To think the DSC shouldn't come today?

[PuddleOfOrangeJuice]

The (lovely) DSC are due round today but there has been a disaster in the house. We had a flood last week which seems to have damaged the electrics, as of last night the built in cooker and hob don't work nor do any of the lights in the house. Only the plug sockets work.

The lights aren't an issue as it's summer but we have no way of cooking them a hot meal and I can see that being something their mum will gripe about.

An electrician is due round today but there's no guarantee it will be sorted by the time they come.

A builder is also due round this afternoon to examine and measure up building work that is to be done upstairs.

On top of that I'm having the period from hell and am terribly stressed.

Juggling all this with my two here is difficult enough and if my DM were available I would be asking her if she could mind them for me. With everything going on in the house I think juggling 4 children will be hard today.

I haven't said this to DH as I don't want to interrupt the DSC routine, but AIBU to think perhaps he should rearrange today?

Yes, unreasonable. What you’re really saying is mum should bear the burden of your household difficulties and cancel whatever her plans may have been to accommodate you.

I am sure your step children will be happy with a sandwich or if it has to be hot, a bag of chips.

I don’t think any of that seems a good enough reason for children not to come to their dads house.

It’s a nuisance having things go wrong in the house but that’s just normal life.

I think YAB slightly U. Just carry on as normal. No hot meal. I am not sure how small they are, but they should understand that accidents happen.
It is very inconvenient and I hope all get sorted quickly, but DSC are your DH’s responsibility for the day 💐 (Including you)

Totally unreasonable. Their dad doesn’t just get to opt out.
I’m all for a good relationship - in this case, my ex my ring me and say things has gone pear shaped, and could our son stay with me? But that’s against a backdrop of a flexible arrangement that works for our son.
But really - your husband shouldn’t not see his kids because you have a bad period etc.
Why isn’t he dealing with it all and letting you rest?

For me, if I were aware the children's mother was likely to kick off over a lack of a hot meal, and there's a possibility that this could be the case, I'd be letting her know the situation and saying that if she's not okay with this, then she needs to make the call that the kids don't come.

For the rest of it, I'd be saying that DH needs to step up.

It’s a shit day but they are family not guests so it’ll be fine

Why do you have to cook them a hot meal? Its about a million degrees outside surely a cold tea would be much more preferable.

Its unreasonable to say they cannot come as they are part of your family, you cant say you dont want them because its a little inconvenient. What would you do if both yours and their mums house had a power cut?

I'm prepared to be told it's unreasonable, which is why I haven't said anything to DH.

My perception is probably skewed because I'm extremely stressed.

I won't say anything and I'll push ahead as normal.

No. It's unfortunate but not that big a drama. There's plenty of alternatives to a hot meal or have a takeaway.

YABU. Get a takeaway or cold picnic.

You can easily feed them without a cooker! Perfect day for a picnic

.

Or a bbq if you have one. It’s hot, a salad would be fine and I doubt mum will care that much.

As long as the house isn’t a danger for them to be in then YABU.

Can you have a BBQ (if you don’t have one you can buy the disposable type) Or could you buy a ready roasted chicken slice it up and serve cold with a selection of salads and picky bits (all things you can buy ready made). Failing all else sounds like the perfect excuse for a take away?

I'm on the sofa with a hot water bottle at the minute but will have to make myself lively when they come as I would feel rude going to lay down in the bedroom and not joining in with the day. I have endometriosis but I appreciate that's my problem and nobody else's.

Mum will moan about the cooker yes, she seems to look for reasons to complain lately. DH doesn't want to let her know in advance so he's just going to wing it and do a picnic dinner.

Thanks for pointing out IABU, I did suspect perhaps I was being which is why I didn't broach it with DH

Yabu.
Unfortunately things happen, but unless the house is a danger to the children I don't any reason from what you've said for them not to come.
Especially the hot meal thing, throw a picnic lunch together and get dh to take them out for a nice walk,or even just into the garden so they're not in the way.

OP, if I were in your shoes, my DP would message the mother of his child to make her aware of the situation so that she could make a decision. He would be happy to have them, but he wouldn't insist on having them if they were going to be unhappy the whole time they were with us.

If his DC or their DM chose not to send them, he would probably try to arrange another day to make up for lost contact.

OP you’re the step mother, of course you are being unreasonable. Very very unreasonable. However if you were the mum, and was asking if your kids could go to their dad’s house because if the disaster at yours then that would be perfectly acceptable, that’s how Mumsnet works.

You can do it OP! 💐🤞
It won’t be your best day with DSC (likely) but you can do it! All the best! It’s going to be a hot day (in the U.K.)

@TheresABearInThere

OP you’re the step mother, of course you are being unreasonable. Very very unreasonable. However if you were the mum, and was asking if your kids could go to their dad’s house because if the disaster at yours then that would be perfectly acceptable, that’s how Mumsnet works.

You're not unreasonable to order a takeaway for tea and you hide upstairs with your hot water bottle for a while though!!! your husband can entertain all the kids for a bit

why is it your responsibility to feed them and take care of them? Your DH should be worrying about all that, not you.

Could you have a bbq? It's going to be a scorcher weather wise. If you haven't got one, disposable ones cost less than a fiver. Let DH sort it all while you take it a bit easier

I feel sorry for you, it's miserable. Can DH be the main carer and provider for the kids today?

I have adenomyosis and it can be excruciating. You're ill so take yourself to the bedroom. Or stop moaning. Either way, stop trying to be some kind of superwoman and then complain about it. I am actually very sympathetic because I do the same sometimes, I'm trying to get you to understand the pressure is not all on you and if you're ill, you're ill.