Who should get the room?

[newhousenewrooms]

I've been lucky enough to inherit a house without having to lose any family members! Me and my partner are moving in soon with our 2 year old daughter and his two children age 8 and 9 will be staying 3 nights a week.

Partner won't be contributing towards any rent/mortgage as it is inherited so only need to pay the bills which we will split.

It's a 3 bedroom house, 2 decent size rooms and a box room. I think that our DD should have one of the decent size rooms as she is there 7 nights a week. DP thinks his children should have the bigger room because there is two of them.

We haven't argued about it as such, he owns his own house but rents it out and it is making me feel like the green eyed monster as it's my house and why should our DD have a smaller room when she lives there permanently? I have spoken to my family and his family and they all agree that it's unfair on DD but I can see his point about there being two of them.

So now I'm stuck on what I actually think!

We are currently living in my two bedroom apartment and when his children stay, me and DP sleep on a blow up bed in the living room and they have our bed.

AIBU?

Option C: Don't move in together at all. It doesn't sound like this relationship is going to last and it'll cause much less distress to the children if you live in your own houses.

@SenselessUbiquity

Don't move him into your new house. It's a lovely size for you and your dd to grow up in and she can have sleepovers and you can have family to stay. You can date him, he can sort out his own, and his children's, accommodation as all adults do. Alternatively, if you want more than a dating relationship but a proper partner who has your back, sack him off and find someone else

The 2 year old is his child too.

Wow surprised by these comments. I have 4 children in a 3 bed house and two shares a box room . It's perfectly fine and they live here permanently , I would give his kids the box room with bunk beds op. Mine are 6 and 8 and it's not an issue.

I would give them bunk beds. DD's room could perhaps also be a play room for all of them with all the toys etc? So then the boys only have to sleep in their bedroom but have space to play properly.

@newhousenewrooms

Yes I think I have a bee in my bonnet that he gets his rental income and isn't fussed on contributing towards a bigger home. Think the bedroom situation may be a red herring to the real situation!

How nice for him. Win win every time! Your DD gets the bigger room.

"Refering to the rent, is he actually making money from it? Because if he is a high tax payer, by the time he gets the tax deducted, pay the mortgage, insurance and keeps a pot for fees, repairs and maintenance, there could very well be nothing left from it."

Really doesn't matter whether he makes a profit or not. That house is an asset, which he owns and OP has no claim to. The value of this asset will most likely be appreciating. He's sitting pretty; rent most likely covers his costs of ownership, he can always sell and pocket the proceeds. Sweet.

By living in HER house, it is possible that he could acquire some claim to the value of HER home. Particularly if he spent any money on it, which is why a loft conversion should absolutely NOT be paid for by him. If - and it's a big if - OP decided to extend, she should finance it herself from her income. Which she should increase by charging this cheekyfucker cocklodger some bloody RENT.

Our D.C. is 3 and in the box room, he doesn’t need much bigger and we use the other room as a game room for dp/nephew. Our D.C. doesn’t need a massive room, he doesn’t really play in his room but it’s big enough for dresser, chair and bed.

I would give the 2 year old the smaller room and the other 2 the bigger room. I assume they will be getting to the age when they will theoretically be doing homework and may need the extra space for a desk etc. I doubt the 2 year old plays in her bedroom. You can get bunk beds with a play space underneath for young children so when your dd gets a bit older get her a bunk with play space underneath.

It’s your house, you decide.
If he has a problem with it he can always sell his and buy a 4 bed?

Ahhh just read about the financial situation. That's not fair is it? He shouldn't be able to keep all of his rental income plus all of his other income and just contribute to the bills at your house, that's not how partnership works. I would address this ASAP, before you all move in.

I would not put the older 2 DC into a box room. They can sleep in there but no space for anything else and surely they will need their own space.

A 2 year old doesn't really need their own room and for the next few years the box room will suffice.

I don't think it is as easy as saying your house, your choice. You live in a blended family setting.

Longterm I agree that the house isn't probably the best fit for your family but you can look at options down the road (moving, extension or conversion).

