to stop sending presents if I don't get a thank you?

[chicaguapa]

We save £100 a month for birthday and Christmas presents for family and usually spend between £5-£15 on a present so we don't go over the top. But lately I have just been getting so fed up with posting presents into an abyss and not even getting an acknowledgment that the present has been received, let alone a thank you.

So I am considering stopping giving presents to people who don't have the manners to say thank you. I am sure that some people will just assume that we are no longer exchanging presents - which I suppose will be ok as it'll be fewer thank you notes for me to write. But I would like to be able to point out that it's because they never say thank you.

[lovey]

No totally reasonable - if they can't take the time to write you a letter or even a simple phone call, I personally woudln't waste the money! Give the present to yourself instead in future:D

[lilibet]

If I don't give the present in person, I like some acknowledgement, it could be letter, phone, text e mail, smoke signals, don't care, but do like somehtng

We never get thanked form Bil's children and they don't buy our children anything.

Every year I am so tempted not to buy them anything but alwasy weaken as I feel bad not doing.

[Pennies]

I'm fine witha verbal thankyou but no thank you at all really pisses me off.

My mum used to make me write tedious thank you letters for antyhing and everything which is a bit OTT but she was right in saying that noone's going to get pissed off with you for saying thank you, but it's very likely that they will if you don't bother.

sorry re typos. not well

[TheArmadillo]

It is good manners to say thank-you for presents - whether by phone, letter, pigeon - what ever is your preferred method.

It can cause a lot of bad feeling if you don't. But on the other hand, you should give presents expecting nothing in return. SO I wouldn't stop giving presents because I didn't get anything.

They have always been big thing in my family - and I have always written thank-you letters for presents. BUt last xmas I spent ages making food hampers (all home made stuff) for my family and didn't get a single thank-you. Others in the family did get notes, but I didn't. And I spent ages planning and making those pressies.

As you can tell, 9 months on I am still mightily pissed off, so I understand how annoyed you are, but YABU to stop sending pressies over it.

[Hulababy]

I don't expect thank yous if handing a present over there and then, although even at school parties this often doesn't happen - the gift is normally handed straight to a parent or helper to be taken home to open later. So in that circumstances then I don't think a thank you is over the top.

[Scoobi6]

If I gave someone a present in person, I'd expect them to say thanks there and then but I'd find a thankyou note/card over the top. But I live away from my family and have to go to the post office in my lunch break, and pay extra for postage, to make sure they get birthday gifts. It really pees me off when they don't even acknowlege receipt! I take a lot of time trying to find things people would like and it often feels like time wasted. A phonecall or text would be plenty. I start to feel bad about thinking the worst of them, and wondering if the gifts got lost in the post and maybe they are cross at me for forgetting their birthday!

I've always written a thankyou note for gifts received in the post and will get dd to do the same. We also have a large extended family and agreed to only buy presents for the children, not for each other, which reduces the number of gifts needed and makes things easier all round.

[mm22bys]

I don't think you should send a present expecting a thank you, but if they are not even being acknowledged, then there really is no point (how do you know they have even got there?), so YANBU to stop.

Do they send presents to your family in return?

[ConnorTraceptive]

If someone gives you a present in person then a verbal thank you is more than enough IMO. I just think if someone sends something through the post you should atleast acknowledge you recieved it.


I actually do agree with you nightshade that a large volume of gift giving to a large circle of friends and family is a PITA and not necessary. (along with easter gifts, holiday gifts, gifts for the non birthday sibling, gifts when you have done someone a small favour )

[FLIER]

I agree that just an acknowledgment of the card or present is best. I don't want to be thanked, but it would be nice to know if it was received.
Why don't you stop sending adults gifts and reduce the amount you spend on childrens gifts to just a token thing.

[curiouscat]

Wow nightshade are you my twin? I salute your courage in admitting you don't like or appreciate a tidal wave of tat

[heifer]

I have to admit to never writing thank you notes!...

My DD is 3.8 and she says thank you at the time to anyone who gives her a present or card.

