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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the DSC shouldn't come today?

120 replies

PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 10:53

The (lovely) DSC are due round today but there has been a disaster in the house. We had a flood last week which seems to have damaged the electrics, as of last night the built in cooker and hob don't work nor do any of the lights in the house. Only the plug sockets work.

The lights aren't an issue as it's summer but we have no way of cooking them a hot meal and I can see that being something their mum will gripe about.

An electrician is due round today but there's no guarantee it will be sorted by the time they come.

A builder is also due round this afternoon to examine and measure up building work that is to be done upstairs.

On top of that I'm having the period from hell and am terribly stressed.

Juggling all this with my two here is difficult enough and if my DM were available I would be asking her if she could mind them for me. With everything going on in the house I think juggling 4 children will be hard today.

I haven't said this to DH as I don't want to interrupt the DSC routine, but AIBU to think perhaps he should rearrange today?

OP posts:
Sunnydayshereatlast · 25/06/2020 11:25

Me and my 3 dd's are all having bad periods this week! We are all in sync prob due to lockdown!!
Bloody wish I had somewhere to pack them off to!!
Picnic lunch won't kill them.

timetest · 25/06/2020 11:26

You’re having a crisis and the DSC are family. They should come.

PAND0RA · 25/06/2020 11:26

@NewName89

why is it your responsibility to feed them and take care of them? Your DH should be worrying about all that, not you.
This.

Please go and rest up on your bed. I’m sure you wouldn’t expect your husband to look after someone else’s children all day if he was ill.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2020 11:26

Get a Pizza delivered and have a movie day

Original poster
PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 11:26

The best option will be for DH to take them out for the day but he won't because he wants to be here when the electrician and builder come so he can oversee everything.

I also don't fancy dealing with either of those when all I want to do is curl up in bed for once Sad

I'm usually the life and soul when they come, games/music etc.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 25/06/2020 11:27

Do you have a garden? Let the kids loose in the garden and let them play, leave your DH in charge today, take some painkillers and go rest.

Eating cold food on one day as hot as today will be fine. Don't worry about what their mum might say.

dontdisturbmenow · 25/06/2020 11:29

If you don't feel the need to send you 2 away, then there is no reason for your SCs not to come. Its clearly not an emergency and their mum life shouldn't have to be dependent on the support you need. Your oh needs to take responsibity, whatever it is he needs to to make sure things are ok.

Original poster
PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 11:29

Right I've decided I'm going to retire to the bedroom with pain killers, chocolate and a fan.

I'll tell DH to sort tea whatever that may be and to explain that I'm not very well today so I need to rest up.

I'll say hello and have a brief chat with them so they don't feel unwelcome but then it's all on DH today (ours included)

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 25/06/2020 11:30

Stay on the sofa. You’re treating them as guests when they are children of the family. If you’d stay on the sofa with your children around, why should it be different with your SC.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/06/2020 11:30

OP you’re the step mother, of course you are being unreasonable. Very very unreasonable. However if you were the mum, and was asking if your kids could go to their dad’s house because if the disaster at yours then that would be perfectly acceptable, that’s how Mumsnet works

Yep! And the SM would be totally unreasonable if she said 'no', even if it meant upsetting her plans.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 25/06/2020 11:30

I'm on the sofa with a hot water bottle at the minute but will have to make myself lively when they come as I would feel rude going to lay down in the bedroom and not joining in with the day.

This is the root of your issue. If your DSC are as lovely as you say they are they will understand that you are not feeling well and unable to join in with stuff that day. Stop martyring yourself and give your DH the opportunity to parent alone.

AryaStarkWolf · 25/06/2020 11:31

Good job OP

Original poster
PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 11:31

We don't have a usable garden no, we've alot of building works going on at the moment and the garden is very much a building site.

If we had use of the garden that would make things so much easier. A BBQ out the back would eliminate some of the stress and I wouldn't have to worry about them being bored and stuck in the house.

