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to stop sending presents if I don't get a thank you?

35 replies

chicaguapa · 25/09/2007 14:15

We save £100 a month for birthday and Christmas presents for family and usually spend between £5-£15 on a present so we don't go over the top. But lately I have just been getting so fed up with posting presents into an abyss and not even getting an acknowledgment that the present has been received, let alone a thank you.

So I am considering stopping giving presents to people who don't have the manners to say thank you. I am sure that some people will just assume that we are no longer exchanging presents - which I suppose will be ok as it'll be fewer thank you notes for me to write. But I would like to be able to point out that it's because they never say thank you.

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 25/09/2007 14:47

Very good idea to cut down the number of presents you send. If people don't acknowledge, they may not even notice when they don't get a present next time.

NorthernRockCod · 25/09/2007 14:48


TheMadHouse · 25/09/2007 14:49

My that is a lot of money a year on pressies. I would be realy upset if I did not get a thankyou. It does not need to be in writing, but at least a call.

Just stop sending them

fingerwoman · 25/09/2007 14:53

no, I am just the same. If people can't be bothered to thank you for a gift then they don't deserve one. I cannot abide bad manners like that.
Would definitely stop sending.
Either that or ring and say "did you get x's present? only I didn't hear anything frm you" and see what they say

EmsMum · 25/09/2007 14:56

Yes for adult; no for young children cos its not their fault if their parents don't make them do it.

perhaps give one last chance by sending stationary as present

TheMadHouse · 25/09/2007 14:57

I often think that pressies for little children are not required. we tell people not to bother for my two.

I think that if the parent can not be bothered to get the child to thank you, then no pressie

essbeehindyou · 25/09/2007 14:59

Message withdrawn

quint · 25/09/2007 14:59

no thank you , no pressie!

mishymoo · 25/09/2007 14:59

Agree with Emsmum. I have stopped sending presents to my brother, SIL and my own father. They never ever say thank you for anything (they live abroad so a text msg would have been enough). I don't even send cards anymore. I will continue to send my nephew presents for birthdays and christmas. But the last straw for me was when my DS was born, none of them even acknowledged him - not a card, nothing!

TheMadHouse · 25/09/2007 15:00

It sounds like there are no even acknole3ding gift. Really bad manners

oliveoil · 25/09/2007 15:00

I do thank you cards always always always

or phone to say thank you

bad manners not to imo

Hulababy · 25/09/2007 15:00

Bit of a bug bear of mine. Have two young cousins - about 7 and 8 year old now I guess. I always send a gift, more recently vouchers. Never ave a thank you or acknowledgement that have even been recieved. Yet I always send them a thank you from DD. Drives me mad.

I have noticed that there were some school friends who didn't send out thank yous either.

I do it with DD as a matter of course.

curiouscat · 25/09/2007 15:01

Chica, can I ask is a phone call thank you acceptable instead of a note? Are we talking family members here or class acquaintances? We're often disorganised and can't tell who gave what after a five year old's party with 25 guests/Xmas with 101 relatives, so tend to go down the telephone call route. Would like to know if this is bad manners please, if you can forgive slight hijack

TellusMater · 25/09/2007 15:01

I think this is one of those situations where to highlight bad manners would be bad manners.

LowFat · 25/09/2007 15:02

I always get my DD to write Thanksyous - even as a baby I got ready written notesand hand stamped them from her.

But SIL once seaid to me she doesnt believe a family need to write official thanks you's. So she just phones. It's left me quite confused.

I am same as OP and feel it's the polite thing to do

oliveoil · 25/09/2007 15:02

I would phone and say 'oh did you get the hideous pile of plastic tat I sent? only I have not heard anything and you know what the post is like, ho ho ho'

then they can say yes they did and inwardly feel shame and disgust forever more

sweetkitty · 25/09/2007 15:04

This is one of my bugbears as well. I regularly sent gift vouchers to one friends DCs every Christmas, I never even got an acknowledgement they had received them let alone a thank you. I have never received anything back in return for my DDs (I know thats not the point but still) I have decided to send them nothing this year.

Another one was a friends wedding in June, she only invited us to the reception but it was at the other end of the country, we don't have babysitters and we couldn't afford for all of us to go anyway and children don't really get anything from a reception. She asked for Thomas Cook vouchers but I didn't send them by her cut off so I sent her money instead and a card, never got a thank you, I am thinking of sending her an e-mail saying did you get my present as I never heard anything maybe it got lost in the post, or is that a bit cheeky?

ConnorTraceptive · 25/09/2007 15:07

Very rude not to acknowledge your gift so I wouldn't send one.

Every birthday and xmas ds gets a card with a £1 gift voucher for woolies in it from an elderly relative. I always send a thank you even though the card and postage costs more than the voucher

LowFat · 25/09/2007 15:11

Sweetkity - ask her, it would be a genuine concern (as well as serve to make her feel ashamed )

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/09/2007 15:22

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hunkermunker · 25/09/2007 15:24

Depends why you send a present.

Is it because you want them to have something nice or to be thanked for your benevolence?

chicaguapa · 25/09/2007 15:31

I would be happy with a phone call to say thank you. It's just an acknowledgement that they have received something and maybe some feedback too. It doesn't have to be labour intensive as I appreciate we all have busy lives.

We have had the odd classmate who didn't thank for a present but I'm not so concerned with their manners. It's family and close friends who I feel should show more respect to the fact that I have sent something and also notice that I always thank them. I have a friend who only sends one thank you and that's to me. That she notices I would appreciate it speaks volumes.

£100 a month does seem like a lot of money doesn't it? And I don't even buy for extended family but we both have big families. I get a lot of bargains during the year so would potentially spend a lot more if I wasn't so organised.

I kind of agree that it would be bad manners to highlight everyone else's bad manners. Maybe from now on I will follow up every present with a call/email checking that it arrived so they feel ashamed that they had to be chased and then I know that it definitely arrived.

OP posts:
nightshade · 25/09/2007 15:32

starlight i agree.

infact i actually get annoyed when friends/cousins who have large social circles continue to send presents for easter, birthday, christmas etc.

even when i tell them not to bother, and don't send any in return, i still get them!

my immediate family are small present givers on special ocassions and this is the way i wish to raise my child.

kinda defeats the object when presents are
delivered from all around.

in my experience, those who like to give presents frequently, are also those who get extremely miffed when others don,t return the favour!

just remember, some of us aren't actually grateful for presents received!

StarlightMcKenzie · 25/09/2007 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

heifer · 25/09/2007 15:36

I have to admit to never writing thank you notes!...

My DD is 3.8 and she says thank you at the time to anyone who gives her a present or card.

Do you guys expect thank you notes even if a thank you has been made at the time?

Generally interested, as SIl always sends a thank you note for everything and I thought it was over the top.. maybe its me that is wrong....

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