My top Three Most Epic (Semi) Silent Battles with DH

[DesperateSusan]

100 days into lockdown and here are a couple of my most epic (semi) silent battles with DH:

In the evening when we need to put a light on I switch on a few lamps that lights the room beautifully, he puts on an overhead light to give us that “interrogation” feel.

I put the milk back in the fridge immediately after using it, he leaves it out on the counter presumably so the rest of us can enjoy the delights of room temperature milk later in the day.

I like the TV remote control to sit between us on the couch so we can each flick channels if we want, he thinks he is the master of the remote control and must sit holding it.

AIBU? Please, I want to know that these things are not just happening to me!!!!

It's me who wants the interrogation light in our house! It was down to its last 1 bulb of 4 before I finally persuaded DH to put it on more often.

Even I was stunned when we replaced them all at the same time and 🤯 Like a lighthouse search beam 😂

I always replace the loo roll but DH leaves one piffling sheet on it and, as far as he is concerned, that counts as a proper roll - NO!

DH likes to put the telly on, even if I'm sitting reading. He then gets a bit upset if I leave the room with my book. One day, he'll clock on and enjoy reading in the quiet with me.

He eats all the ginger nuts.....patio could do with a makeover...!

Well there was the time DH was lecturing our children about putting their shoes away in the shoe cupboard.
So I gathered up the three pairs of his shoes that were lying around, pushed past him and put them away without saying a word.
Took the wind out of his sails a bit!

No, dh, I don't know what the weather forecast is.
No, dh, I do not know which wheelie bins need to go out this week (he puts them out every week unless he's away).
No, dh, I don't know where you left your phone/ ear buds / keys/ sunglasses.
Yes, dh, you do have the remote.
Yes, dh, you are sitting on it.

I win with the lights and have lovely pool of light lamps, which DH refers to as “dims” but I really can't stand bright lights.
He gets his revenge by brandishing his iPad at me “here, look at this” which he turns up to eyeball-searing settings and I wince away with cries of agony

DH is also convinced that the very second I remove the phone from its cradle, it starts to go flat.
He can carry it round with him all day if he's expecting a call, and it mysteriously retains its power. Perhaps he has secret manly electricity.
He has the unerring capacity to appear the minute it's in my hand, or worse, on the coffee table. And then begins the chant of What-are-you-doing-the-phone-will-go-flat-I-need-it-for-work.

As I’m isolating, he does the shopping 99/100. But never puts it away. I think it's the Mighty Hunter bringing home the food syndrome, as I’m often called to admire the spoils.

Butter wars. He puts the empty butter dish back in the cupboard. It has a lid so there’s an added element of surprise when you get it out and find there’s none left.
Tea wars. I drink decaf tea without milk which means that I drink it hot and cold. I don’t mind. He always throws away the last two inches of cold tea just as I go looking for it, often when I’ve run out of teabags so can’t make another. Also throws away the teabag after only one use, where I can get two cups out of each one.

I put an opened cheese packet in a plastic bag. He thinks I'm ocd. He decided that it's unnecessary and then after 4 days he wanted a sandwich and the cheese had dried so he couldn't have any on his bread. Point me.

We keep the toilet paper 6 pack on the floor. He takes the last roll and leaves the plastic empty on the floor. We are at at a 3 of me not clearing it. He thinks I've left it and therefore refuses to move it. I didn't leave it.

Emptying the dishwasher. He does majority of it but forgets these bowls on the table.

DH and I have the same lamp battle too. He wants the big light, I have lots of lamps.

We are also having a silent stand off over his wash bag in the middle of our en-suite floor. It has been there since before lockdown. He just takes stuff out of it as and when he needs it. The bag is now empty, but remains on the floor. I keep saying I’m going to put fairy lights or a flag or something on it.

He also keeps on at DD1 about her bedroom plate and cup collection, while having a mug collection of his own on his bedside drawers. Every few days I take a photo and WhatsApp it to him

My husband sits on the sofa wrong. He gets the throw all ruffled up so it looks messy and unmade when he gets up. Why can't he just sit neatly?! I haven't mentioned it to him yet because I'm not sure I could say it aloud with a straight face, but he is definitely sitting on the sofa wrong.

