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to stop sending presents if I don't get a thank you?

35 replies

chicaguapa · 25/09/2007 14:15

We save £100 a month for birthday and Christmas presents for family and usually spend between £5-£15 on a present so we don't go over the top. But lately I have just been getting so fed up with posting presents into an abyss and not even getting an acknowledgment that the present has been received, let alone a thank you.

So I am considering stopping giving presents to people who don't have the manners to say thank you. I am sure that some people will just assume that we are no longer exchanging presents - which I suppose will be ok as it'll be fewer thank you notes for me to write. But I would like to be able to point out that it's because they never say thank you.

OP posts:
curiouscat · 25/09/2007 15:39

Wow nightshade are you my twin? I salute your courage in admitting you don't like or appreciate a tidal wave of tat

FLIER · 25/09/2007 15:41

I agree that just an acknowledgment of the card or present is best. I don't want to be thanked, but it would be nice to know if it was received.
Why don't you stop sending adults gifts and reduce the amount you spend on childrens gifts to just a token thing.

ConnorTraceptive · 25/09/2007 15:41

If someone gives you a present in person then a verbal thank you is more than enough IMO. I just think if someone sends something through the post you should atleast acknowledge you recieved it.

I actually do agree with you nightshade that a large volume of gift giving to a large circle of friends and family is a PITA and not necessary. (along with easter gifts, holiday gifts, gifts for the non birthday sibling, gifts when you have done someone a small favour )

mm22bys · 25/09/2007 15:49

I don't think you should send a present expecting a thank you, but if they are not even being acknowledged, then there really is no point (how do you know they have even got there?), so YANBU to stop.

Do they send presents to your family in return?

Scoobi6 · 25/09/2007 15:55

If I gave someone a present in person, I'd expect them to say thanks there and then but I'd find a thankyou note/card over the top. But I live away from my family and have to go to the post office in my lunch break, and pay extra for postage, to make sure they get birthday gifts. It really pees me off when they don't even acknowlege receipt! I take a lot of time trying to find things people would like and it often feels like time wasted. A phonecall or text would be plenty. I start to feel bad about thinking the worst of them, and wondering if the gifts got lost in the post and maybe they are cross at me for forgetting their birthday!

I've always written a thankyou note for gifts received in the post and will get dd to do the same. We also have a large extended family and agreed to only buy presents for the children, not for each other, which reduces the number of gifts needed and makes things easier all round.

Hulababy · 25/09/2007 16:01

I don't expect thank yous if handing a present over there and then, although even at school parties this often doesn't happen - the gift is normally handed straight to a parent or helper to be taken home to open later. So in that circumstances then I don't think a thank you is over the top.

TheArmadillo · 25/09/2007 16:05

It is good manners to say thank-you for presents - whether by phone, letter, pigeon - what ever is your preferred method.

It can cause a lot of bad feeling if you don't. But on the other hand, you should give presents expecting nothing in return. SO I wouldn't stop giving presents because I didn't get anything.

They have always been big thing in my family - and I have always written thank-you letters for presents. BUt last xmas I spent ages making food hampers (all home made stuff) for my family and didn't get a single thank-you. Others in the family did get notes, but I didn't. And I spent ages planning and making those pressies.

As you can tell, 9 months on I am still mightily pissed off, so I understand how annoyed you are, but YABU to stop sending pressies over it.

Pennies · 25/09/2007 16:25

I'm fine witha verbal thankyou but no thank you at all really pisses me off.

My mum used to make me write tedious thank you letters for antyhing and everything which is a bit OTT but she was right in saying that noone's going to get pissed off with you for saying thank you, but it's very likely that they will if you don't bother.

sorry re typos. not well

lilibet · 25/09/2007 16:34

If I don't give the present in person, I like some acknowledgement, it could be letter, phone, text e mail, smoke signals, don't care, but do like somehtng

We never get thanked form Bil's children and they don't buy our children anything.

Every year I am so tempted not to buy them anything but alwasy weaken as I feel bad not doing.

lovey · 25/09/2007 18:34

No totally reasonable - if they can't take the time to write you a letter or even a simple phone call, I personally woudln't waste the money! Give the present to yourself instead in future:D

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