Has life knocked the stuffing out of you?

[Wheredoesthetimego1]

Read something earlier that caused a load of memories to come flooding back about my teen years. I'm amazed remembering some of the stuff I used to do! I seemed to have a sense of self-belief, a naive confidence that I've not had for many years. I did stuff, and tried stuff, and achieved stuff.

Funny thing is at the time I still thought I was inadequate in a way and felt restless to achieve more. But I didn't let feeling inadequate in this way hold me back, it just seemed to make me throw myself into stuff even more eagerly.

I'm not talking about being an Olympian or having the potential to be one or anything all fairly standard things really, but I just seemed to have a sense of determination I lack now. I have had a lot of hard knocks, a lot to do with health, and a lot of anxiety as a result.

Can anyone relate? Like unrelenting years of stress changed you in a way?

OMG StopGo, I am so sorry for your loss.

No, I’d say the opposite actually. I’ve had a lot of trauma and sadness and actually I think that’s given me a quiet determination and a real appreciation for regular, mundane life. I’m so very grateful to not be suicidal, I feel very lucky to have my daughter and partner and my little boring life.

@mbosnz

I'm a stubborn cow and I keep coming back.

LOL, yeah, I'm a bloody minded cow myself. And after all, what's the alternative? Especially if you have kids? You do have to just keep on, keeping on.

Yes. I come back recalibrated and changed (not always for the better, if I'm honest) but I do come back.

I think I'll be playing 'I get knocked down, but I get up again' on YouTube Friday tonight. . .

I fight every day to be kind to myself.
Three marriages and a pattern of increasing abuse.
The last saw me escaping to a refuge at 48 with only a small bag of clothes.
But I started again each time.
At 26, 48 and 59.
At 64 I see a future.
Stuffing knocked out of me, for sure.
But there is a way back.
Be kind to yourself.
Have compassion for yourself.
Look forward to the small things.
At 64 and about to be made redundant from a job I've worked hard at for just over 4 years.
I added value to that.
I keep pushing for the life that is mine.
I only have this one.
I have to make it my life.

to all x

No. I had an emotionally abusive childhood, an abusive marriage, a divorce and a bereavement. I have had to keep going, what's the alternative?

Yes (although after reading some of the stories on here, I feel that I dont have the right to feel like that). Years of problems with my Dad and his partner, she didn't want to know the family (lost my Mum in 2002), sudden death of a very good friend in 2014, then lost my MIL in 2015, then had to deal with a horrible work situation in 2016, Following on from that a couple of difficult years with my Son, some school refusal, football injuries, challenging behaviour, Dad very ill in 2018 but pulled through. Really need to sort my career out, I'm 45 work for myself (merchandiser, price checker), lockdown has been hard for everyone, have been on and off ADs over the past few years, DH has had a lot of stress with work, have just moved to a house (did it for DH really) and tbh miss our old house really badly, this house is better for us as a family but less convenient for me. I just feel, flat, down, don't know what to sort out first. Not sure I've got the energy to sort anything out.

Yes without a doubt.
I try so hard to change and improve mine and ds lives but if something can go wrong it will. Every time.
If I believed in woo and shit I would swear that I'm cursed. Even friends and family comment on how unlucky I am.

Know what you mean @RoryGilmoresEvilTwin - my family say "what have you done in a previous life!".

I have had the stuffing knocked out of me more times than I care to mention... Ds1 born prematurely died at 2 hours old... Ds2 nearly died at 2 weeks old... Then diagnosed with profound hearing loss and disabilities at 2 years old...
Ds2 found my DH dead in bed two days before his 5th birthday... Ds2 diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome at 13 years old.
DP diagnosed with terminal cancer 2 months after we got together... This was at the same time as ds2 college was closing and real possibility of him being made homeless..
DP then died of cancer 2 years ago.... 😔 😔 😔 😔 😔

It is sad reading about the difficulties so many of us have. I think it is also a bit sad wondering about the person you used to be, before traumatic things happened.

I have a good life now myself, I enjoy it and am thankful for it - I think teenage me would be frustrated with me if she could see how much anxiety I have though, because I'm always aware how things can change and how hard they can be. I don't think I would ever be able to get back to who I was before. I know too much about how bad things can get. But that's ok too, I'm just different now.

The positive is it also makes me appreciate the good things to an extra degree I didn't when young!