Do you guys expect thank you notes even if a thank you has been made at the time?

Generally interested, as SIl always sends a thank you note for everything and I thought it was over the top.. maybe its me that is wrong....

[nightshade]

starlight i agree.

infact i actually get annoyed when friends/cousins who have large social circles continue to send presents for easter, birthday, christmas etc.

even when i tell them not to bother, and don't send any in return, i still get them!

my immediate family are small present givers on special ocassions and this is the way i wish to raise my child.

kinda defeats the object when presents are
delivered from all around.

in my experience, those who like to give presents frequently, are also those who get extremely miffed when others don,t return the favour!

just remember, some of us aren't actually grateful for presents received!

[chicaguapa]

I would be happy with a phone call to say thank you. It's just an acknowledgement that they have received something and maybe some feedback too. It doesn't have to be labour intensive as I appreciate we all have busy lives.

We have had the odd classmate who didn't thank for a present but I'm not so concerned with their manners. It's family and close friends who I feel should show more respect to the fact that I have sent something and also notice that I always thank them. I have a friend who only sends one thank you and that's to me. That she notices I would appreciate it speaks volumes.

£100 a month does seem like a lot of money doesn't it? And I don't even buy for extended family but we both have big families. I get a lot of bargains during the year so would potentially spend a lot more if I wasn't so organised.

I kind of agree that it would be bad manners to highlight everyone else's bad manners. Maybe from now on I will follow up every present with a call/email checking that it arrived so they feel ashamed that they had to be chased and then I know that it definitely arrived.

[hunkermunker]

Depends why you send a present.

Is it because you want them to have something nice or to be thanked for your benevolence?

[LowFat]

Sweetkity - ask her, it would be a genuine concern (as well as serve to make her feel ashamed )

[ConnorTraceptive]

Very rude not to acknowledge your gift so I wouldn't send one.

Every birthday and xmas ds gets a card with a £1 gift voucher for woolies in it from an elderly relative. I always send a thank you even though the card and postage costs more than the voucher

[sweetkitty]

This is one of my bugbears as well. I regularly sent gift vouchers to one friends DCs every Christmas, I never even got an acknowledgement they had received them let alone a thank you. I have never received anything back in return for my DDs (I know thats not the point but still) I have decided to send them nothing this year.

Another one was a friends wedding in June, she only invited us to the reception but it was at the other end of the country, we don't have babysitters and we couldn't afford for all of us to go anyway and children don't really get anything from a reception. She asked for Thomas Cook vouchers but I didn't send them by her cut off so I sent her money instead and a card, never got a thank you, I am thinking of sending her an e-mail saying did you get my present as I never heard anything maybe it got lost in the post, or is that a bit cheeky?

[oliveoil]

I would phone and say 'oh did you get the hideous pile of plastic tat I sent? only I have not heard anything and you know what the post is like, ho ho ho'

then they can say yes they did and inwardly feel shame and disgust forever more

[LowFat]

I always get my DD to write Thanksyous - even as a baby I got ready written notesand hand stamped them from her.

But SIL once seaid to me she doesnt believe a family need to write official thanks you's. So she just phones. It's left me quite confused.

I am same as OP and feel it's the polite thing to do

[TellusMater]

I think this is one of those situations where to highlight bad manners would be bad manners.

[curiouscat]

Chica, can I ask is a phone call thank you acceptable instead of a note? Are we talking family members here or class acquaintances? We're often disorganised and can't tell who gave what after a five year old's party with 25 guests/Xmas with 101 relatives, so tend to go down the telephone call route. Would like to know if this is bad manners please, if you can forgive slight hijack

[Hulababy]

Bit of a bug bear of mine. Have two young cousins - about 7 and 8 year old now I guess. I always send a gift, more recently vouchers. Never ave a thank you or acknowledgement that have even been recieved. Yet I always send them a thank you from DD. Drives me mad.

I have noticed that there were some school friends who didn't send out thank yous either.

I do it with DD as a matter of course.

[oliveoil]

I do thank you cards always always always

or phone to say thank you

bad manners not to imo