OP posts:
Humberbear · 25/06/2020 11:31

Could you do a teddy bears picnic in the garden? Obviously that depends on the ages. Get your partner to make up food now and shove in fridge. Blanket on the ground and you can sit and relax

choli · 25/06/2020 11:31

@TinySleepThief

Why do you have to cook them a hot meal? Its about a million degrees outside surely a cold tea would be much more preferable.

Its unreasonable to say they cannot come as they are part of your family, you cant say you dont want them because its a little inconvenient. What would you do if both yours and their mums house had a power cut?

It's Mumsnet. Food is only nutritious if it's hot. Roast dinners are the most nutritious of all. A salad or sandwich is child abuse.
cologne4711 · 25/06/2020 11:34

Blimey people are harsh on here. If I had the period from hell and had had a flood in the house I would definitely be arranging for the kids to come another day. 6 kids with all that going on? Yeah right.

frazzledasarock · 25/06/2020 11:34

your DH could offer the DC a choice, of a picnic on the floor in the living room watching their favourite film. Or (insert a really boring hot meal nobody is keen on), their mum can't moan if they asked for the picnic.

WhatWouldDominicDo · 25/06/2020 11:34

I'm sure everyone would enjoy a picnic in the garden, or even local park much more than a hot dinner on a day like today. Are all the children old enough to be let out alone for a while if you need a break? Or can you just send them all to the garden to play? Might be worth popping out to get a paddling pool if you don't have one - that would keep them occupied for hours.

PAND0RA · 25/06/2020 11:34

You don’t have to worry about them being bored and stuck in the house. Because you are not their parent.

Let their father deal with all that. That’s why they are at your house - to spend time with him. You take yourself off to bed.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 25/06/2020 11:36

If we had use of the garden that would make things so much easier. A BBQ out the back would eliminate some of the stress and I wouldn't have to worry about them being bored and stuck in the house.

Remember that it's good for kids to be bored sometimes! You're not teaching them to grow into self sufficient young adults if you spoon feed their brains all the time.

Rest up and take it easy. I'm a step mum myself and I also had endometriosis (only solved by a hysterectomy) so I totally get it...but I'm seeing you make the same mistakes that I did. Go easy on yourself.

Original poster
PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 11:36

That was an additional factor as to why it's stressful today, they can't go and play in the garden but DH doesn't want to go out somewhere because we have the electrician and a builder due round this afternoon and he wants to oversee everything.

Depending on both of those and when they will be here/finished, DSC could end up stuck in the house bored. Factor in the lack of cooker and the fact their mum will use that as a reason to gripe, the day is just a bit overwhelming.

My two are small and like cannon balls, they adore their siblings coming and they all hype each other up. Its chaos, lovely chaos mind, but a little bit too much for me to oversee when I'm struggling with my endometriosis.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 25/06/2020 11:38

Send out for pizza and curries. Have picnic meals (kids LOVE making them ). Send their dirty washing home with them, with an apology to explain why.

PAND0RA · 25/06/2020 11:39

You have two choices on the hot meal issue.

  1. Your husband takes responsibility for making a hot meal for his kids every single day, regardless of their wishes and the weather.
  1. He deals with his ex about it.

Option 3 - you stress about making hot meals so the poor lamb doesn’t get an earful from his ex - is not a good option for you. Though I can see how it’s working well for your husband, as he has to do nothing but wring his hands.

onalongsabbatical · 25/06/2020 11:41

This is the U bit - mum gripes if you don't provide a hot meal. Hot meals are not necessary every single flipping day of a child's life. Does she not trust you to just, you know, feed them? Is she looking for things to get cross about?
You sound like a wonderful stepmum btw. You're def allowed an off day with all of that going on.

timetest · 25/06/2020 11:42

If your DH is home, then feeding and entertaining all the children is his responsibility. Try and make yourself comfortable and leave them to it.