To suggest he goes on holiday with his ex and DC

[BallofResentment]

My partner wants to go on holiday. I don't. They have three children together and I know they all love going to a particular holiday destination - it gets mentioned quite a bit. They get on well and the children would love it. Is it crazy to suggest? I wouldn't particularly like it but I'd get the house to myself which I'd love! They'd get to spend time as a family again and enjoy a holiday. And before anyone asks, no I wouldn't pester him everyday. I'd probably just ask for a "got here safe" message and an idea of when he will be back.

Yes it's crazy.

With just his DC, fine. With his ex? Weird, inappropriate and confusing for the kids.

If your partner and his ex have been separated for a considerable length of time, and it wouldn’t bother you, and they are all keen, I don’t see why not.

It’s definitely not something I would be happy for my DH to do, but that’s just me.

DC are all 10+ does that make a difference or still confusing?

They have been separated over six years.

I wouldn't love it but I don't want to go on holiday yet. They all do.

Still confusing!

Why are you suggesting it if you don't want it?

Your DH can take his kids. It ain't your problem, or his, what his ex wife wants to do!

If you're ok with it, why not?

What does your dp think?

It won't be confusing for 10+ children, and practically it sounds like a great idea, but you are a better person than me for being okay with it!

I actually think it would be a really nice thing for you to suggest. He might not want to or she might not then it doesn't happen.

I'm sure the children would understand if explained correctly and 1 parent in each room.

I'm sure the children would have a better time with 2 parents than just 1 and each parent will be able to have a little break too.

Why can’t he just take his kids?
Surely he is capable of looking after his own three kids without a woman’s help.

I don't think this is an "opinions of strangers" solvable type problem. If it work for you, you trust them and the kids are all levelheaded - why not 🤷🏼‍♀️
It's something only you can say whether it'll work or not. Do you trust them both not to, potentially, get all misty eyed at each other after a couple of wines?

I don't think there is anything wrong with two co-parents who aren't together going on holiday. My parents did, sometimes my dad's partner came too. It was fine and actually much better than just me going with my dad (because he was useless and would have had no idea what to do with a child).

But why can't he just take his 3 children and go on holiday? Surely, his ex doesn't have to come too, right? I'm happily married, but dh and I both take ours on holiday sometimes without the other.

I don't see why this is any of your business to suggest? Surely if your partner and his ex are both adults, they can come up with the idea all on their own if they wanted to do it, and you could say you're ok with it. Why are you trying to parent them?

Yeah why not. The dc are paramount in this of course, so as long as they don’t start thinking mum and dad are getting back together I think it’s a good idea.

I haven't mentioned it to him yet. But I know he is desperate for a holiday and I just don't want to go. I love a holiday like anyone else does but I just don't feel comfortable with going yet.

I don’t see what the problem is really. How is it confusing for the children if they go away with their parents who are just friends. Surely they’ve seen them together in the last 6 years.

I'm not trying to parent them it would be a suggestion which may work for them. It may not. But they would both then get a holiday instead of both taking the children to the same place at different times and both have adult company too.

I don't see a problem with this. If he has an amicable relationship with his ex, it's fine.

@Itsgottobethisone

I don’t see what the problem is really. How is it confusing for the children if they go away with their parents who are just friends. Surely they’ve seen them together in the last 6 years.

I just personally think it is confusing. They don't live together, presumably don't socialise together and weren't happy together hence splitting... So why now go on holiday together as a family? Bizzarre.

I wouldn't fancy it personally but each to their own I guess

@BallofResentment what would you do if this holiday with the ex and children went ahead and he realised he actually misses the ex and being a proper family?

Presumably they got on before and we're at one time attracted to each other, so what's to stop that happening again? Especially when they're on holiday having a glass of two enjoying each other's company.

I think it's a crazy idea.

@Lavendersquare I'd learn not to do it with the next one! Seriously though, I don't know. I don't think they like each other like that any more. I have an ex (no kids) and I'd happily go on holiday with him because we were friends as well. I think after a time exes can become friends again without misty eyes getting involved?! Maybe that is crazy I don't know.

Why can't he just go on holiday with his kids?

Well I think it’s a great idea, the kids wouldn’t find it confusing at all, separate rooms rather than a family room obviously. You sound lovely and it would be a kind suggestion.

He can. Just this way he has another adult to talk too.

If everyone is happy with it, why not, but it has to be what everyone is comfortable with.

I also agree with the other posters that say the children will see their parents enjoying each other's company and could start thinking there's a chance they might get together again. With the exception of children who've witnessed domestic abuse I would bet that they would love nothing more than to have their parents back together and living as a family again.