I agree you should share the rental income.

However 3 days a week is almost 50/50 custody and likely to be at longer periods during holidays etc? I think the two kids should get the main room.

Your daughter will have the benefit of the whole house being hers, so lots of toy storage in living room etc whereas his kids will be moving in and out of one room. As a step child it's nice to have at least one room that's "yours" in a shared family situation. Making it the pokey box room isn't good.

And a toddler doesn't need more than a box room.

So hes making money by renting his house. He should pay all the bills for your house? OR pay for all the holidays, meals out etc. Its not fair is it? I mean he can only afford to rent his house as hes living with you. If I was in your position, my kid will be getting the bigger room.

Looking at the whole picture - the fact that he doesn't truly consider you to be in a partnership, what's his is his, he's a lot better off than you... do you still want to be with him?

I think he should pay you rent for living their from his rental income. Seems unfair that he had that but had no accommodation costs himself.

But then his two kids should have the big room. When they are 18 your kid will be still young and can move into the bigger room.

Your DD gets the big room. If he isn't happy tell him to buy a bigger house for you all.

DSDs will be fine with bunk beds.

*living there

Or you could rent out your inherited home for some income for you and buy/ rent another home together with adequate bedrooms.

Why don’t you all move in to his house and then you can rent out your apartment and your house and you can keep all of the rental income? He can choose who has each bedroom then. I’m sort of joking of course but, sheesh.

If you stay together I think you need to legally equal this partnership out before you move to your house. Take some legal advice. And hell yes, bunks in a box room are fine for two children who visit for a few days a week but don't live there.

He is taking you for a ride
FGS, we have no idea so why jumping to this conclusion when we know so little? It drives me mad how posters comes to such assumptions knowing so little. It makes me wonder if that's what they do in real life too!

He might be or he might not. For all we know OP moved in the place he had before they met and they've lived there for the last 10 years with OP not paying a penny towards the mortgage because it wasn't her place.

We just don't know from the limited information that's been shared.

Or you could rent out your inherited home for some income for you and buy/ rent another home together with adequate bedrooms
That exactly. Seems the obvious win-win solution. Except 5hat OP might then realise that renting doesn't come with the income most assume. As a matter of fact, most landlords of just one house on top tax bracket will now be lucky to make anything of it.

I know people are saying that a toddler doesn’t need a bigger bedroom but it won’t be long until they do and what then?
You move the girls into the box room to give your child the bigger room? His kids would react terribly to that.

I’ve give my child the bigger room, and if my partner wasn’t happy with that, I’d tell him he’s not moving in with me.

I think your daughter should have the bigger room and have bunks in the smaller room for the other two children.
They have rooms of their own in their permanent home. They're just visiting you.
Your DC will need a bigger room for all her stuff (toys, clothes, nicknacks etc), whereas the other two have a place for their stuff at home and just bring an overnight bag.

I think there’s more than enough information here to indicate that the partner is not stepping up to the plate and is expecting the OP to take responsibility for housing his children.

1. They currently live in the OP’s two bedroom apartment, while he rents out his house. They have a 2 year old daughter - clearly this is not a situation he’s been looking to improve.
2. His children from his previous relationship have no room there at all; three OP lets them use her bedroom and sleeps in the living room so they can stay.
3. He has no intention of paying for anything other than bills for the house the OP has inherited. And he doesn’t want to contribute towards a loft conversion.
4. He still wants to be in charge of room allocation in someone else’s house.

At what point is he going to take responsibility for actually housing his own three children? He’s just expecting the OP to do it, and to put herself last in doing so.

To be honest it sounds like you need to have a proper conversation about finances. Presumably you're not married, although you have a child together? I agree with a pp that the most fair option would be for you to rent this house out and then you both move into another rented property together, and share the rent and bills equally (or proportionally according to income). It sounds like at the moment there's no 'family' pot and you have separate finances, which is fine if you're not living together, but puts you in an unfair position if he moves into your house and thereby gains an extra revenue stream without contributing more.