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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the DSC shouldn't come today?

120 replies

PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 10:53

The (lovely) DSC are due round today but there has been a disaster in the house. We had a flood last week which seems to have damaged the electrics, as of last night the built in cooker and hob don't work nor do any of the lights in the house. Only the plug sockets work.

The lights aren't an issue as it's summer but we have no way of cooking them a hot meal and I can see that being something their mum will gripe about.

An electrician is due round today but there's no guarantee it will be sorted by the time they come.

A builder is also due round this afternoon to examine and measure up building work that is to be done upstairs.

On top of that I'm having the period from hell and am terribly stressed.

Juggling all this with my two here is difficult enough and if my DM were available I would be asking her if she could mind them for me. With everything going on in the house I think juggling 4 children will be hard today.

I haven't said this to DH as I don't want to interrupt the DSC routine, but AIBU to think perhaps he should rearrange today?

OP posts:
WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 25/06/2020 11:43

Bag of salad.

Cherry tomatoes

Tub of Potato salad

Ready cooked chicken.

Crusty bread

Cheese

Dump on plates and you're done.

I agree tho. It would be easier not having children running about but if mum insists just go for a picky tea

ohdearmymistake · 25/06/2020 11:44

Actually I'm going to go against the grain here and say I don't think you would be unreasonable to change days. Can they come tomorrow instead, at least you may have a better idea about the damage and what repairs may need doing.

If the mum kicks of then I think that she is bu, this is not a normal situation that you are in at the moment.
If she can kick of about no hot meal then what would she be like if the electrics weren't safe.

Let your DH deal with it all, that's what adults have to do sometimes.

Original poster
PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 11:44

Unfortunately their mum does look for things to get cross about yes, even down to them going home with mud/grass stains. You know, like all children get when having fun.

I just roll my eyes and let it go over my head but it is annoying and I just know the cooker will be the next reason to complain.

Thank you, I think the world of them I really do. I hope I haven't come across badly. I always look forward to them coming it's just everything has hit at once this week and I'm a bit overwhelmed.

OP posts:
WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 25/06/2020 11:45

Just seen mum moans if the meal isn't hot ??

That's just ridiculous.......she'd collapse in a fit of apoplectic rage if she came here. My son had half a watermelon and.some toast for his dinner last night 😂😂😂🤨

Tattoocrazymum · 25/06/2020 11:46

I am going to say I dont think you are being unreasonable.
You have had a bit of a disaster at home with alot going on today.

As someone mentioned i bet if this was a reverse and the mum had something similar happen, everyone would be saying how they should be going to dads so it can be sorted.

womaninatightspot · 25/06/2020 11:47

Snacky dinner sounds fine, we've been doing that and my cooker works fine :)

Carlottacoffee · 25/06/2020 11:47

I'm on the sofa with a hot water bottle at the minute but will have to make myself lively when they come as I would feel rude going to lay down in the bedroom and not joining in with the day. I have endometriosis but I appreciate that's my problem and nobody else's

I have endometriosis. If you need to go lie down do it. I’m sure your dh can manage for a few hours

DuDuDuLangaLangaBingBong · 25/06/2020 11:51

Sounds like a crap day but unless the house is too dangerous for kids then yes, YABU to want to change plans at such short notice.

It’s too hot for hot food anyway. Give them sandwiches in the yard/garden/balcony/park.

And get you DH to take over as much as possible.

DuDuDuLangaLangaBingBong · 25/06/2020 11:54

And you sound like a great stepmum, so be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through today!

funinthesun19 · 25/06/2020 11:56

No, actually I think they should come. I think that since they’re a child of the family they should have to cope with inconveniences and shit bits like any other child has to. They’re part of the family so....

PAND0RA · 25/06/2020 11:56

Unfortunately their mum does look for things to get cross about yes, even down to them going home with mud/grass stains. You know, like all children get when having fun

In that case your husband needs to change the children from mums house clothes Into dads house clothes as soon as they arrive. Then they can change back when they go to mums house.

That way their mums house clothes will stay clean.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 25/06/2020 11:57

Your dh needs to tell his ex what happens in your home is not her business.

Quarantimespringclean · 25/06/2020 12:07

Another one saying that if it’s not a reason to send your own DC elsewhere (ie a genuine life threatening emergency that merits breaking lockdown) then it’s not a reason to stop your stepchildren seeing their dad.

If you are in so much pain you need to rest then let DH take care of all four of his children.

