My top Three Most Epic (Semi) Silent Battles with DH

[DesperateSusan]

100 days into lockdown and here are a couple of my most epic (semi) silent battles with DH:

In the evening when we need to put a light on I switch on a few lamps that lights the room beautifully, he puts on an overhead light to give us that “interrogation” feel.

I put the milk back in the fridge immediately after using it, he leaves it out on the counter presumably so the rest of us can enjoy the delights of room temperature milk later in the day.

I like the TV remote control to sit between us on the couch so we can each flick channels if we want, he thinks he is the master of the remote control and must sit holding it.

AIBU? Please, I want to know that these things are not just happening to me!!!!

@Goldenhedgehogs

I recognise myself in keeping the miniscule bits of bar soap. To throw them out seems so wasteful to me but really they are only worth pennies. I never thought it would irritate anyone but now I see it with fresh eyes. Anyone know what I can do with bits of old soap?I am biting the bullet and changing the ratty left overs for a lovely new bar early tonight. Look at the decadence you have introduced me too!

Bung all the bits in the scrotty end of a pair of tights. Get slightly wet with warm water so you can squeeze it all into one big ball. Use as soap/exfoliator in the shower.

My ongoing battle in the curtains being closed in the day 'to keep the sun out'. I want them open and windows open for a breeze. Neither of us has said anything but by magic the curtains keep being opened and closed, sometimes many times an hour

@DeeplyMovingExperience ah, those types of questions! I'll admit when I started reading your post I had flash backs to when I would ask my mum what something meant as a child, and before she could answer my step dad would grab the Chambers dictionary and smack it on the table in front of me, telling me to look it up for myself . Needless to say he wasn't my stepdad for very long.

@Pambalambalam - Does he leave the clearing up to you when he cooks?

Since knowing DH I've come to the conclusion that that arrangement is deeply unfair; one member of the household washes up as she goes along, leaving little to do after dinner. But the other member uses every surface, every utensil, every pot.
He is an excellent cook, though, so...

@rosegoldwatcher oh yes it’s me that has to clear up and put all the tiny little saucers in the dishwasher as well as clean the dozens of pans, spoons, knives, blenders, graters, chopping boards. I’m the same as you, I clear and clean as I go. He creates more work for me than if I cooked something myself. Leaving it doesn’t achieve anything as he will quite happily live with mess indefinitely... it is a very good curry though!

Since knowing DH I've come to the conclusion that that arrangement is deeply unfair; one member of the household washes up as she goes along, leaving little to do after dinner. But the other member uses every surface, every utensil, every pot.

Same here. DP is an excellent cook but when he offers to cook my heart sinks a little, as I know I have to be grateful for the food, but when I go out to the kitchen it’s carnage! He doesn’t put packets in the bin, double dips the knife into the mustard, onto the meat, then back in the mustard etc so I end up throwing it away afterwards.

One time he made poached eggs on toast and managed to block the sink with bits of egg, short out the oven by shutting the door with the grill on, and get toast crumbs and butter all over the worktops. I was very happy to have the lunch delivered to my lap on a tray but when I went in the kitchen later I was so annoyed!! Then I felt mean. Then I felt annoyed again!

And he uses several pans, decanting from one to the other as he goes, whereas I’d start in an ovenproof dish if it starts on the hob and then goes in the oven.

Then after dinner he’ll say, let’s leave this and do it in the morning. Which is basically him saying “you can do it in the morning, once I’ve left”

I’ve taken to going in the other room after I’ve cooked so I’m not tempted to even try and clear up what’s left. And everyone knows that if you haven’t got any clearing up left to do, put the kettle on and make me tea!

Then after dinner he’ll say, let’s leave this and do it in the morning

Mine says this - roughly translated as, "If you have managed to ignore the mess by the time I come back from golf at 2 o'clock, I will wash up."

As I have said countless times to him, "It's a good job that you're funny!"

Basically this.

Decides he needs a coffee just as everyone is ready to leave. Will then try to bring the coffee in the car, spills it every time.

Takes a coffee into the carpeted lounge room and places it on the carpet even though he has knocked it over 63929847990 times. Doesn't like to be reminded that he is incapable of keeping a cup upright.

I sorted all our cupboards and pantry beautifully. Everything fit and was labelled. He shoves stuff in everywhere as he can't be bothered putting it away properly.

Takes his shoes off and leaves them NEXT to the shoe rack every single day. Says it's to save space for other people's shoes

DP is an excellent cook but when he offers to cook my heart sinks a little, as I know I have to be grateful for the food, but when I go out to the kitchen it’s carnage!

This too! Used a knife? Chuck it on the counter and get the counter as dirty as possible. Uses every pot in the kitchen.

Oh and he unloads the dishwasher and leaves the stuff he 'doesn't know where it goes' everything on the side of the sink.

Ah the lights. I need interrogation light as I'm incredibly short sighted. I feel like I am working really hard to focus without it. Dh is obsessed with the electricity bill and wants to live by candle light.

I am feeling quite ragey at him today after this

He asks me where something is. I tell him. He goes to look. 2 mins later a plaintive call. He can’t see it. I go and look and see it immediately behind something else. He can’t find things in cupboards and drawers unless they are jumping up and down and shouting “cooeee!”

We have the Battle of the Stairs Light. At bedtime if he goes up first, he will extinguish all lights leaving me plunged into darkness - because I can see in the dark? I will then put the stairs light back on in order to, y’know, see to get upstairs, he will turn it off just as I’m about to place foot on bottom stair tread (they are those two-way light switches). I will shout ‘I’m still down here’ to no avail.

