My top Three Most Epic (Semi) Silent Battles with DH

[DesperateSusan]

100 days into lockdown and here are a couple of my most epic (semi) silent battles with DH:

In the evening when we need to put a light on I switch on a few lamps that lights the room beautifully, he puts on an overhead light to give us that “interrogation” feel.

I put the milk back in the fridge immediately after using it, he leaves it out on the counter presumably so the rest of us can enjoy the delights of room temperature milk later in the day.

I like the TV remote control to sit between us on the couch so we can each flick channels if we want, he thinks he is the master of the remote control and must sit holding it.

AIBU? Please, I want to know that these things are not just happening to me!!!!

@CarolVordermansArse that is so sad about your garden. Can you just ban him from doing any weeding? I'd be livid.

Ooh I have some. DH has been irritating the shit out of me this week. Heat and PMT are not a great combination of I'm honest.

1. He rinses recyclables, dries them, then places them on the windowsill in the kitchen, rather than the recycling bin under the sink.

1. He, a very highly educated man, will only boil enough water for one cup of tea at a time because the smart meter man told him that boiling water for several cups costs over 50p an hour. Never mind that the sodding kettle isn't on for a whole hour, or that I might also want a cup at the same time. No I have at to refill it and put it on again I've been filling it to the max line just to annoy him.

1. He won't empty the kitchen bin until it is nigh on overflowing. I can't due to spine issues. Apparently he doesn't like using too many bin bags, but he waits until it's at the point of splitting, so he has to double bag it anyway. Just empty it earlier.

1. During lockdown he's taken to wearing his headphones while on the pc in order to claim that he can't hear the kids if they need one of us, making me the go to parent all of the bloody time. I realised that I could connect the via Bluetooth to my phone without him realising, so have been playing a "please recharge" sound effect I found online, through them, then disconnecting, thus making him take them off to recharge them and enabling him to rejoin the family as an active parent again

The washing up is my bugbear, we don't have a dishwasher so;
If the sink is empty DH leaves the dirty plates and cups on the side. If there are a couple of cups or a saucepan in the sink he will pile the dishes and cups on top in any order. He has never washed up ( rinsed off) more than one plate, dish or cup (his) since we married.
He has porridge or cereal every day, then leaves it for an hour then swishes it with cold water and leaves it in the drainer. It is always still dirty or sticky so I have to wash it again.
He always has the remote and decides what we watch. If I want to watch a special programme he either makes comments about it being rubbish or turns it over if I leave the room for 2 mins.

Oh yes, the weather forecast thing MotherForkinShirtBalls .....mine does that too. Sometimes it is the first thing he asks me in the morning. What?! Does he think that the Met Office transmits special messages directly into my brain overnight? Somehow he always seems surprised that I can't tell him what the windspeed and direction are going to be in Ho Chi Minh City at midday within 4 seconds of him waking me up.

[quote BendyLikeBeckham]@CarolVordermansArse that is so sad about your garden. Can you just ban him from doing any weeding? I'd be livid.[/quote]
I need help with it, but still have the weeds, person that comes to help hasn't been able to leave home, never mind weed.

I have put markers there in the past, but it makes no difference if concentration is elsewhere. I mention it often.

Mine goes for interrogation light with curtains wide open

@Goldenhedgehogs
I keep the little bits of soap, he will use them until they vanish so I just put a new bar out. The little bits go into a jar until there is enough to make a new bar.

I do this because many years ago my mother bought a 'soap saver'. You put the little bits in hot water to soften them then put them in this mould thing and squash the bits together. Put the top on and leave it to set. When you remove it you have a new soap. I have also made hand soaps with a cake mould.

He uses so much soap it is worth keeping the bits. I feel very bad if I throw a sliver away

He crunches breadsticks and crisps louder than anyone else on the planet. I have to hold myself back from screaming at him to shut up.
He will never use the last of anything. He'll put a pot of hummus back in the fridge with 1/4 of a teaspoons worth left in it. Or a punnet containing a single grape.

I am now single (and very glad to be so).

But when I last had a live-inner, he would never take the carefully prepared shopping list when he went shopping (which was rarely). He'd leave it on the side, tell me he 'knew what we needed', and come home with all his items but without most of mine.

So I took to emailing, texting, WhatsApping and generally sending him the list in every format known to man. He never checked it, of course, and continued only buying his own items, but at least I had the higher ground...

He adds water to the end of a liquid soap container so that it ejaculates soapy water everywhere - now when it gets to the dregs I put a new container next to the old one and he gets to add as much water as he likes while we, the normal people who live in the house, get to use soap without getting sprayed on.

The measuring jugs live in the cupboard with the other measuring jugs. There is a small plastic measuring container, without a handle, which he keeps with the tupperware, having concentrated on its plastic composition rather than its actual use. I move it back every time I find it. So does he.

Also, I rearranged the kitchen drawers ooooh about 10 years ago and he still puts stuff where it went for a brief period 12 years ago and then wonders why I can't find anything.

