My top Three Most Epic (Semi) Silent Battles with DH

[DesperateSusan]

100 days into lockdown and here are a couple of my most epic (semi) silent battles with DH:

In the evening when we need to put a light on I switch on a few lamps that lights the room beautifully, he puts on an overhead light to give us that “interrogation” feel.

I put the milk back in the fridge immediately after using it, he leaves it out on the counter presumably so the rest of us can enjoy the delights of room temperature milk later in the day.

I like the TV remote control to sit between us on the couch so we can each flick channels if we want, he thinks he is the master of the remote control and must sit holding it.

AIBU? Please, I want to know that these things are not just happening to me!!!!

The living room is too cold on all but the hottest days of the year, even with the central heating on, but the addition of the gas fire makes it too hot. I'd rather be a bit too cold and snuggle under a blanket, but DP prefers to be overheated so he can go a fetching shade of lobster. I turn the fire off whenever he leaves the room, he turns it back on again upon his return. Completely level-pegging at the moment, but I am at least winning the battle about whether we need the gas fire on this week.

Most of the battles are actually his, in all honesty - about whether the head-height cupboard doors in the galley kitchen should generally be kept in a closed position , leaving the centre of the old loo roll on the side of the bath when I change the roll, leaving stuff all over the floor where it can be trodden on, etc - I just don't see these things (I cut my forehead open on an aforementioned cupboard door and I still don't close them after use) and it drives him mad! I can see why, to be fair, poor chap.

My DP who is pretty clean and tidy does two things that drive me mad: leaves dirty dishes on top of the dishwasher rather than putting them in. If there is hand dish washing to do, he'll rinse it and give it a mild wipe down with the washing up brush and then leave it in the sink. I suspect he thinks he is "helping" me. It feels like he is criticising me for not doing the two stage washing up. Just either wash it properly the first time round or leave it for me to quickly do it.

So so annoying. I can't be bothered to say anything now (very many years of marriage later).

DH always leaves the juice out after he's had breakfast leaving me with hot orange juice - yuck!

He also does the laundry wrong (its fine, just not in the order I would do it).

And he doesn't put his shoes back in tje shoe basket.

The annoying thing I do is forget to clear away my plate after dinner (not because I'm lazy but because DS1 is messy and as soon as he's finished eating I make him go wash his hands and face)

Sometimes there’s a loud noise from the dc upstairs, or outside. Dh ‘ what are the dcs doing.”. Me” don’t know,” (thinking I’m sitting here in exactly same position as you. Dh - huffy,as I should know (as mums are fount of all knowledge).

Oh Lord save me from the daily disgusting porridge pan filled with cold water! (With the similarly revolting porridge coated wooden spoon.)

Count your blessings @rosegoldwatcher; this is waaaay better than a disgusting porridge pan not filled with water so the porridge remnants dry semi-permanently onto the inside, requiring a hammer and chisel...

I had a standoff with OH, who for someone that lived alone for years is terrible at fridge housekeeping, over some (OH's) expired yogurt that I refused to deal with. It sat on the kitchen counter for several days, until I went away with work and evidently by the time I got back even OH had run out of apathy with it.

for me it's leaving the last bit in the bottle (DW is the worst for this)

ketchup
toothpaste
shampoo
conditioner
shower gel/foam

she'd much rather just open a new one
someone else can go to the effort of squeezing the last bit out and throwing it away (or - god forbid - rinsing it out and putting it in the recycling)

i often wonder how full our fridge and shower would eventually be with bottles with 1 squeeze of their contents left

but when all 3 sides of the shower cubicle are forested with imperial leather and loreal elvive bottles, i normally give in and just sort it out

Fills the dishwasher up but then doesn't set it off just in case someone may use a teaspoon soon. They generally don't and the dishwasher is sat full of dirty pots and we have no clean plates
Butters toast not on the 2 chopping boards or a plate but on the side and leaves crumbs everywhere
Turns lights off as I turn them on. I'll be in the kitchen cooking or preparing tea and nip up to the loo, come back and he will have turned the pissing light off. So I'll turn them back on again, go into the utility room to fetch something I need for tea, come back and the light is off again. Drives me absolutely mental

I am asked to write a list...

I've finally cracked and resorted to project management software that is shared as a family thing (Asana - others exist). It's now pitilessly apparent who is responsible for what and what needs to be done.

However, I couldn't begin to describe the level of procrastination and denial involved here.

Oh, and the leaving food, drinks and milk on the side to go off/get contaminated by flies/grow mould?
Easy.
If it's not nailed down, I throw it away. No second chances. No 'oh, but'. It goes in the bin. The only place anything is safe is in the fridge or in the food cupboard. And even fridge stuff gets throw if it's not properly wrapped, sealed or is going a bit crispy/wilty/not entirely fresh

I'm hoping you're joking? If not then that is one of the most incredibly wasteful things Ive read of

YABU to expect to touch the TV remote control
Everyone knows that is against the laws of nature

YABU if these are silent battles. If you aren't happy about these things then discuss them with your DH.

