't go home, and had neighbours from hell who terrorised me for almost a year, including putting bricks through my window, all whilst I lived alone with no family or partner.
If you were raised in an abusive home it sets you up for a lifetime of problems, mental, practical and physical. No support network, low boundaries, lack of self-esteem and health problems. This is something that is starting to be recognised.
www.ted.com/talks/nadine_burke_harris_how_childhood_trauma_affects_health_across_a_lifetime
Of course it's possible to learn to manage these difficulties, but they will always have to be managed, it will always be an extra effort.

Totally agree, and I want to mention again Pete Walker’s book CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving which has been a complete game changer for me recently.

@Beatrixpotterspencil that was a really lovely post. Thank you for taking the time to write that.

I’m in the same boat. An awful bullying boss, setting up a business, family illness and home life have knocked me for six. I was very unwell from it last year after 4 years of struggling.

I don’t know if I’ll get back to happier, relaxed ‘me’. I feel like she’s gone away and might never come back, but I’m hoping she’s just gone on a long holiday. My resilience feels low, I get overwhelmed easily but I’m putting one foot in front of the other.

I’m now looking after myself mentally and physically in a much better way than I have over the last 5 years. I’m becoming more aware that I need to look after myself, and that’s ok. It sometimes means looking ‘boring’ to some people in regards to tamer weekends (pre lockdown!) but I’m ok with that 😊

I hope everyone on here finds a little bit of peace and relaxation from life. The app Smiling mind has been an amazing help for me

Thank you everyone for sharing. I feel less alone.

Yeah.

Like some pp I was always proud of the fact that whatever happened to me, I always made out of the other side.
Now I think I wasn't really doing that at all. I kept going but all that 'stuff' was piling on top of each other without me even realising it.
Now it's all came to ahead and I feel well and truly fucked atm.
Like what was all that for? I've ran myself into the ground and for what? Still no thanks, no respect, no care. And now I'm facing the truth that I've done this to myself but I was only ever trying to do the decent/right thing. I feel deserted, ashamed and worthless and I see no way out this time. The strength I had is gone and I'm trying to work out why I felt the need to be strong in the first place. Its done me no favours.

Feel like I've had the stuffing knocked out of me .I know people have gone through a lot worse .the last two years I've been through separation and divorve then quickly met someone else. Its just the way it happened . It didn't work out . He had isdued he needed to deal with it .ots been hard but looking back I didn't have that time on my own after separation with husband . So it was lots of emotion separation then meeting someone else .it's been too much although I am happy. I do feel lost and think omg who am I. My mojo feels low and stuffing knocked out just wondered if anyone else been through this xx

Yep. Chronically ill and disabled with regular flare ups and new diagnoses. I can't work and probably won't again, I can't stay in one positon for more than 5-10 minutes so many things aren't enjoyable like going to the cinema, restaurant etc. I'm 23 and feel like I finished all the new things in my life when I was 12 as after that everything got bad. Thankfully my husband can provide for us and I live a very comfortable life in every way except physically.

Covid has made it worse- I'm very vulnerable and can't have the vaccine so while everyone else carries on with their lives I and people like me sit at home scared to leave in case unvaccinated or unmasked people try to kill us.