There's so much more. Like saying restaurant like he's French rather than from Burnley. And ending conversations with "very good, very good" like he's Bruce Forsyth - although that's stopped a little during lockdown as we all ended up taking the piss because he does it during work calls as well.

Mine leaves the cupboard doors open in the kitchen. It's like an obstacle course in there. He likes to leave the dishwasher open when he's opened it too, maybe to make sure I notice he's done it (it's a teenagers job most of the time) idk.

I love him really

We have a hilarious series of these -

DP puts the cutlery containers in the dishwasher round the wrong way (there is a way they are obviously designed to go) as she feels she knows better than the stupid (abs a man) who designed it and her way is better.

DP turns off the auto climate control in the car for most of the time - as in not just switches to manual, but turns off all interior heating/cooling - again as she is unhappy with the way it works. If she grudgingly agrees to have it on it MUST be manually controlled as there is no way the (man) in Japan who designed it knew what they were doing and it's always the wrong temp coming out of the wrong orifice

The normal one about which way round the bog roll goes.

We do have a laugh about these though.

@weegiemum

Mine leaves the cupboard doors open in the kitchen. It's like an obstacle course in there. He likes to leave the dishwasher open when he's opened it too, maybe to make sure I notice he's done it (it's a teenagers job most of the time) idk.

I love him really

My (female) DP leaves her shoes, coats etc anywhere, cupboard and wardrobe doors open, all ingredients used in cooking out afterwards, paperwork strewn everywhere.

She then opines "we" are both messy without noticing that it's actually mainly her.

It drives me mad but she is wonderful in other ways :)

@MrsAvocet

Oh yes, the weather forecast thing MotherForkinShirtBalls .....mine does that too. Sometimes it is the first thing he asks me in the morning. What?! Does he think that the Met Office transmits special messages directly into my brain overnight? Somehow he always seems surprised that I can't tell him what the windspeed and direction are going to be in Ho Chi Minh City at midday within 4 seconds of him waking me up.

This is brilliant!

4. During lockdown he's taken to wearing his headphones while on the pc in order to claim that he can't hear the kids if they need one of us, making me the go to parent all of the bloody time. I realised that I could connect the via Bluetooth to my phone without him realising, so have been playing a "please recharge" sound effect I found online, through them, then disconnecting, thus making him take them off to recharge them and enabling him to rejoin the family as an active parent again

Genius.

Mine leaves his beard shavings in the sink and I refuse to clean them away until I just can’t stand it any more (3 days is my best effort so far)

He will not change the bin, he’ll compact the rubbish down to point that when I eventually give in and change it the bag is virtually impossible to remove. Occasionally he’ll start a new ‘bin’ using a carrier bag next to the actual bin.

He will never ever bring a new toilet roll to our en-suite on the top floor from the middle floor bathroom when it runs out. I’m winning that one though because I hide a secret one in a drawer just for me.

This is so true - that irritates me as much as a big light. Why sit in the dark, watching TV, it only strains your eyes!

I have a lovely wicker basket in the hall for shoes. Yet his boots are always down his side of the sofa. Whats worse is they have really wide tread patterns so are always full of large bricks which I either tread on or they scratch the floors.

Also. The dishwasher.
Whenever he's finished with a plate he puts in in the fucking sink. Which is next to the bloody dishwasher. Sometimes for added effect he fills whatever he's put in the sink with water.

We're good with lights though. We have smart bulbs. He hasn't got the hue app on his phone and can never remember what the command is to turn certain ones on and off

Our silent battles involve curtains and blinds being drawn during the day.

It always reminds me of elderly people or drug users who can't/don't want to start the day with daylight.

(I work in healthcare)

It's been ten years so the silent battle rages on.

He makes scrambled eggs in the le crueset saucepans and it is impossible to clean off.

I have a few of these. The first concerns the radio. I listen to Radio 2 all day. If I leave the room he either turns it off or switches to Radio 4, grrrr. I open windows, he closes them. He takes all the cushions off the sofa before sitting down (weirdo), I replace them all multiple times through out the day!

Oh Lord save me from the daily disgusting porridge pan filled with cold water! (With the similarly revolting porridge coated wooden spoon.)

@UncleShady yes yes to the fucking liquid soap dispenser, gives me the rage every time. I started using bar soap again but the kids just hack that up into to lumps and poke finger holes in it. Not sure which is worse.

Does he think that the Met Office transmits special messages directly into my brain overnight?

Lights, yes. We have a kitchen island with pendant lights and its a great place to prepare food. We have another area where we've never been able to get the lighting right and he insists on using this for food preparation, fully lit, like a bloody operating theatre.

Shopping list, ditto. If something runs out just add it to the list. Rather than waiting til the next time you would like said condiment/jam/cheese or whatever then asking if there is any.

Hanging washing. I full accept that I am the pedant here but just hang the washing out properly, not all loaded on one third of the whirly and nothing on the other two thirds. Hanging washing properly is probably a whole other thread though.

Mine will put a jar of (pick your condiment in the fridge) with the teeniest scraping left, it always looks like the jar is full...then when it comes to using it....THERE ISN'T ANY!