Is this fair? Finances related.

[Budbudbud]

Name changed for this.

Been with bf 2 years, he moved in at the start of the year, he owns a house I rent and have a 3 year old. It made sense for him to move in here because if it didnt work out I didnt want the upheaval of moving lots for my child.

I was already worried about coming off as a gold digger or grabby so was careful when we discussed finances, he earns more than me and his mortgage is less than my rent and I obviously have more out goings having a child.

He said he was going to rent out his house on air bnb (we live in a tourist place but since lockdown he hasn't been able to obviously). And save the money for a house deposit for us both.

I meet my bills every month but there is never very much to spare, he said seen as I meet the bills anyway and he will still have a house to pay for it's fair if he just pays some towards the food bill and I pay everything else.

So that's the situation except now hes said he cant give me any food money this month (despite eating more then me and 3 year old put together) as he only has £5 in his bank account and doesnt get paid till Tuesday. I just said fine you cant give what you dont have but was a bit pissed off.

He told me that on Saturday and has still managed to put £300 away in savings this.month which he does every month and apparently is non negotiable and he has put an extra £1500 in to some investment fund. But he doesn't have any money for food??

Am I being taken for a mug? I dont know how to talk to him about it if I am. He is really good in every other way, great with my child, caring, funny and does his share around the house. Is it fair if hes pulling his weight in other ways? I dont want to rock the boat if I'm being silly it just feels unfair I have nothing and he still gets to save £££ every month.

I don’t think it’s OTT to suggest you seriously think about ending things with him because of what his logic says about him as a person and how he will treat you now and always.

This. Read this and listen.

I have absolutely no doubt that you will not see a single penny of any money he is "saving for our future". Don't buy in to this bullshit op.

I hope you are ok OP. It’s a lot to take in when people are piling on to tell you that you’ve been stupid. You’re not the first woman to have been had like this and you won’t be the last unfortunately. At least you have realised early on.

He will try and twist things when you talk to him and accuse you of trying to profit, being a gold digger and basically play on all your fears. You will need to stay strong, cool calm and assured. Have your responses prepared: ‘but currently YOU’RE profiting from ME so how is that ok?’ Ask if he would be ok with you all moving into his place from now on and splitting things the other way around. If he says yes then call his bluff and watch him flounder. If he says no then ask him to explain exactly why it’s not ok that way around. Just don’t for a single second let him gaslight and shame you into not being ok with supporting him financially. Guaranteed he will fuck off before he will pay his way.

Wtaf OP. This is in no way fair.

So he has all of these savings and won't pay his way? Disgusting. And if he rents his house out via Air B&B, this money will also go into his savings in HIS name. He is using you as a way to save up his money. You wouldn't see any of this money if you split. He is a cocklodger plain as day. He lives with you for free, you're paying all the bills, he has sex on tap and he's racking up all of these savings for himself.

You've been so eager to prove you're not a gold-digger (was that snaky little suggestion from him originally?) that you're allowing yourself to be ripped off. And your daughter.

He's taking resources that rightfully belong to your daughter.

Kick his ass out. He's taking you for a mug.

Honestly.

Can put £300 a month away and it's 'non-negotiable', but he's actually expecting you to pay his way while doing so. While you're barely making ends meet with a small child to pay for as well.

Fucker.

He's a dick.

Oh OP of COURSE you are being taken for a mug- its obvious.

Please dont agree to this, you are being totally ripped off here. he needs to move back into his own house if he is unwilling to contribute to his living costs like a responsible grown adult

He is definitely trying to have his cake and eat it. The point he moved in - especially when he wants to earn an income off the other property he has to share costs. Thats it.

And you've probably LOST government assistance because he lives with you on top of things.

Absolute wanker.

He is stealing money from you & your child

You are so " desperate" for a "man" in your life, that you pay his share of the bills & now he wants you to pay for his food !

I agree, any self respecting partner, would set up a direct debit to pay you money at the start of each month

Send him back to his property

My recommendation would be that he pays for everything in your house since he is living there, and you save everything you can “for both of you” And see how that pans out.

Is he using electricity, waster, food etc? If yes, then he should be contributing. He’s the gold digger, not you.

I don't think the original agreement was fair. He makes money renting out his house. That money is then his. It's a maybe at best that you will still be together once he has saved for a deposit and even so, would he consider it your shared deposit?

What should happen is that he pays you rent and at least 2/3 of the bills. The rental income is his to do what he wants with, save or spend.

You then save his contribution to rent towards a deposit. If, when you have enough saved, you are still together you can combine deposits and buy together. If not, you have savings and he has savings. The current 'system' only benefits him.

Water, not waster, but could be Freudian slip,

Oh no! Time to have the finances talk again. There is nothing gold diggy about taking control over your money and being assertive. Cover all the bills for both homes which need to be paid, how you will split them and who will pay them.
As for the ‘savings for the deposit’, if that is for the benefit of both of you the account should be jointly held. And you both need to decide what would happen to those savings if you were to split up.

So he gets to save £300 a month (that’s 3600 a year + interest) and managed to save an extra £1500 this month (that would be £18,000 a year if he kept it up every month but let’s say he could manage £9,000 + interest on that over 12 months), not to mention profits after tax from Airbnb (let’s guess at £2,000 over 12 months), so if he lived with you under the regime he wants for a year he would save £14,600 + interest (about £15,000) and he’s getting his meals free and probably free laundry and free charging up his phone/laptop as well!

I’m sure you would love to save £15,000 a year, all while having free meals and laundry services, but you have nothing to spare as you are subsidising him! You are deffo being taken for a mug

I'd love to know who the 2% are who voted YABU

Back with the cocklodger, it's noticeable too that he talks about B&Bing his place rather than the obvious route of getting a tenant. Hard not to think he's keeping it available for when he's built up enough savings ... or even just as a fallback to dangle over OP if she displeases him in any way

Sorry OP but this is wrong. Please sort this out..you have a 3 year old as well. It is wrong on so many levels..it dosen't matter how great he is with your child or how often he washes up....it is WRONG....you know this really

He's making you worse off financially by living together.

He is therefore causing you to have less financial security for you and your son.

Come on OP, you know you're being absolutely mugged off.

It's not just time for a difficult conversation, it's time to end the relationship rather than staying with someone who is fundamentally selfish and happy for you to be less financially secure in order for him to be more financially secure.

If you were a mate I'd be telling you to put your child first and end the relationship.

I would be ABSOLUTELY LIVID and that would be it.

He is 100% taking the piss!

I don't know if anyone has mentioned - but your landlord rented to you plus your child - not to 2 adults plus child. Do you have landlord's permission for extra adult at property? Your rent might increase or you might be given notice to leave - depends on your contract. Anyway this grown man is taking away what you might be able to give your child. He is stretching your resources for his own benefit - not attractive at all.

He’s future faking you keeping you sweet with the promise of a future marriage own home and the picket fence .

Saving his money at your expense and your child’s in an account that’s his and that you won’t benefit from
When he’s got the amount he wants he will fuck off with his nice lump sum of money that he’s saved at your expense
Why you are willing to put up with this unappealing asshole I have no idea
But at least your aware of what’s he’s like
Up to you if you want to act on it

Haven't read all the responses but he could give you half the airbnb money as well as pay for share of food and bills then you both profit from the relationship... not just him. You could both share the savings and contribute equally to the place you buy together. Good luck convincing him and if not...

Been with bf 2 years, he moved in at the start of the year, he owns a house I rent and have a 3 year old.

so you are paying HIM rent to live in his house????????????? HELLO!!!!