ShadowMane · 25/06/2020 12:10

@PuddleOfOrangeJuice

I'm prepared to be told it's unreasonable, which is why I haven't said anything to DH.

My perception is probably skewed because I'm extremely stressed.

I won't say anything and I'll push ahead as normal.

yeah, you're right to post here.

what are the plans for today? how old are they? are they old enough to entertain themselves?

Seriously - who wants hot food today?

mbosnz · 25/06/2020 12:12

I don't think you've come across badly.

Mum should be keeping her grizzles to herself. I don't think she realises quite how lucky she's been in the Stepmum stakes! Smile

Howaboutanewname · 25/06/2020 12:12

If the mum kicks of then I think that she is bu, this is not a normal situation that you are in at the moment

This is not an emergency and can be worked around. Most of us don’t get the opportunity to send our children elsewhere when shit happens, we just get on with it. It’s totally unreasonable to expect one parent to pick up the slack in the other’s house.

i bet if this was a reverse and the mum had something similar happen, everyone would be saying how they should be going to dads so it can be sorted

Doubt it. I have dealt with all sorts over the years. Never occurred to me to ask my ex to take the children except where it involved me sitting with my dying mother. Life happens and you deal with it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/06/2020 12:16

If their mum is really going to kick off if they don't have something hot - even though it's supposed to be a lovely, hot, sunny day today, when a salad would be the ideal dinner - then your dh can order in pizzas, or do a BBQ in the back garden, as a pp suggested.

I hope that a good rest in bed helps you feel better soon, @PuddleOfOrangeJuice - and hopefully the wiring etc will be easy to sort out - you really have had a stressful time of things, all in all!

Zilla1 · 25/06/2020 12:16

Well, OP, you got the grim end of PP today. If you had a better relationship with their mother then I'd have said it would be fine to ask, much like if she's had a flood and builders coming round then she could have asked. I suppose when you described the relationship and the fact your DH didn't want to tell her shows that isn't going to work. End can be grim and disabling so I'd sit down with the hot water bottle and painkillers and don't worry about appearances and let your DH run round. If he's at work then with the flood, electrical safety, the builder coming and so on, I would have told him to have a day off or discuss with his ex.

Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
PuddleOfOrangeJuice · 25/06/2020 12:16

They are 10 and 11, but a young 10 and 11 if that makes sense. They're not into computer games miraculously, although if they were that would make life a bit easier today Grin

I've asked DH what the plan is for today and he doesn't have one. He's going to drive to collect them in half an hour and bring them home, then god knows.

I do know he has no plans to that them out because of the electrician and builder being due, they are probably going to be sat in front of the television.

Usually when they come we all go out as a family, either to the park to feed the ducks or play baseball/footbal or they bring their bikes and DH takes them for a bike ride.

They're going to be very bored today.

OP posts:
DuDuDuLangaLangaBingBong · 25/06/2020 12:18

Boredom is good for kids. They’ll be fine!

Zilla1 · 25/06/2020 12:18

Don;'t worry about them being bored. Keep in mind that it's a vital part of child development (genuinely) and constant screens and gaming constrains the development of creativity and imagination.

Good luck.

DarkDarkNight · 25/06/2020 12:20

Your husband could have called to discuss it with his ex instead of just going to collect the kids as normal. The mum might have said they can stay here and you and your husband could have took them for a longer period once everything is sorted.

I don’t think the dinner is a problem - chicken etc. as another poster has said or a takeaway. It’s not ideal if you’re not well and I don’t blame you for wanting to retreat to your bedroom.

CBADotCom · 25/06/2020 12:20

A couple of weeks ago, my ex rang me and asked if he could change days of having the kids because he was having some work done at home and, whilst the house would be usable, it'd be a messy nightmare and kids wouldn't have much space. Because he gave me notice I didn't have a problem. So, to an extent, asking to change or your DP advising his ex of situation and asking his ex what she'd prefer is not completely unreasonable. That said, asking on same day when the flood happened last week is possibly a bit unreasonable.

Best you go with your plans of resting up til you feel better and leave DP to sort kids, food, builders, electricians etc. Am sure it'll all be fine in the end.

Shadeslayer · 25/06/2020 12:22

I think asking to rearrange is fine as long as you let the mum know the circumstances and won't mind if she says no.

HappyDinosaur · 25/06/2020 12:23

I feel bad for you as it's a lot all at once. However, this isn't a huge deal really, take some tablets, drink lots of water and decide together which takeaway you would all like for dinner.