Mind you, this is nothing compared to the sins I commit daily according to him: incorrect arrangement of goods in the freezer, it must be done according to plans that would make an ancient Egyptian tomb-builder nod respectfully - I expect set squares to be involved at some point.

@Goldenhedgehogs Try this;www.wikihow.life/Make-Liquid-Soap

How can a man not know where something goes IN HIS OWN HOUSE?

Also, finishing the last of something, not buying more, and not mentioning that he has finished it. When I go to find it, he still does not mention that he has finished it, until I specifically ask - DID YOU FINISH IT? To which he says actually yes, I think I might have finished it.

Thank you for letting me know. I now have to face a ham sandwich with NO MUSTARD. Or a toothbrush with NO TOOTHPASTE. We do not live near a shop.

Definitely a thread for "classics". Having a good laugh at these. The poster turning off her dh bluetooth is genius!!!

@hashtagbollocks

*Oh, and the leaving food, drinks and milk on the side to go off/get contaminated by flies/grow mould? Easy. If it's not nailed down, I throw it away. No second chances. No 'oh, but'. It goes in the bin. The only place anything is safe is in the fridge or in the food cupboard. And even fridge stuff gets throw if it's not properly wrapped, sealed or is going a bit crispy/wilty/not entirely fresh*

I'm hoping you're joking? If not then that is one of the most incredibly wasteful things Ive read of

Did I mention that I'm immunocompromised due to medication in that post?

I'm not about to risk a potentially fatal infection for the sake of a couple of quid/the environment. Asking him to remember to cover and put away/refrigerate food didn't work. I'm not going to bitch at him every time he does it (as it would have been multiple times every day). What worked was throwing things away - partly because he doesn't want them wasted anymore than I do, partly because he finally realised that I was absolutely serious about food safety, as there was no way I would be chucking out food if it didn't present a very real and increased risk to me.

Alarm clock wars is 1,2 and 3 for me.

TURN THE KITCHEN LIGHT OFF WHEN YOU LEAVE THE FUCKING KITCHEN.

Thank you. I needed that.

He’s in and out, in and out, as he’s currently obsessed with bbqing. So he comes into the kitchen With. His. Sunglasses. On. and therefore needs the kitchen light on because god forbid he takes his sunglasses off. Also there is a light in the fridge when he opens it to get another beer. The light doesn’t need to be on. But I’d be ok with it provided he SWITCHES IT OFF WHEN HE IS DONE. We are all sat outside IT DOES NOT NEED TO BE ON.

@DeeplyMovingExperience

My DH helpfully asks if there is anything he can do to help. So I tell him what things would be helpful, and he then does not do them.

He appears not to have any recollection the things he said he would do.

If I then go and do the thing myself, he magically appears and says, "I was going to do that!"

We have the same husband?

Mine also has an aversion to wiping down the sides, or loading the dishwasher as he goes.

I finish my lunch, the stuff I've used goes straight in the dishwasher. He would rather put it on the worktop and fill later.

he uses tiny saucers to hold each ingredient before they’re added to the pan - one for the grated ginger, one for the minced garlic

I do this and I know it creates so much work that I resent it. I need a mise en place because I have a very low sense of smell and taste some days and I don't know what I have or haven't added if I don't measure it out.

@BarbedBloom how strange, they sound almost but not quite identical. No sycamor trees in our one, so the bedroom window massively overlooked the garden behind the courtyard.
Besides the lack of counter and cupboard space the sink was also stuffed under the boiler which was rather annoying.
It was a very old cottage type too, not a modern design that's been repeated on loads of developments.

I like the TV remote control to sit between us on the couch so we can each flick channels if we want, he thinks he is the master of the remote control and must sit holding it.

I see this, and raise you, abandoning the remote on the sofa, then sitting on it and changing the channel, usually just as something exciting happens in what we’re watching 😏

It grips my shit, he does it so often. Just put it on the fucking table man!

A couple of washing up ones, I would put the plates in the sink nicely stacked soaking, dh comes along with a random plate and just perches it on top of the bowls balancing precariously. Another one is after he has washed some glasses he doesn't rinse the bubbles off, so they are left to dry with a ring of bubbles unless I see them to give them a rinse. Thank god we have a dishwasher now.

he uses tiny saucers to hold each ingredient before they’re added to the pan - one for the grated ginger, one for the minced garlic

Does he know he's not on Masterchef

1). I like to leave the TV remote between us but frequently have to "claim" it, as DH will repeatedly pause whatever we are watching to tell me some hilarious dull anecdote, usually relating to The Simpsons or Joe Rogan..... I just want to watch my bloody program in peace!!!

2). I have another who finds it more efficient to just ditch everything in the sink or above the dishwasher, meaning everything looks untidy and I end up putting the stuff in the dishwasher to cries of "I was just about to do that" (well bloody well do it then)!!

3). DH blames me for the fact our house is a mess, he doesn't realise that the fact he leaves shit EVERYWHERE means that I also engage in the game of "can't be arsed" the difference then being he is self employed so he'll just spend a whole day tidying up his shit every so often, leaving it then looking like I am the slattern. When in reality I've just lost the will to tidy as I go because I'm sick of the piles of paperwork, random screws, backpacks full of stuff he's packed to take the kids to the beach strewn about the place, and I don't have time to spend a whole day tidying as I have an employer!!!!! (I needed to get that off my chest)!