I think our culture is allergic to recognising that we all go through the most appalling shit, so we're (speaking for myself anyway) quite shocked when our, even modest, life plans crash and burn.

The longer I live the more I think the hardest thing is to is keep finding some moments of happiness and contentment along the way. A 'you can't break me' attitude to fate or whatever it is that causes these disasters.

After the life I'm having, I'm aware that I can be broken, but not yet. Not yet.

I'm feeling really humbled and giving myself a bloody good kick up the arse reading what others have gone through.

mbosnz, have some anyway. It's not a competition and you're allowed to be exhausted too.

Not suggesting you miss out that kick up the arse, mind, if you think it'll help!

In fact, to everyone on this thread.

And, more importantly, .

@AutumnLeavesSeptember

Know what you mean *@RoryGilmoresEvilTwin* - my family say "what have you done in a previous life!".

I had a consultant as a manager who instigated a conversation about karma. I said I couldn't see how I had done anything in my life to merit what had happened to me (no details given) She said it was probably something I had done in a previous life. Quite extraordinary.

@Elderflower14 dear God I'm so sorry you and your family had to endure all that. My respect to you for getting through somehow. I'm so sorry for the loss of your darling boy and your partners

Life had been going well for me until my late 30s. Had a great career, lots of friends and family, travelled and moved to US permanently which I’d always wanted to do. Got married, and had an easy pregnancy despite being in my late 30s.

Nothing could have prepared me for having a baby with multiple life threatening illnesses. By 3 months old, my baby had already had two open heart surgeries, and was starting chemotherapy. Gradually, his conditions improved, though the treatments took their toll on his health and development. Suddenly, just a few days after his 8th birthday, he ended up in the ICU, and died of heart failure.

During the years I spent caring for him, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, but having a little boy with special needs to care for pushed me to keep going. There are no words to describe how painful it is to lose a child. Life has brought me to my knees, and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

“Hold on to those of us leaking stuffing”

absolutely love this.

I have had to keep going, what's the alternative?

Yes, we all do keep going to the very best of our ability. People generally do the best they can with the resources they have available at the time.

What I'm saying is different I guess. It's more that I think that people who have not had a lot of trauma have a certain buoyancy, that I think I last saw in myself as a teen. A long time ago.

So I keep going, but I do think I've lost some of that mixture of confidence, energy and enthusiasm because life kicked the shit out of me for a sustained period of time.

AMCoffeePMWine just all the in the world

OP, I'm exactly like you. I too feel that I haven't got that joyous sparkle of determination anymore. I honestly think I've overdone it, pushed myself too hard over the years. Then I achieved most of what I wanted, and it's good, but pretty mundane - probably because I don't need to push myself too often anymore. I think I got a bit burnt out and also left with a void as most of big things are out of the way. One, the biggest - children, is still ahead, but I've gone through multiple losses and that is the final thing that killed that joyous, enthusiastic "I'll be on top of the world" oompf in me. It's quite sad really. I don't get this adrenaline rush that used to keep me going anymore. I don't think I'm as happy, or maybe as carefree? and brave as I was when I was younger. I feel sad about losing that part of my personality. I'd like it to return.

@GameSetMatch
I am exactly the same, literally no enjoyment in any of the things I once loved, music,books, film ect.. is it just an age thing I wonder? ( I'm 40) Everything now is just blah.. I don't know how or when it became like this, it does feel more like an existence rather than living.

Had a few tough years when the dses were little, started with lost twin in pregnancy, bereavement, cancer diagnosis and treatment, further bereavement.

It took its toll and I definitely aged mentally and physically. It's a long time ago now and I did get myself back together but it definitely changed me.

I have thought about this a lot the last couple of years.

I used to be a lot more capable (at work, socially) but I don’t know if actually it was just confidence and now with age and life being shit and you get fat and grey and people talk to you differently your confidence declines and you just shy away from things you would once be able to do without any issue.

My dad absolutely fell apart about 20 years ago when something particularly nasty happened and someone died. He wasn’t responsible but he was there and the person was close to him. My dad has never been the same since. His health failed, his mood blackened and he more or less stopped talking save for grunts now and again. I think life absolutely knocked the stuffing out of him.

In the context of that i worry, as I am very similar to him, that I could go the same way. I have dealt with a lot of shit in the last two years and managed to keep it together but maybe there’s a straw that breaks the camels back... and I fall down the hole. I don’t want to end up like him, he’s just existing, not living.