Maybe you'll need to compromise about the light but be shouldn't hog the remote or leave the milk out. These shouldn't be big enough issues to write a thread about though. Don't you actually communicate with each other?

I've just had to bite my tongue watching DH make cheese on toast for lunch. The whole process took around 20 minutes and used a cheese grater, three knives - one to cut the cheese, one for brown sauce and one to cut the finished product, two plates, one bowl (for grating the cheese into), two large chopping boards (the first to cut the cheese; the second for cutting some tomatoes), a fish slice, a teaspoon and two random forks.

Can't even imagine what he'd need if it were Michelin star type food.

Two out of these three things, I have the opposite issue with! The milk, he's learned by now that what he leaves out of the fridge/freezer will end up in his glass or in his plate so he now knows better.

I like the main light on instead of the lamps because for some reason my toddlers get very grumpy when there's not much light! The noise and agitation drives me up the wall, so I turn on the main light and DP hissés and melts into a puddle (events may have been changed for dramatic effect)

With the remote... I hate being in control of it myself. So I hand it to him, he puts it down, it falls between sofa seats or DC runs off to play with it and then cue hours of turning everything upside down to find it again. We find it, I say 'please keep a hold of it this time', he puts it down, etc. etc. But if I hold it, the volume is too high/low, the channel is not great, why are we watching ads instead of skipping. Grr!

I really can't see any option here but to transplant our partners' brains 🤷‍♀️ it's the only logical solution.

*on his plate.

Just as I walk out the house to go to work “is there anything you would like me to do”, he is retired. He hangs the washing on the washing line the wrong way.
Apparently I never put the new toilet roll on the holder the right way round.

I must remember to call it the interrogation light next time DH lights the room to migraine levels.
At the start of lockdown after 30 years in this house I refused to be the one who knows about bin collections.
I point him to the list pinned on the fridge and tell him to refer to it whenever he asks which boxes or bins go out.
I daren't risk us missing a collection so I still have to remind him

@Goldenhedgehogs

I recognise myself in keeping the miniscule bits of bar soap. To throw them out seems so wasteful to me but really they are only worth pennies. I never thought it would irritate anyone but now I see it with fresh eyes. Anyone know what I can do with bits of old soap?I am biting the bullet and changing the ratty left overs for a lovely new bar early tonight. Look at the decadence you have introduced me too!

Wet the slivers and press them into the new soap.

Wet the slivers and press them into the new soap.

I do this. Just start the next bar and press the silver into it. Over a couple of showers they will melt together into one bar with no waste.

Some of you seem to be living in my house with my DH

I'm with him on the lights, anyway. I love a really nice clear bright light, preferably overhead! Not only do I find it quite difficult to see well (especially to read anything) with soft lighting, I also find it depressing. If it weren't for environmental concerns I'd probably go for 100 watt incandescent bulbs .

I have a Lumie bodyclock alarm (a gift from my daughters) and it makes getting up infinitely more bearable as the room is already brightly lit by the time I need to wake.

DS2 hangs out washing like he's thrown the things at the washing line and they just happen to attach.

He's moving in with his girlfriend next week. Should I warn her?

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite

YABU if these are silent battles. If you aren't happy about these things then discuss them with your DH.

Maybe you'll need to compromise about the light but be shouldn't hog the remote or leave the milk out. These shouldn't be big enough issues to write a thread about though. Don't you actually communicate with each other?

I took this to be a light-hearted thread TBH.

God knows I have, do and will continue to write the list, remind DH to wash the porridge pan etc. We are old, long married and basically tolerant of each others foibles. not that I have any

I've really enjoyed reading all of the posts - some of them made me LOL, which is needed at the moment. It was definitely meant to be a lighthearted thread. :-)

When DH asks me things, I now say "that's an interesting question, why don't you google it?"

I do not say this in an aggressive way. It is said in a genuine and helpful manner. Google has as much chance of knowing where his keys/pants/socks are as I do.

I won the last round of “will he ever put his empty pill packet in the bin” .

When he’s finished a strip of his daily meds he puts the empty popped plastic on top of the drawers, and starts on a new strip from the box.

Every time I put the empty strip back in the box (I used to put it in the bin for him but got fed up of doing it every time )

I’m waiting for the day he asks why I keep putting it back in the box, but last time he did actually bin it after just a couple of days .

Petty, moi?

Mine only knows how to cook one dish - a curry. It’s very nice but oh my god the mess afterwards. The most irritating part of it though is that every time he makes it, he uses tiny saucers to hold each ingredient before they’re added to the pan - one for the grated ginger, one for the minced garlic etc etc as though he’s doing a bloody TV cooking demonstration. So much unnecessary washing up!!!