There is soo much pain in this thread. Mine are many.
Putting the snip on the front door so it is always open and never ever picking it even at night. I have to wait up for him to go to bed every night to ensure it's locked.
Waiting until we've eaten our evening meal and all the surfaces are clean and dishwasher done to then start cooking something random and leaving it all to get up to the next day.
Sweaty clothes all over the floor and bathroom from his numerous sporting pursuits.
Having four different shower gels on the go for variety and never ever throwing an empty away.
Like a previous poster we also have the inappropriate use of tea towels but also hand towels. It's never know where they've been.

My OH veers the other way with lights, he religiously turns them off when he leaves a room, even if I am still in the room! It drives me nuts, especially when he does it and and I'm halfway up the stairs. I don't want to climb them in the dark! I'm 39 weeks pregnant!

Also, today, the hottest day of the year he has gotten up and put on black socks. No slippers, just socks. He can't possibly need them, the only thing they do is leave trails of little black bobbles around the carpet which are a pain to hoover up. Why?!?

Mine also sits on the sofa wrong

He also sits on the scatter cushions. I bought some lovely velvet, embroidered ones and they’re now all odd shapes and flat.

DH insists on standing in the kitchen when I’m busy and just want peace and quiet to get on with cooking/cleaning. It sends me bloody nuts !

Mind you, I’m not perfect either: I leave lights on all over the house. I leave shoes all over the hall

Remote issue was resolved by buying another set.

Dishwasher emptying. I get up each day to find half of the contents spread around the surfaces. I don't know why, I no longer ask because the answer will be 'I didn't know where it went' even though it is stuff that was put away the previous morning and he knew then. I prefer it to emptying it myself.

I have lost many of my plants due to 'weeding'. There is a diagram of what is to be left because it flowers or is something that should be there and which are the weeds. I find that the stuff that should be there is pulled out and the bindweed, thistles and brambles are still there. Most of the plants can't be replaced easily, they take a couple of years minimum to grow to even a small size. Most of them have special memories which are still there when I look at the empty spaces but it isn't the same.

The wearing of the tea towel over the shoulder during dishwasher emptying and the dumping of it in a heap afterwards on the worktop. I always change it in the morning even if it is on the rail, just in case it has been used to collect dandruff.

Can't stand glaring ceiling lights, lamps all the way here....

I've got the remote as an app on my phone.

Toilet rolls, he removes from the holder and leaves on the radiator or window sill ^then turns the toilet roll holder through 90° so it points at the ceiling. I have no idea why.

"Would you like a coffee?" Gets a noncommittal uh sound and I have to guess if it's a yes uh or a no uh. Sometimes I just assume it's a no uh and wait for him to ask where his drink is.

He once left a wet towel on the bed so I carefully tucked it in under the duvet on his side of the bed. He's ever done that since.

He's never

I am apparently the only person who is able to open curtains, pull up a blind and plump cushions, I guess it’s my womanly powers 🙄
Every morning it’s the routine of doing all three,why is it so bloody hard to plump a cushion and put it back in its place in the corner of the sofa when he gets up to go to bed?

And the little magnetic catch on the foldy slidey doors In the cloakroom... why the feck is it so hard for anyone other than me to line them up properly so they like, actually fecking close 😩

We have a silent battle over curtains and windows! I like the Curtains and windows open almost all of the time! We live in a quiet countryside house!
He likes the windows shut as flies get in and the curtains shut as you can’t watch tv with them open because of glare!
We silently opens and shut them all day. Sweet relief in the evenings when I’m okay with the curtains being closed! X

he is definitely sitting on the sofa wrong

Yes, his end of the sofa is all rucked up, covered in crumbs after any snack and the arm of the sofa at that end is strangely worn in a way my end isn't. How come?

Dh and indeed the dc sit on the couch wrong all the bloody time. Dh compounds it by bouncing his hand on my bit of the couch. He doesn't feel it but it makes me lose my fucking mind.

Mine's done his usual of switching the TV on and walking away to do something else. I was perfectly content without the additional noise.